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Kind of you to ask. Had a week in hospital and stone surgically removed. Now recuperating at home. Sore still, but that terrible pain has now gone, thank goodness!

Two Taiwanese trainee technicians tried turning Toby's treacle to turpentine, tempting Teresa to take twenty tranquilliser tablets tonight (to Tommy's trepidation).

Epsom Salts (magnesium sulphate) is one of the main ingredients of the famous "Andrews Liver Salts" (still available) used for dyspepsia, hangover and constipation, and also the similar "Eno's", and has always been available in pharmacological grades (B.P.) for "medicinal" use. In less pure...

ManA: I had my first Indian takeaway last night: Chicken Tarka. ManB: Don't you mean Chicken Tikka? Man A: No, it's like Chicken Tikka, only its 'otter!

Did you hear about the cannibal wedding? They toasted the bride and groom!

Forty-five frightened frogs fled frantically from Fred's flamethrower, fighting furiously for freedom. Frances found a fair few fried on the fifth fairway; fortunately fair-minded friends fed them fortified figs on Friday, furtively fixing five furlongs of fencing, and flogging frightfully...

Eleven eccentric English expatriate engineers eventually exceeded every expectation by emerging every Easter elegantly exhibiting exquisite electrical equipment, ejecting energetic emissions of electronic enzymes. Every Egyptian endocrinologist enthusiastically endorsed their efforts, eagerly...

Dour Dundee dustman Donald Dewar doesn't desire Deirdre Dunbar. Dating Deirdre doubles his discomfort due to doses of Drambuie downed determinedly during daytime drinking. Decent dollies don't do drugs, but Deirdre does. So Donald dotes on Dorothy Duthie from Dumbarton who does delicious...

Courgettes, cooked carefully in custard, cooled and crushed, can constitute a cold compress for curing callouses, while cucumber cake can calm collywobbles if coated in crumbs and crammed clammily on the coccyx. Charlie Chappel chops Chinese cheese into chunks and chews it chastely every...

After an awful anticlimax, Antiguan antelope Arthur apparently attempted ascent of athletic apparatus, afterwards abseiling awkwardly across adjacent areas and alighting agilely. All antipodean antelopes asked accepted alternative activities, as any accidents are abhorred in Australia. (All...

Whilst William walked wearily westwards wearing white wellingtons, wonderful wife Wanda watched warily, wondering wistfully whether Wellingborough Wanderers would win.

Quentin quickly queried Queenie's quite quaint quips.

Old oil ordinarily opens occluded orifices, offering optimisation of obsolete operations.

Lovely Laura lent Lenny loads of lolly, leaving little lucre for Lucy's lavish lifestyle.

If Ian injects insulin into intimate item, I imagine it initially itches!

Dastardly Dave didn't deny doing the dirty on Dennis during dance-date in December.

Ugly uncle Umberto ungallantly upstaged Ursula, undulating unappealingly under Ulrika's undone undies. Unforgiveable!

Lionel's Labrador has long legs and a leather leash, loves leaping lithely over logs and licks Lucy's lovely lollipop leaving loathsome lumps in her lap.

Betty bought a bit of butter But found the bit of butter bitter, so she bought a bit of better butter to make the bitter bit of butter better. (sorry, not my own work!)

Xerxes exhaustively examines extraneous xylophones