Mum had spinal surgery a month ago. Been in and out of hospital ever since with agonising pain. She is 83, been diabetic about 6/7 years. She is 7 kilos overweight so not an awful amount of extra weight but she doesn't want to lose it anyway.
Yesterday she was told she has a deep tissue infection and has to stay in hospital for 6 weeks. She said the doctor said it's not related to her diabetes, which I don't believe. She is still eating white toast and jam for breakfast. I can't believe the hospital allow this. Mums constant excuses are, she is allowed treats and because she is unwell it doesn't matter. She is a little old lady and needs her comfort. She gets very angry if I ever mention what she is eating. Last full blood test before she had surgery was 72.
I know it isn't easy as I was prediabetic for 5 years. Finally back to normal last month but it was huge sacrifices and research.
Mum never took prediabetes seriously and doesn't really take diabetes seriously, says the medication is there to do it's job. Maximum Metformin.
I'm pretty fed up because it's constant excuses and lies.
Hi
@SilkBunny .
I am sorry you are struggling with your mother’s health conditions, and the care she needs. I doubt any of us could argue in support of the food choices in hospital. They are inadequate, and mostly unsuitable for patients with T2, or indeed for most people.
Having cared for several elderly family members, including some with T2 diabetes, I do understand how draining it can be, particularly when you are not well yourself. Nigh on impossible if the people being cared for also have dementia.
It isn’t clear from your posts whether or not your mother has capacity to make her own health decisions? Is the need for carers when she is discharged from hospital, for the period of physical recovery and recuperation from surgery, or is there a need for general support because she doesn’t have capacity to make her own decisions, so needs to be kept safe (social care)? Sorry to have to ask, but there is a big difference in the approach to her care depending on reasons it is required.
If she has capacity to make her own decisions, and has made provision under Lasting Power of Attorney, there she will have named someone who can take responsibility for her care.
How to make a lasting power of attorney (LPA): starting an application online, choosing an attorney, certifying a copy, changing an LPA.
www.gov.uk
Without this, it is extremely difficult for relatives to make decisions for someone.
Looking at this from your mother’s perspective… She has been having a tough time. Pain, surgery, infection. At 83 years old, she must have been considered well enough for surgery, despite the HbA1c being above the threshold for elective surgery. You say she is only slightly overweight. This is considered fine for older people, as low weight and lowering blood pressure and blood glucose levels too much can lead to falls, which are often fatal to older people.
It seems that your mother is making a choice to eat whatever she wants to, and if necessary rely on medication to manage her T2. As long as she has the mental capacity to do that, no matter how frustrating for you, that has to be respected. Is it possible that she is looking at her expected remaining years, and has made an informed choice? What would have seemed a poor choice had she been twenty years younger, could be seen as quite reasonable to someone her age. Perhaps looking at quality of life, over quantity of years? She wants to eat toast and jam, and cake, etc. even if that means shortened life span.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not lacking empathy for your dilemma, but as you cannot be on hand for your mother, due to your own impairments and distance, perhaps need to take a step back, but ensure she has the best medical and care plans put in place. Including the need for an appointed Attorney, for when she cannot make her own decisions. Make life easier for yourself and her. Though also seek some help for yourself in dealing with the emotional load you are bearing.
I hope things improve for you and your mother.
