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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine...

Two French counterfeiters had made thousands of genuine-looking notes - €50, €20, €10 - but they always wanted more. Scrambling through the discarded notes that had not passed scrutiny, they came upon a note that was completely perfect - except that it was for €18. “Never mind” said the boss, “...

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at...

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old, and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad because I can't plant...

An 80-year-old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you...

An American tourist stood by watching an Irish farmer dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called ‘Hey, pal,what’s that your doing? I’m digging up potatoes sor,’ ‘Potatoes? Those tiny things? You call them potato’s? Back home in Milwaukee we have potatoes 10 times that size!’ “Yes sor...

A couple had been wanting to have a child for so long, and was so desperate that they consulted a Shaman hoping that he could solve their problem. The Shaman said that they would have their first child next year, with a condition that it is accompanied by a curse..that the very first name or the...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to...

A horse walk's into a pub & asks for a pint of beer, the landlord says “that will be £15 please". The horse pays & then trots over to a table & sits down. The landlord walks over & says “well this is a strange occurance, we haven't had any horses in here before”. The horse replies “at £15 a pint...