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Just wondered.....

Molly56

Molly56

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,844
Type of diabetes
Don't have diabetes
Treatment type
I do not have diabetes
Just wondered.....at what point do you give up trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves....:(
 
You go away and get the feeling out of your system and you go again.

You find something that helps you to help them.

You probably love who it is, you never give up, never!
 
Hi Molly, we haven't spoken for a while, but I know what the question is about. An answer to your question is, it would depend on the individual,you. Can you go any further, probably not ? are you beating your head against a brick wall, with sheer frustration, probably yes, so you probably know what the answer is, is it time to throw in the towel ? Only you know the answer, best of luck.

RRB
 
Molly56 said:
Just wondered.....at what point do you give up trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves....:(
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Hi Molly i have wondered myself sometimes. I guess the more we care about someone the more difficult it is to let go. Someone said to me once maybe you can help someone in away that you might not think is helping. I.e. Letting them know your there but letting them fly alone. It can be hard to do though but great for the person
 
.... At the point it becomes detrimental to your own health & stability.
 
Molly56 said:
Just wondered.....at what point do you give up trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves....:(
Click to expand...
....and how do you deal with someone who has convinced themselves that higher blood sugars are ok.....comments thrown at me include 'you don't understand....my body is not designed to run at lower levels'....'if I try to get down to the levels they suggest it makes me feel ill'....
....current bs levels running somewhere between 10 and 15..at one point going down to 8 or 9.....so nowhere near hypo symptoms....just his body getting used to normal levels if it goes lower than what he is used to......

....and how do you deal with noticing the signs of diabetic complications like neuropathy in his hands making simple daily tasks more difficult....believe me I have tried to explain that this is nerve damage caused by high bs but he still maintains that higher bs levels are right for him.....I'm definitely losing the battle here and the will to help....
 
It seriously sounds like the guy can't be helped. & I'm not a relationship councelor
 
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I hope you've had the conversation with him that someone suggested very early on in your first thread - the conversation about not being around to push his wheelchair for him? I think it will take a major confrontation with his own mortality to change things.
 
Hi Molly I am so sorry to hear your situation it sounds so hard. I can read how much you care for this person which I guess makes the situation 100% worse. I want to say it sounds like you have given him a lot of info, support and encouragement which is all anyone can do. It sounds like a bit of denial from him? I get a feel you could leave literature say loads to him but he sticks to what he wants to believe. That's tough on you and exhausting I'd imagine.
Thinking of that can you give your concerns to his d team? I guess I say this as they have are less connected emotionally and get paid to do it. Not that I am saying anything mean with that but I guess I am just thinking you have done a lot and perhaps are at the end of a path you can continue to encourage etc but I guess it's got to come from him to work with everyone and the d team need to support you to. I hope there is someone for you in all this to. If it helps someone once said to me doing or saying nothing yet just supporting can be the best help.

I really really really encourage look after you too as you are important too. I guess it's a little like an alcoholic who can give up, it's painful to see but their choice. Your doing awesome talking please keeping supporting you thinking of you f
 
I would have given up months ago. What I would do now is to follow a healthy diet and lifestyle myself (the sort I would like him to follow) and look after myself and gain new interests. I wouldn't nag or bother going to his appointments with him, (after all they are his appointments not yours) . I would let him look after himself and I would look after myself. If he wanted to eat junk then he would have to buy it. Sounds harsh but he is never going to wake up to reality himself while you carry the burden for him.
 
Molly56 said:
....and how do you deal with someone who has convinced themselves that higher blood sugars are ok.....comments thrown at me include 'you don't understand....my body is not designed to run at lower levels'....'if I try to get down to the levels they suggest it makes me feel ill'....
....current bs levels running somewhere between 10 and 15..at one point going down to 8 or 9.....so nowhere near hypo symptoms....just his body getting used to normal levels if it goes lower than what he is used to......

....and how do you deal with noticing the signs of diabetic complications like neuropathy in his hands making simple daily tasks more difficult....believe me I have tried to explain that this is nerve damage caused by high bs but he still maintains that higher bs levels are right for him.....I'm definitely losing the battle here and the will to help....
Click to expand...

The thing is Molly it's not your battle is it ? and it's not a child or a teen/adolescent, it's an adult, who should be taking some sort of control, with respect for his life and his future well being.
We only live once, if we do it right, once is enough.
All the best Molly, RRB
 
Short of locking him in his room with a commode and taking him low carb meals, water, and his medication, I doubt there is much you can do after all this time. Other than that, leave him to his own devices and do what @zand said, which is what I would do. I know it sounds harsh, but he is driving you to your grave.
 
You must have the strength to stand back ....... it's his body and his life .... Let him be as happy as he wants to be... Or show him the door If you don't want to carry him when it all goes very wrong. You have wrapped him in cotten wool for way to long girl :banghead:
 
Why not read back through your other threads.

I think they will show you that you have been moving to this point for a long time, in a slow down ward slide.

Seeing all the support and advice given by forum members for the last year may make you spot consistent themes, and help you see that all that the advice is still valid - if you choose to take it.
 
Hi @Molly56 , I see your still around and still on the same course you have been on with this guy for nearly 2 years now.

I remember you looked forward to him been moved onto insulin as you thought this would improve the situation with regards his sugar levels and control.

The thing is though, we only hear this story from one point of view, yours, I have asked 3 times now, and this will be the fourth time, have you told him yet & is he aware you have been on this forum and have been getting all this help & information on his & your behalf?

Is he aware this forum exists? does he have contacts with any other diabetics?

I'd be happy to PM if he was a member here.......

Neil
 
Molly56 said:
@Robinredbreast @Fayefaye1429 @Indy51 @zand @Bluetit1802 ....thank you all for your contributions....am just off out to work now but will respond to your points later....
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Thought perhaps I should update with a few positives....things have definitely improved since my original postings last year...for a start he is no longer in total denial about his diabetes which is where I was at the end of last year for those that remember...

..since starting on the insulin he is now testing his bs levels on a daily basis and is taking his medication regularly...diet has improved recently and he will now only eat salads for dinner with whatever meat or fish I am cooking...he knows that carbs are the enemy and will look at carb content when shopping and eating...he no longer eats potatoes and has virtually cut out bread (except for eggs on toast that he has for lunch and the occasional bread roll)...I also overheard him talking to a family member on the phone recently so he is openly accepting and talking about it now.....

...he is also in regular contact with the diabetic nurse who has been phoning him on a weekly or biweekly basis to see how he is doing...he has also been to roughly monthly appointments with her to review progress and medications (@Robinredbreast @Enclave ...I have taken a definite step back here and let him get on with it for the reasons that you state..)

..on a slightly negative point he has put on approx 20lbs in 20 weeks since starting the insulin...diet as stated above has been changed so I can only assume that the insulin is encouraging fat storage if not enough carbs to mop it up...I could be totally wrong on this point but can't see how his insulin will reduce as on set dosage morning and evening.....on a positive note he has asked diabetic nurse about exercise referral and forms have been filled in for this...is waiting to hear but seems keen to do it...

@Indy51 ..I have made it clear that there are certain things that I am not prepared to do and have told him in no uncertain terms that he will just have to find other ways of doing them...

@zand ...I am very much looking after myself and doing what you say....my health and wellbeing are important and i am concentrating on what I can do for myself...

@Fayefaye1429 ...I have already spoken to my GP and voiced my concerns partly as a way of making sure I look after my own wellbeing as it is important for them to be aware of the situation and provide support for me if and when needed.....I agreed and went to some counselling sessions earlier in the year to deal with this and other issues but have refused antidepressants as I don't feel that I am depressed in itself...just in a sometimes depressing situation....I feel more relaxed and less stressed about all of this then I did ...am hoping the messages given to the GP get back to the diabetic nurse and that more encouragement can come from the professionals to make the life changes that he needs...

@Bluetit1802 ....locking him out of his room would be better ....he spends far too much of the day in bed.... @Robinredbreast ...if he was my child or an adolescent I could insist that he gets up ...but he isn't...

@Enclave ....I am throwing away the cotton wool...

I hope this shows that some progress has been made but that there are still points that frustrate me....hence my original question....it's not easy by any means especially when I can see the signs of decline happening before me....

Stepping back now and getting on with something more exciting...:)
 
Molly56 said:
Thought perhaps I should update with a few positives....things have definitely improved since my original postings last year...for a start he is no longer in total denial about his diabetes which is where I was at the end of last year for those that remember...

..since starting on the insulin he is now testing his bs levels on a daily basis and is taking his medication regularly...diet has improved recently and he will now only eat salads for dinner with whatever meat or fish I am cooking...he knows that carbs are the enemy and will look at carb content when shopping and eating...he no longer eats potatoes and has virtually cut out bread (except for eggs on toast that he has for lunch and the occasional bread roll)...I also overheard him talking to a family member on the phone recently so he is openly accepting and talking about it now.....

...he is also in regular contact with the diabetic nurse who has been phoning him on a weekly or biweekly basis to see how he is doing...he has also been to roughly monthly appointments with her to review progress and medications (@Robinredbreast @Enclave ...I have taken a definite step back here and let him get on with it for the reasons that you state..)

..on a slightly negative point he has put on approx 20lbs in 20 weeks since starting the insulin...diet as stated above has been changed so I can only assume that the insulin is encouraging fat storage if not enough carbs to mop it up...I could be totally wrong on this point but can't see how his insulin will reduce as on set dosage morning and evening.....on a positive note he has asked diabetic nurse about exercise referral and forms have been filled in for this...is waiting to hear but seems keen to do it...

@Indy51 ..I have made it clear that there are certain things that I am not prepared to do and have told him in no uncertain terms that he will just have to find other ways of doing them...

@zand ...I am very much looking after myself and doing what you say....my health and wellbeing are important and i am concentrating on what I can do for myself...

@Fayefaye1429 ...I have already spoken to my GP and voiced my concerns partly as a way of making sure I look after my own wellbeing as it is important for them to be aware of the situation and provide support for me if and when needed.....I agreed and went to some counselling sessions earlier in the year to deal with this and other issues but have refused antidepressants as I don't feel that I am depressed in itself...just in a sometimes depressing situation....I feel more relaxed and less stressed about all of this then I did ...am hoping the messages given to the GP get back to the diabetic nurse and that more encouragement can come from the professionals to make the life changes that he needs...

@Bluetit1802 ....locking him out of his room would be better ....he spends far too much of the day in bed.... @Robinredbreast ...if he was my child or an adolescent I could insist that he gets up ...but he isn't...

@Enclave ....I am throwing away the cotton wool...

I hope this shows that some progress has been made but that there are still points that frustrate me....hence my original question....it's not easy by any means especially when I can see the signs of decline happening before me....

Stepping back now and getting on with something more exciting...:)
Click to expand...
As someone who has had insulin problems, it is the insulin that is gaining him weight. Something that he will have to adjust.
Someone on insulin will post how to do it.
So glad you have had a response from him. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!
 
nosher8355 said:
As someone who has had insulin problems, it is the insulin that is gaining him weight. Something that he will have to adjust.
Someone on insulin will post how to do it.
So glad you have had a response from him. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind!
Click to expand...
@nosher8355 ....this is what I thought...he is currently on Novomix 30 ....28 units in the morning and 28 units in the evening...
...the problem here is that it will be down to the diabetic nurse to make that decision with him as I am effectively stepping back and not getting involved (am not saying I don't care but he has to deal with this)...
...the issue here is that I can't see them making this connection and deciding to reduce insulin....or is it down to me to make that suggestion....am stuck in the middle of a dilemma here...personally I can only see that the insulin will lead to even more weight gain and that is only going to add to his problems....
 
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