Serious depression

[mhoggarth]

Hi all,
As my post is entitled, I am seriously depressed. I feel worthless, lonely and just awful every single night for the past year, even more.
I drink heavily every night, and I cant seem to stop. I'm in a downward spiral, and I seriously don't know how to get out of it.
Tonight I physically broke down in front of my friends.
I'm actually scared to go to the doctors about it. And I feel like destroying myself everyday about it.
I'm not looking for advice on here, I no what I need to do.
I just needed to write it down and get it out there. I need to sort my life out. My levels have been awful and I lie to everyone I know.

I'm on a course of self destruction. And I need to stop.
Sorry for wasting people's time reading this. I just needed to get this out.

 

[Lozzybabyw]

You're not wasting your time or anyone elses. Sometimes we do push the self destruct button & for different reasons. Sometimes it's not that you need to know what to do to get yourself out, sometimes it's finding the purpose to why you should. You are right you will only come out of it if you want to,but sometimes you need to let others help you through that. If you don't care about yourself, my way that I bring myself out is to think & see how I am affecting others. Maybe the breaking down needed to happen so now that you can let your friends in. Maybe it's that you are private & don't let people in... You need to ask why it is that you are doing it.. Then how can you change it.. It's baby steps & you'll do it when you are ready. Though If you didn't mean something or you weren't worthwhile.. You wouldn't have friends to break down in front of.. Try & find those positives because even the smallest thing can help you on your way. I wish you well & hope it's not too much of a painful journey for you. Hugs


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[loudsally]

Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel. I know it doesn't help but I'm right there with you.
Hugs x

 

[Juicyj]

Hi there, firstly a big hug, your not alone. I can't tell you what to do but by coming here to say something is a start. Just do one thing to start with and call your DSN. You need to speak to someone and get some support, don't try and tackle everything at once but at least try and get someone who will understand to be on your side, things will get better so don't beat yourself up x

 

[dizzyrj]

You are not wasting anyone's time, Here is a big hug from me.

I am currently being treated for depression too, I had the biggest break down at work and attempted to kill myself when I got home.

I wasn't able to face seeing my doctor about it but my boss was really supportive and had me see someone in the occupational health department and it was a relief to get things off my chest and they started me on treatment and spoke to my GP for me.
I'm with Juicyj on this, Speak to your DSN they will be on your side.

So here's to a new start

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi all,
As my post is entitled, I am seriously depressed. I feel worthless, lonely and just awful every single night for the past year, even more.
I drink heavily every night, and I cant seem to stop. I'm in a downward spiral, and I seriously don't know how to get out of it.
Tonight I physically broke down in front of my friends.
I'm actually scared to go to the doctors about it. And I feel like destroying myself everyday about it.
I'm not looking for advice on here, I no what I need to do.
I just needed to write it down and get it out there. I need to sort my life out. My levels have been awful and I lie to everyone I know.

I'm on a course of self destruction. And I need to stop.
Sorry for wasting people's time reading this. I just needed to get this out.

Hi oh bless you, please don't think you are wasting anyones time, you're not.

You know, its the unknown thats the scaries thing. Just take one step at atimeand please make an appointment to see your GP. Sometimes it feels as though its the end of the world and having a good talk with your GP about how you are feeling.

I wish you hope and a positive outcome.

No one can go back and make a new start, but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending

I wish you all the best, take care.

RRB

 

[sunnydaysplease]

Hi there
I wanted to write to say that i too have been in a big downward spiral feeling that i have given up on everyhing. My mum passed away recently and i havenot been interested in anything. I too have numbed mysef with drink and am totally ashamed. However I decided last week after feeling particularly low that i couldn't do this to myself anymore I have a 6 year old chld who is demanding and a partner who is luckily very kind but working abroad lots. Not much support here as i actually am based in Europe so i think what with my mothers death and all the isolation it is really getting to me. I hope i have turned a corner in my thinking and i am going to go to the doctor this week to see if i can get some kind of help but believe me i shouldve been going months ago but some days i just couldn't get out of bed.. I have changed my diet loads of vegetables almonds salads etc and already am feelin more energetic- i think with drink it is not possible to do anything positive to help due to sheer tiredness and regret and shame. ( I would love to befriend some of you lovely people online.) this is my first time posting here and i think it will inspire me to keep on the upward road.

I hope you too will be able to get into a better place - we deseve it!! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!! Take care and keep in touch i wish you well. I know exactly how you feel x Thanks for reading and thanks for allowing me to offload some of my burden

 

[GlazedDoughnuts]

Why are you so depressed?

 

[Deleted member 45091]

Can sort of relate to your post first of all think ya need to stop being hard on yourself and feeling guilty.. that alone should make things abit easier, as for the drinking i love a pint and can get greedy with it at times. I think youve just got to have a starting point dont think about fixing everything at once. Ive been diabetic 23 years only last so many years numbers are going all over the place. got HBA1c 10.9 percent cholestral at 7.5 but i certainly wont be panicking. Iam just gona try and do small improvements, i probably drink couple or 3 times a week sometimes having 10/12 cans makes me feel abit **** the next day sometimes but while iam having a few i can relax alot more. Ive had some comments removed lol when had a couple drinks... used to feel bad the next day but not now at the end of the day we all make mistakes.... And the healthcare teams need a kick up the ass ive been waiting for a cgm over a year because i said it would improve things and still not got it they dont like to rush things do they ha ha.. Simple points Dont feel guilty Dont put pressure on yourself...Geting told what you should and shouldnt achieve and do and you dont achieve it makes you feel down...Take the healthcare teams advice use ur own initiative as you know your body best and just make small improvements at a time then ul get there. As my cholestral is high ive refused tablets at the minute and gona try flora proactive for couple weeks lol.

 

[Deleted member 45091]

Ohh and one more thing if you look on the other side not sure what ya eating habits etc are. But me personally i know my diabetes gone abit mad iam 33 this year but i eat loads of carbs ie at least 2 slices of bread and a pack of crisps with every meal even breakfast i drink and smoke i know it aint good and clever but the way i look at ive got alot of room for improvement, so id spare i thought for those who dont drink smoke eat a healthy balanced diet and still have difficulty maintaining good sugars and health.

 

[Juicyj]

Ah bless you Danny for being honest, it's difficult to say anything but at least on here there's a crowd who can sympathise and listen. It strikes me that diabetes is like walking a tightrope and maintaining balance is key, we all fall off every once in a while and then you need a hand to get back up, your DSN should be starting point here. Don't beat your self up just learn about where you want to be and use support available to get there. Wish this would go away but it's not so just have to accept it, learnt this week my HbA1c has gone up as well as cholesterol so back to the drawing board, although reckon my diet of wine and eggs has a lot to answer for !!

 

[MCMLXXIII]

Fenugreek will get your cholesterol down and help to bolster you're sugar control.:smile:

@myroomsadisco

 

[mhoggarth]

Thank you so much for these replies, seriously thanks.

I still havent got the balls to make an appointment to see the doctor yet, but my friends swept my flat and removed all my alcohol (some i didnt even realised id hidden in places) and they have been making sure that im not lonely too much.

Thats the worst part tho, i now feel like im a burden on my friends and that they feel obligated to look after me.

To answer GlazedDoughnuts, im lonely, single (fiancee left me), fed up of being diabetic, the constant looking after yourself and testing, and i drink too much which makes it all worse, and my levels are awful lately

ive not drank since sunday night and i have been happier since writing this post, but its going to be a long road, and i think when i feel braver, i will go to the doctors

 

[Deleted member 45091]

Youl get there mate, stop looking at long term go for the short term, lifes a ***** and in my experience depression seems to happen in the more caring deep thinking types of people the type that lets things stew for days mind going all the time ha ha. Been there prob still going through it, might just be me il always be a deep thinker etc but ive accepted who i am and thats it. No point looking for worse off than yourself because that will just make ya feel worse.. Society has a big influence.. me personally iam 32 dont drive never been abroad.. currently not working, get shakes abit feel like ive got a knotted stomach all the time it gets foooooking tiring but it is what it is... Struggling geting around with anxiety and stuff the amount of times ive been in shops got to the counter and walked out because couldnt hack it is unreal... still happensn now i think what a joke iam 32 and struggle to do basic stuff aint caught a bus for bout 6 years lol. gets me down sometimes but il still keep plugging along. Trying abit each day, iam normally a sensible guy but the other day i was stressed out feeling **** money problems etc etc i put my fist through my new widescreen tele, and whats worse it made me feel abit better, iam not saing you should do this but ya cant keep taking it all in on yaself its no good. And wouldnt get ya mates cleaning for ya that will make ya feel more useless. I actually love cleaning a tidy house is a tidy mind ha ha. However iam married got kids step kids and my wife is expecting october nice house. So what iam saying just be yaself small bits each day. Sounds like ya waiting to be rescued or something to give ya boot, so what id do if i was you is get spring cleaning scented candles in the house make it smell fresh, 2 instead of drinking in the house aim for certain days something to look forward to, me i go to a quiz on a thursday so i dont drink the couple or so days before, remember if ya dont have nothing to look forward to u could drink any night. and 3 what worked for me is a pet dog company and ya have to get out and about even if ya dont feel like it. soz for the ramble and no not had a drink since saturday but will certainly be tomorrow chin up. :thumbup:

 

[damienmyers69]

I hate to admit it, i too was once like u r now, and in the long run have paid a very serious price health wise, was never a drinker but loved my sugary treats.

Even after being at point of death twice i still didnt do good by myself.

What made me knuckle down and sort my life out was being told i was going to be blind cause damage behind my eyes was so severe.

By some stroke of luck and hard work, i done so well since damage reversed itself.

But i live in constant pain, 11pills a day, and at end of day only person i can blame is myself.

If you really want to get better u will, question is, will you want to before you kill yourself or much worse?

I do hope you make it, and not end up like me, my inbox always open if ya need to talk.

All the best

D Myers

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[Thundercat]

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. A cliche but still true. You are very lucky tp have friends who care enough to clear your home of alcohol. They want to help - let them. If they found it hard, well that is friendship. Its not all picnics and daisies. It is only on hard times we realise who our real friends are. Take comfort in knowing they are there for you. It is the nature of friendship that you will get chance to returm the favour and help them whem they need you. Make a list of the changes YouTube want to make and work your way through them. Pace yourself. Turning a life around cannot be done overnight. This is a new path you are creating for yourself. The fact that you want to be better is a huge thing all by itself and your desire to be better can propel you forward. There will be set backs but dust yourself off and keep moving forward toward your goal. You will get so much support from this forum so keep in touch. My thoughts are with you
-

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[GlazedDoughnuts]

Thank you so much for these replies, seriously thanks.

I still havent got the balls to make an appointment to see the doctor yet, but my friends swept my flat and removed all my alcohol (some i didnt even realised id hidden in places) and they have been making sure that im not lonely too much.

Thats the worst part tho, i now feel like im a burden on my friends and that they feel obligated to look after me.

To answer GlazedDoughnuts, im lonely, single (fiancee left me), fed up of being diabetic, the constant looking after yourself and testing, and i drink too much which makes it all worse, and my levels are awful lately

ive not drank since sunday night and i have been happier since writing this post, but its going to be a long road, and i think when i feel braver, i will go to the doctors

You need to forget the drugs and most certainly plan for both short and long term

I've experienced similar very recently, a nasty split with the fiancee, losing sight and doing a bunch of drugs never really solves anything.

I've dealing with my issues by staying extremely active, by doing so I feel physically good but also meeting new friends/taking on new ventures.

Staying under a rock trying to understand everything that happened won't unfortunately solve your issues.

Relationships don't always last unfortunately that's a part of life. Stay active, hold good friends dear, meet new people/explore different social circles things will improve over time, stay strong. :grin:

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[Robinredbreast]

Thank you so much for these replies, seriously thanks.

I still havent got the balls to make an appointment to see the doctor yet, but my friends swept my flat and removed all my alcohol (some i didnt even realised id hidden in places) and they have been making sure that im not lonely too much.

Thats the worst part tho, i now feel like im a burden on my friends and that they feel obligated to look after me.

To answer GlazedDoughnuts, im lonely, single (fiancee left me), fed up of being diabetic, the constant looking after yourself and testing, and i drink too much which makes it all worse, and my levels are awful lately

ive not drank since sunday night and i have been happier since writing this post, but its going to be a long road, and i think when i feel braver, i will go to the doctors

Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back. It can be very hard to bare all and you have been brave enoght to do it and that a stepo in the right direction.

How is the not drinking going? giving up something can be difficult and you will need a lot of guts, willpower and determination.It will only work if you really want to do it. I wish you all the best, good luck and you are in my thoughts :thumbup:

RRB

 

[mhoggarth]

Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back. It can be very hard to bare all and you have been brave enoght to do it and that a stepo in the right direction.

How is the not drinking going? giving up something can be difficult and you will need a lot of guts, willpower and determination.It will only work if you really want to do it. I wish you all the best, good luck and you are in my thoughts :thumbup:

RRB

Its the hardest thing ive ever done. And that isnt a lie. Quitting smoking was easier. Ive gone from drinking heavily every night to nothing at all.

The first couple of nights i felt awful and as if i couldnt concentrate or do anything. Last night was better, and i know it will get easier each night.

My real achievement was that i went shopping, and did not buy any. I can not remember the last time i did that.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back. It can be very hard to bare all and you have been brave enoght to do it and that a stepo in the right direction.

How is the not drinking going? giving up something can be difficult and you will need a lot of guts, willpower and determination.It will only work if you really want to do it. I wish you all the best, good luck and you are in my thoughts :thumbup:

RRB

Its the hardest thing ive ever done. And that isnt a lie. Quitting smoking was easier. Ive gone from drinking heavily every night to nothing at all.

The first couple of nights i felt awful and as if i couldnt concentrate or do anything. Last night was better, and i know it will get easier each night.

My real achievement was that i went shopping, and did not buy any. I can not remember the last time i did that.

You seem to be a better frame of mind and I'm willing you on ( and I'm sure others are too so you're not alone. This is a good forum for help and support or a good ole moan.

I hope your life gets better and a positive future is within reach, take good care of yourself.

All the best RRBx