Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

[donnellysdogs]

Nope iHs she didn't carb count she was given an AM and PM dose at hospital discharge and took that no matter what she ate drank or anything in fact carbs other than the standard don't take sugar were the only diet or medical advice given..
As l stated it is only in the last 6 weeks to a month that she has started to count AND to do her own injections..
In fact you saying that on that 2inj/day she would carb count is a shock because l and they never knew that. yes it would make sense but welcome to the black hole of the area we live in.... oh and she is under the "specialist" not the local dr. You know the irony... the info for the best treatment areas or results in the UK... well ours is up the top end group if that isnt scary it should be.

Appalling... Happening a lot now..

 

[Molly56]

Agree except packaging....veg? Outside eating... mollys OH goes out when he gets up for something to eat I believe when Molly not around...pies, rolls etc in cafe's don't have carbs on them.. OH won't have a clue!!

Have read other messages and will respond separately to those but just a quick answer on this one.....seems he is a creature of habit and will either have a bacon roll or two eggs on two toast plus a latte at his usual venue (supermarket)....so perhaps won't be so difficult to calculate....I guess the problem arises when he chooses somewhere else such as a popular coffee chain....but here these items tend to come in packaging and are then heated on request such as panini so guess info will be on there...
....still agree with @donnellysdogs in that he won't have a clue!!!

 

[donnellysdogs]

If you got a good idea of the carbs in those items before hospital and listed as eating then it will help consultant to establish his insulin requirements better... And help to determine what regime he needs as well. Keep doing it @Molly56...it will help to get the right treatment for OH. Sory thought that this is landing on yourshoulders.

So try to tell him that you are not doing his injections if that is tbe course of treatment to be given... No way should he have a nurse visit daily as he isn't incapacitated.... I implore that you do not entertain the idea of doing his injections... Even if you don't discuss the sunject with him beforehand.....

Consultant may allow you to do one yourself (without any insulin in) to know what it feels like though....

 

[angelicbaby]

Have read other messages and will respond separately to those but just a quick answer on this one.....seems he is a creature of habit and will either have a bacon roll or two eggs on two toast plus a latte at his usual venue (supermarket)....so perhaps won't be so difficult to calculate....I guess the problem arises when he chooses somewhere else such as a popular coffee chain....but here these items tend to come in packaging and are then heated on request such as panini so guess info will be on there...
....still agree with @donnellysdogs in that he won't have a clue!!!

It is for this very reason that he has to clue himself up and you have to stop living his diabetes for him. You can only guess at what he is eating, and who knows whether he would admit to all the food he has eaten out of your eyesight. If you calculate his injection and it is wrong ......... Please. He needs to walk this road himself. If he fails - his doctors' need to step in. By all means offer support, but that is all.

 

[Molly56]

If you got a good idea of the carbs in those items before hospital and listed as eating then it will help consultant to establish his insulin requirements better... And help to determine what regime he needs as well. Keep doing it @Molly56...it will help to get the right treatment for OH. Sory thought that this is landing on yourshoulders.

So try to tell him that you are not doing his injections if that is tbe course of treatment to be given... No way should he have a nurse visit daily as he isn't incapacitated.... I implore that you do not entertain the idea of doing his injections... Even if you don't discuss the sunject with him beforehand.....

Consultant may allow you to do one yourself (without any insulin in) to know what it feels like though....

@donnellysdogs .....you got there first......there is NO WAY that I am going to do his injections ....that is down to him.
.....thought it would be best to leave it and tell him at the appointment in front of nurse - that way he will HAVE to listen to me and take note and nurse will know situation as well.....this is down to him and he has got himself to this point so now he will have to deal with it..
I will make the appointment ....(he would probably put it off / not make appt)......and make sure that he attends .....and will also learn what he has to do....... but ultimately it is down to him....

 

[donnellysdogs]

@Molly56

Good...!!!!

However, just another thing to talk to consultant or nurse about is low blood levels (too much insulin and not enough food, or too much exercise). These are hypo's and at sometime in the future, if on insulin and your OH does not tow the line then you may have to deal with one (or more) of these.

1) you need to know what signs to look out for (everybody is different)
: I have previously been really argumentative and aggressive....

2) you need to know how to treat...

As it will be quite hard to determine the qty of insulin, he will probably be high initially... But as control is gained then the hypo risk becomes more...

There is no guarantee that he will recognise hypo's.... So this is something else that you will need to ask about....

2 assisted hypo's in a year and he will be subject to losing his licence...

 

[angelicbaby]

@Molly56

Good...!!!!

However, just another thing to talk to consultant or nurse about is low blood levels (too much insulin and not enough food, or too much exercise). These are hypo's and at sometime in the future, if on insulin and your OH does not tow the line then you may have to deal with one (or more) of these.

1) you need to know what signs to look out for (everybody is different)
: I have previously been really argumentative and aggressive....

2) you need to know how to treat...

As it will be quite hard to determine the qty of insulin, he will probably be high initially... But as control is gained then the hypo risk becomes more...

There is no guarantee that he will recognise hypo's.... So this is something else that you will need to ask about....

2 assisted hypo's in a year and he will be subject to losing his licence...

A year or so of this ...... and he'll be wishing he got his BG under control through diet/tables.

Edited - tablets - not tables

 

[donnellysdogs]

If he did buck up his ideas then he wld have stood a chance of coming off insulin, but not with his selfish thoughts though... Sorry Molly...

 

[Molly56]

@Molly56

Good...!!!!

However, just another thing to talk to consultant or nurse about is low blood levels (too much insulin and not enough food, or too much exercise). These are hypo's and at sometime in the future, if on insulin and your OH does not tow the line then you may have to deal with one (or more) of these.

1) you need to know what signs to look out for (everybody is different)
: I have previously been really argumentative and aggressive....

2) you need to know how to treat...

As it will be quite hard to determine the qty of insulin, he will probably be high initially... But as control is gained then the hypo risk becomes more...

There is no guarantee that he will recognise hypo's.... So this is something else that you will need to ask about....

2 assisted hypo's in a year and he will be subject to losing his licence...

@donnellysdogs ....thanks ....had thought that could be a possibility so will ask the relevant questions ..
.....basically in agreement with everything you say except for the 'too much exercise' bit as that seems unlikely to happen...guess any movement would count...

Losing his license is I think his main fear so hopefully this will mean that he takes this on board and deals with it...otherwise I don't know what will....

Just one quick scenario...and will ask the nurse...but he has the habit of having dinner and then a couple of hours later having a bowl of porridge (don't ask me why!)....was just wondering how you would deal with that in terms of the insulin....

 

[donnellysdogs]

Depends @Molly56 what regime he is put on..

Ie just basal with tablets ... It wouldn't be a good idea as basal is just a background insulin

Two mixed jabs a day.. This would depend what his levels lower to after two hours... But some people would need a 10g snack inbetween meals. (Cereal is way over 10g)...better to have 2 richtea or 1 digestive... Or some oatcakes with cheese....

Basal n bolus injections... It is possible, but not advisable as you should try to leave 5 hours between eating... Otherwise the bolus injections can stack up and cause highs or lows... Better off having some cheese or sugar free jelly with cream...etc

Of course unless OH is going to try lowering carbs its no point having increased fats.. As he will probably be having a fair amount of fat from his bacon rolls etc.....

Hope this helps...x

 

[Molly56]

Depends @Molly56 what regime he is put on..

Ie just basal with tablets ... It wouldn't be a good idea as basal is just a background insulin

Two mixed jabs a day.. This would depend what his levels lower to after two hours... But some people would need a 10g snack inbetween meals. (Cereal is way over 10g)...better to have 2 richtea or 1 digestive... Or some oatcakes with cheese....

Basal n bolus injections... It is possible, but not advisable as you should try to leave 5 hours between eating... Otherwise the bolus injections can stack up and cause highs or lows... Better off having some cheese or sugar free jelly with cream...etc

Of course unless OH is going to try lowering carbs its no point having increased fats.. As he will probably be having a fair amount of fat from his bacon rolls etc.....

Hope this helps...x

@donnellysdogs ….thanks for the info…will be useful to know if and when we get there…

I am probably worrying unnecessarily but have a sneaking suspicion that he will try to avoid the insulin…he already told the diabetic nurse that he didn’t want to go on insulin at our appointment this week when she said she was referring him on to the specialist team…. and I don’t feel that he has taken on board that this is what the situation is

He hasn’t mentioned it since our appointment ….and neither have I as I think it is now up to the healthcare professionals to take over….
….somehow I just need to make that next appointment and get him there and then they can tell him in no uncertain terms what the situation is and what he needs to do…

Is not going to be easy….I know that now…..I did suggest he should test his blood sugars on a regular basis and keep a note between now and the next appointment but he hasn’t …..and I am not going to keep reminding him…

In fact I would go as far as to say that everything is as it was before and he doesn’t remember any of what was mentioned at this week’s appointment ….

Will try again in the morning to phone for the appointment but expect I will get the annoying answerphone system.....failing that am going to drop into their office while I am out tomorrow to do it…

…am hoping I can also get to speak to someone for some personal support for myself as I feel that I need it…my GP had suggested contacting them but I just hadn't got round to doing it .......so now is the perfect time to do so…

 

[angelicbaby]

Get some rest Molly. You sound exhausted. A lot can change between now and his appointment. He probably just needs to get his head around everything.

When I was going through my diagnosis, I kept saying to myself, "I'm not going on metformin, I'm not going on metformin". I think I had that mindset even as I arrived at the surgery for my results. On getting the results of the HbA1C, I looked at the nurse and said "I have to take metformin, don't I". What was the point of fighting this condition if I couldn't accept medicinal help.

Your OH's DN has seen hundreds of cases, just like his. He'll probably be like me .... or like an animal at the vet. He'll go in, sit down, and ....... do what he's told.

... From you Avatar, I recommend you treat yourself to a Spa Day if it is affordable. Some serious "me" time in in order.

 

[Molly56]

@donnellysdogs ….thanks for the info…will be useful to know if and when we get there…

I am probably worrying unnecessarily but have a sneaking suspicion that he will try to avoid the insulin…he already told the diabetic nurse that he didn’t want to go on insulin at our appointment this week when she said she was referring him on to the specialist team…. and I don’t feel that he has taken on board that this is what the situation is

He hasn’t mentioned it since our appointment ….and neither have I as I think it is now up to the healthcare professionals to take over….
….somehow I just need to make that next appointment and get him there and then they can tell him in no uncertain terms what the situation is and what he needs to do…

Is not going to be easy….I know that now…..I did suggest he should test his blood sugars on a regular basis and keep a note between now and the next appointment but he hasn’t …..and I am not going to keep reminding him…

In fact I would go as far as to say that everything is as it was before and he doesn’t remember any of what was mentioned at this week’s appointment ….

Will try again in the morning to phone for the appointment but expect I will get the annoying answerphone system.....failing that am going to drop into their office while I am out tomorrow to do it…

…am hoping I can also get to speak to someone for some personal support for myself as I feel that I need it…my GP had suggested contacting them but I just hadn't got round to doing it .......so now is the perfect time to do so…

@donnellysdogs ......made appointment .....the earliest they could offer was the last week in January....a letter will arrive confirming and telling him what he needs to do in meantime ....hopefully it will say that he needs to keep a record of blood sugar levels.....if I need any advice in the meantime I can contact one of the nurses on their advice line....
......now for some much needed "me" time......

 

[pavlosn]

@donnellysdogs ......made appointment .....the earliest they could offer was the last week in January....a letter will arrive confirming and telling him what he needs to do in meantime ....hopefully it will say that he needs to keep a record of blood sugar levels.....if I need any advice in the meantime I can contact one of the nurses on their advice line....
......now for some much needed "me" time......

It may not be such a bad thing that his appointment is not till the end of January, if he can use this period to make one final effort to stay off insulin.

You may like to use the insulin threat as a bit of motivation.

Not really that optimistic myself but stranger things have happened!

Pavlos

 

[Molly56]

It may not be such a bad thing that his appointment is not till the end of January, if he can use this period to make one final effort to stay off insulin.

You may like to use the insulin threat as a bit of motivation.

Not really that optimistic myself but stranger things have happened!

Pavlos

@pavlosn .....thank you as always for your message....would love to report back in a couple of months that he has managed to turn this around and not end up on insulin .....but to be honest I can't see that happening...
......in fact I would go as far to say ....there are better odds on me meeting the real Father Christmas................

 

[pavlosn]

@pavlosn .....thank you as always for your message....would love to report back in a couple of months that he has managed to turn this around and not end up on insulin .....but to be honest I can't see that happening...
......in fact I would go as far to say ....there are better odds on me meeting the real Father Christmas................

I feared that would be how you would see it.

Most of the people on this forum are probably highly motivated to keep control of their diabetes, otherwise they would not be here I guess.

I suspect like many of the others, I find it very difficult to understand how your OH can be so negligent with his attitude towards his own health.

He is like a man walking on to an on rushing train and refusing to head the warnings.

This is frustrating for me to read about, I just want to slap him, so I can only imagine what it is like for you to live it.

Pavlos

 

[Molly56]

Get some rest Molly. You sound exhausted. A lot can change between now and his appointment. He probably just needs to get his head around everything.

When I was going through my diagnosis, I kept saying to myself, "I'm not going on metformin, I'm not going on metformin". I think I had that mindset even as I arrived at the surgery for my results. On getting the results of the HbA1C, I looked at the nurse and said "I have to take metformin, don't I". What was the point of fighting this condition if I couldn't accept medicinal help.

Your OH's DN has seen hundreds of cases, just like his. He'll probably be like me .... or like an animal at the vet. He'll go in, sit down, and ....... do what he's told.

... From you Avatar, I recommend you treat yourself to a Spa Day if it is affordable. Some serious "me" time in in order.

@angelicbaby .....think you hit the nail on the head.....I do feel exhausted....both mentally and physically .... to the point that at the moment I don't really care what he does and have lost the energy to fight this......at least for the time being...
Perhaps now the appointment is made I just need to let him get on with it for the next few weeks and concentrate on looking after myself...

Am still worried though as I know that his sugar levels are high today....he is particularly irritable and argumentative which is a sign...he hasn't tested his levels for a few days and I am not even going to suggest it as I know it will just result in an argument....am also shutting my eyes to the cakes etc he has bought and eaten....

.....sometimes I just need to mentally and physically walk away....(but be ready to deal with the fallout) ....have retreated to my sewing project for some constructive "me time".....

 

[angelicbaby]

@angelicbaby .....think you hit the nail on the head.....I do feel exhausted....both mentally and physically .... to the point that at the moment I don't really care what he does and have lost the energy to fight this......at least for the time being...
Perhaps now the appointment is made I just need to let him get on with it for the next few weeks and concentrate on looking after myself...

Am still worried though as I know that his sugar levels are high today....he is particularly irritable and argumentative which is a sign...he hasn't tested his levels for a few days and I am not even going to suggest it as I know it will just result in an argument....am also shutting my eyes to the cakes etc he has bought and eaten....

.....sometimes I just need to mentally and physically walk away....(but be ready to deal with the fallout) ....have retreated to my sewing project for some constructive "me time".....

Of course you are worried, but you cannot carry his condition. You cannot live it for him.

Please concentrate on yourself. Some time out would do you good. A day out with girlfriends, a Spa Day, an outing at the weekend. Maybe join a sewing group that would get you out of the house...

He is going to do exactly as he want's to do - and although it's horrific for you to watch - you need to let him get on with it. Of course, if he reaches out to you, offer support.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Oh yes Molly, definitely concentrate on yourself. At the end of the day, he is an adult ?? and if it was me, well I probably would of walked by now.
It's amazing how a large majority of men, can be so passionate and care so much about their beloved football team, car, golfing and golf chums, alcohol, other sports and past times and yet sometimes as you have said, doesn't even care about his health or what he is putting you through ( I have seen threads the same as yours, women so worried about their man) It makes me wonder what would happen if it was the other way around ??.if the shoe was on the other foot.
You said you have lost the energy to fight this ( I'm not surprised) but it is HIS fight and not yours. I don't know how you have managed through all of this
How's your sewing project going ? It's lovely to just switch off from the trauma and get stuck into something you obviously enjoy and you are so very talented too
You are always in my thoughts Molly, and I think you are one amazing lady

Take care RRB x

 

[Molly56]

Oh yes Molly, definitely concentrate on yourself. At the end of the day, he is an adult ?? and if it was me, well I probably would of walked by now.
It's amazing how a large majority of men, can be so passionate and care so much about their beloved football team, car, golfing and golf chums, alcohol, other sports and past times and yet sometimes as you have said, doesn't even care about his health or what he is putting you through ( I have seen threads the same as yours, women so worried about their man) It makes me wonder what would happen if it was the other way around ??.if the shoe was on the other foot.
You said you have lost the energy to fight this ( I'm not surprised) but it is HIS fight and not yours. I don't know how you have managed through all of this
How's your sewing project going ? It's lovely to just switch off from the trauma and get stuck into something you obviously enjoy and you are so very talented too
You are always in my thoughts Molly, and I think you are one amazing lady

Take care RRB x

@Robinredbreast ...thank you for your message and your supportive words...as you say there are a lot of similar men out there and worried wives/partners so guess I am not alone...

Have found it difficult at times to concentrate lately but think I am finally coming to some decisions....basically I have got to let him get on with it but it is so difficult to see the damage that he is doing to himself.....and the potential issues ahead...

Anyway now is the time to concentrate on myself for the sake of my own health...one thing is to sort out my issues with food which have arisen because of this situation.......with Christmas around the corner I am going to give some careful thought to what I want to buy and eat over the festive period....
....and the second is to get stuck into my sewing project...have managed to finish off three bags this evening - will take some photos tomorrow and post on conversation.....have another half a dozen or so in the pipeline so plenty to be getting on with....