Zand,
I sought of guessed that, Zand, by reading your posts. Your openness, and honesty is, I think, a sign that you are moving towards peeling back some of the (emotional) layers. Like you, I have a loving family but I cannot bear to tell them how badly I often feel about myself. I like to think it is because I don't want to have them hurt as much as I often hurt, but a counsellor once suggested it is a fear of them rejecting me. Not sure which opinion I prefer.
I used to put everyone elses' needs before my own. Not just loved ones' but anyone who called on me for help. Something happened which shifted that way of thinking a few years ago. That made me vow to consider myself and the wonderful person I married as priority for my time. It has been difficult, and I often slip back into old ways, but I am getting there.
Also, I do like to laugh at life, so please, if my comments sometimes seem flippant, don't think I am criticising you or that you have to justify your reasons for doing things your way. I think you are fine as you are. I look forward to seeing your posts which are thought provoking, encouraging and inspiring.
Pipp