helenb1979
Well-Known Member
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- 199
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Insulin
Hi. Today has been completely rubbish. So I'd love to hear about anything that has made you laugh today with the hope that it will make me laugh/smile
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Make me laugh
- Thread starter helenb1979
- Start Date
Not today but a little while back.
I work as a bridge operator in the Netherlands in the city of Leeuwarden, where lots of small boats and some bigger ships come through.
So every 10-20 minutes I close the barriers for the cars/bikes/pedestrians, open the bridge, wave to skippers and wish them a nice day, and close the bridge again.
I had done 6 long shifts in a row, and the night after I dreamt I had just closed the bridge and needed to open the barriers to let the road traffic to when I woke to a bg alarm. Which in my half dreaming state was the beeper that goes off when I need to close the bridge because an ambulance needs to go over the bridge.
So I sat up in bed and searched and searched for the button to open the barriers, which oddly was nowhere to be found next to my bed.
Still not comprehending (must have been a true low alarm for a change
) I decided to roll a cigarette to try to wake up enough to find the dang button.
It was only after almost the whole cigarette had been smoked that it started to dawn on me that I must have been dreaming, and that there's no bridge at my house.
Still, the dream was so strong that I went out of bed to double check if there really weren't any closed barriers on the empty road in front of my house, which felt ridiculous, but it also was the only way I could go back to sleep!
Sorry about your rubbish day. I hope tomorrow will be a better one, and I hope that I have made you smile!
I work as a bridge operator in the Netherlands in the city of Leeuwarden, where lots of small boats and some bigger ships come through.
So every 10-20 minutes I close the barriers for the cars/bikes/pedestrians, open the bridge, wave to skippers and wish them a nice day, and close the bridge again.
I had done 6 long shifts in a row, and the night after I dreamt I had just closed the bridge and needed to open the barriers to let the road traffic to when I woke to a bg alarm. Which in my half dreaming state was the beeper that goes off when I need to close the bridge because an ambulance needs to go over the bridge.
So I sat up in bed and searched and searched for the button to open the barriers, which oddly was nowhere to be found next to my bed.
Still not comprehending (must have been a true low alarm for a change
) I decided to roll a cigarette to try to wake up enough to find the dang button.It was only after almost the whole cigarette had been smoked that it started to dawn on me that I must have been dreaming, and that there's no bridge at my house.
Still, the dream was so strong that I went out of bed to double check if there really weren't any closed barriers on the empty road in front of my house, which felt ridiculous, but it also was the only way I could go back to sleep!
Sorry about your rubbish day. I hope tomorrow will be a better one, and I hope that I have made you smile!
helenb1979
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 199
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Insulin
Oh lovely that is so funny. And what a lovely job.
Definitely made me laugh out loud. Thank you. X
Definitely made me laugh out loud. Thank you. X
Glad I could be of help!
helenb1979
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 199
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Insulin
Yep that worked. Xx
M.A.R.
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 95
- Type of diabetes
- Prediabetes
- Treatment type
- Diet only
An Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting
At an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, the speaker decides to give a little demonstration.
He puts a worm into a glass of water. The worm swims around happily and stays alive.
Then he puts another worm into a glass of wine. The worm dies.
The speaker turns to the audience and asks:
"So, what can we conclude from this experiment?"
A man at the back of the room raises his hand and replies:
"Easy! If we drink wine, we won't get worms!"
At an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, the speaker decides to give a little demonstration.
He puts a worm into a glass of water. The worm swims around happily and stays alive.
Then he puts another worm into a glass of wine. The worm dies.
The speaker turns to the audience and asks:
"So, what can we conclude from this experiment?"
A man at the back of the room raises his hand and replies:
"Easy! If we drink wine, we won't get worms!"
M.A.R.
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 95
- Type of diabetes
- Prediabetes
- Treatment type
- Diet only
he Science of Parrotology: A Groundbreaking Study
By Professor Luis Rubiniqui, PhD in Parrotology, Director of the International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Luis Rubiniqui, and I am a world-renowned expert in Parrotology, the scientific study of parrots and their mysterious influence on human civilisation.
After more than thirty years of intensive research, I have reached a disturbing conclusion:
Not all parrots have feathers. Some wear suits, appear on television, and give medical advice on the internet.
1. The Parrot Who Knows Everything
In Argentina, when someone talks endlessly without knowing what they are talking about, we sometimes say:
He's a parrot!"
This phenomenon is scientifically known as Psittacus Ignorantus Verbosus.
Its main characteristics include:
- An extraordinary ability to speak without thinking.
- Absolute confidence in subjects it has never studied.
- A tendency to repeat whatever it heard five minutes earlier.
- A remarkable resistance to scientific evidence.
The most fascinating discovery is that **the less the parrot knows, the more confidently it speaks**.
This phenomenon is currently being investigated by my department, although our researchers have become exhausted from listening to the parrots.
2. The Mysterious Disappearance of the Last Parrot
Argentinians have another remarkable expression:
"Everybody left. Not even the parrot remained!"
This phrase describes situations in which an entire group suddenly disappears.
My research team has established that the parrot is always the last individual to abandon a gathering.
Why?
Because it is still talking.
In one controlled experiment, we invited twenty people and one parrot to a conference about the nutritional benefits of boiled shoelaces.
After fifteen minutes, all twenty people had left.
The parrot remained for another three hours, explaining the subject to an empty chair.
3. Parrots and Modern Medicine
Recent investigations by the International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies have identified a particularly dangerous species:
Psittacus Medicus Internetensis.
This parrot has never attended medical school but has watched seventeen videos on YouTube.
It can diagnose diabetes, hypertension, liver disease and vitamin deficiencies simply by looking at your profile picture.
Its preferred scientific expression is:
"Trust me, I saw it on Facebook."
Fortunately, this species can usually be neutralised by asking a simple question:
"Could you provide a peer-reviewed scientific study supporting that claim?"
The parrot immediately changes the subject.
4. The Parrot Paradox
After decades of research, I have discovered a fundamental contradiction.
Real parrots repeat words without necessarily understanding their meaning.
Human parrots often do exactly the same thing.
However, there is one important difference:
Real parrots are beautiful, intelligent birds. Human parrots sometimes charge consultation fees.
5. Conclusions
Parrotology is still a young scientific discipline.
Much remains to be discovered about the relationship between feathers, excessive talking and intellectual overconfidence.
Nevertheless, our findings strongly suggest that humanity would benefit from a simple principle:
Before repeating something, make sure you understand it.
And if you don't understand it, there is no shame in saying:
"I don't know."
This concludes my presentation.
Unfortunately, my research assistants have all disappeared.
Not even the parrot remained.
Professor Luis Rubiniqui
*International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies*
*Department of Unnecessary Scientific Investigations*
By Professor Luis Rubiniqui, PhD in Parrotology, Director of the International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Luis Rubiniqui, and I am a world-renowned expert in Parrotology, the scientific study of parrots and their mysterious influence on human civilisation.
After more than thirty years of intensive research, I have reached a disturbing conclusion:
Not all parrots have feathers. Some wear suits, appear on television, and give medical advice on the internet.
1. The Parrot Who Knows Everything
In Argentina, when someone talks endlessly without knowing what they are talking about, we sometimes say:
He's a parrot!"
This phenomenon is scientifically known as Psittacus Ignorantus Verbosus.
Its main characteristics include:
- An extraordinary ability to speak without thinking.
- Absolute confidence in subjects it has never studied.
- A tendency to repeat whatever it heard five minutes earlier.
- A remarkable resistance to scientific evidence.
The most fascinating discovery is that **the less the parrot knows, the more confidently it speaks**.
This phenomenon is currently being investigated by my department, although our researchers have become exhausted from listening to the parrots.
2. The Mysterious Disappearance of the Last Parrot
Argentinians have another remarkable expression:
"Everybody left. Not even the parrot remained!"
This phrase describes situations in which an entire group suddenly disappears.
My research team has established that the parrot is always the last individual to abandon a gathering.
Why?
Because it is still talking.
In one controlled experiment, we invited twenty people and one parrot to a conference about the nutritional benefits of boiled shoelaces.
After fifteen minutes, all twenty people had left.
The parrot remained for another three hours, explaining the subject to an empty chair.
3. Parrots and Modern Medicine
Recent investigations by the International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies have identified a particularly dangerous species:
Psittacus Medicus Internetensis.
This parrot has never attended medical school but has watched seventeen videos on YouTube.
It can diagnose diabetes, hypertension, liver disease and vitamin deficiencies simply by looking at your profile picture.
Its preferred scientific expression is:
"Trust me, I saw it on Facebook."
Fortunately, this species can usually be neutralised by asking a simple question:
"Could you provide a peer-reviewed scientific study supporting that claim?"
The parrot immediately changes the subject.
4. The Parrot Paradox
After decades of research, I have discovered a fundamental contradiction.
Real parrots repeat words without necessarily understanding their meaning.
Human parrots often do exactly the same thing.
However, there is one important difference:
Real parrots are beautiful, intelligent birds. Human parrots sometimes charge consultation fees.
5. Conclusions
Parrotology is still a young scientific discipline.
Much remains to be discovered about the relationship between feathers, excessive talking and intellectual overconfidence.
Nevertheless, our findings strongly suggest that humanity would benefit from a simple principle:
Before repeating something, make sure you understand it.
And if you don't understand it, there is no shame in saying:
"I don't know."
This concludes my presentation.
Unfortunately, my research assistants have all disappeared.
Not even the parrot remained.
Professor Luis Rubiniqui
*International Institute of Advanced Parrot Studies*
*Department of Unnecessary Scientific Investigations*
