10 Year-old - strange attitude?

[whitehart]

Hi. It's my first post, so first let me say "hello" to everyone out there!
My question is about my stepson. He's 10 years old, and was diagnosed with Type-1 diabetes when he was 6.
I've known him since he just turned 8, and in nearly 3 years, NOTHING has changed with regards to his "acceptance" of the condition, or the "management" of the condition.
95 times out of 100, he has to be reminded to do his blood sugar tests. I find that strange...he's had it at least 4 years, which means at least 3000 tests will have been done...yet he still needs reminding.
When we've asked him why he can't remember, he says it's not that he CAN'T remember, it's that he WON'T remember.
He knows about the consequences of not controlling his sugar levels, but says that he doesn't care.
He's also (in my opinion) exceptionally withdrawn, to the point where he has rejected friendships with other children because (in his words) he "doesn't want any friends".
We've checked with his school, and he doesn't appear to be being bullied.
His mum and I both think that he's decided that his life is not worth living because he's diabetic (which, of course, is NOT the case). We've tried to tell him about famous sportsmen and actors etc. who have the same condition, but he's not interested.
So I'm asking members of this forum - has he decided to "play the victim", or is this perfectly normal behaviour for a 10 year old boy in today's society?!

Thanks

 

[sugarless sue]

Does he know any diabetics of his own age?? Sometimes we can bang our heads on a brick wall trying to get through but we ' just don't get it' !

 

[whitehart]

Thanks for the helpful replies - we have been on some forums where people neglect to offer advice, just give abuse instead.

I know that he is only 10, and he does get supervised with his testing/insulin it is just the constant reluctance to everything that is a concern.

I have filled out an application already for a 'diabetes camp' for him to go to as I was wondering the same thing, whether it is because everyone else is not diabetic.

He is also being treated as 'disabled' by some close family members which we don't think is helping the situation, unfortunately I don't think they will change.

Do we just 'ride' with it or is there something more productive we can do to help him grow into a strong confident teenager?

 

[whitehart]

He is on Mixtard 30.

He has been on a couple of the outings that are organised by the clinic, 1 at Christmas a few years ago and another to a theme park. The problem is he isn't interested, says he was bored and doesn't want to go again! I am going to see if he can get on one of these holidays this year as I am hoping in realising he is not alone things will improve.

His friends at school are all aware of his diabetes and he has a hypo box in school. The kids are all fine with it, when he was first diagnosed he went and did his sugars at the front of the class to show them all as he thought it was 'cool'. That feeling didn't last very long and now it is just a pain (understandably). He doesn't really seem to be interested in mixing with others outside of school, never wants anyone over, never wants to go out and play, never sees any kids in the hols and isn't even interested in chatting to anyone online.

I suppose I am struggling to understand whether this is just a 1o year old kids general behaviour or whether there is something else to do with diabetes at the root of it all!

 

[sugarless sue]

I,m hesitant to use the word depression but that's what it sounds like! Maybe a doctor or councillor might get to the bottom of it.maybe he just came to realise that this is for life and is struggling to cope with that idea.

 

[whitehart]

His blood sugars tend to be all over the place. Generally his HBA1C isn't too bad, slightly high but coming down, but his sugars range from low to high all the time.

The main problem there though is that my idea and his dad's idea of eating healthy are completely different and as I am not with him anymore have no control when he is at his dads (50/50 care).

It hasn't been a gradual change with the friends, generally he never seems to be interested in mixing with others outside of school for the last few year. His school work hasn't changed and he appears to be doing OK (although I am not so convinced about the school, but that is another topic!)

His dad usually takes him to clinic as he has weekdays off from work, however, this time around I have arrange to take him to talk through my concerns with the consultant. One of my friends who is a teacher for this age group mentioned that maybe he has a version of autism and just maybe the way he is, something else that I will discuss at clinic.

I really do appreciate all your advice!

 

[KimSuzanne]

Hi there
I was diagnosed at 7 years old and went through all the same things your lad is going through, you just feel different ALL the time - different diet, injections, checking sugars etc. I just wanted to say don't panic things will sort themselves out, I started doing it all for myself in the end and felt very grown up but boys can be a bit more macho about it.
Kim
Type 1 18 years

 

[sugar]

Another one who went through this stage. I did a "complete ostrich" and ignored it completey...not a good thing to do. I went to a diabetic camp...and loved it. Mind you, I was the kind of child who was going to enjoy it...I remeber beating the Drs at cricket..and feeling very proud. I was about 9 at the time. Mind you, it was the week of Charles and Di's wedding, so it was a long time ago!
I think that you are doing all the right things to be honest. At 10, he is still a child, and will therefore expect to be nagged...it could be that he relies on you nagging for a bit of attention? I guess 10 is a difficult age anyway, with the change in school looming etc. Maybe, when this happens, and he adjusts to a new school, he wil settle down a bit. I didn't really enjoy the one trip I went on with teh hospital...as I didn't know anyone.
Sorry, I am not being much help. Denial is quite a common thing amoungst diabetics, especially children and teenagers. The best thing you can do is to make sure he stays healthy. the fact that his HbA1C isn't dreadful, is a testament to the fact that you are doing a good job with this, in difficult circumstances. As has been said, going on about complications could just make him give up completely....sometimes, when visiting teh clinic, you do see people who have suffered complications though, People with poor sight being the most obvious for a child. If he is a quiet lad, and enjoys computers and reading etc, then maybe pointing out that he may not be able to do this if he doesn't look after himself might help, but do it in a positive way! It is not inevitable by any means, but doing the best you can will stop this happening. The other thing I would add, is never put a limit on how long he could go with bad control before it happens. (There si no rule any way...some people are unlucky!!) I was told that 6 or 7 years of bad control would lead to complications. Of course I heard...go crazy for 5 years and do something about it then! Not good.

Sorry for the ramble!

 

[whitehart]

Another thanks again for the replies.

It is helpful to know that there are others out there that 'coped' with it in the same way!

I think some of the having to be nagged may well be an attention thing...he has a 4 year old sister who is, shall we say, demanding. He loves and adores her to bits but lately has been getting snappy with her so I think he may be a little jealous of all the attention she manages to pull in from everyone. This is something I am trying to kerb by not allowing her to dominate quite so much and giving some extra time to him.

I will be a regular visitor to this site as everyone has some really good advice and is happy to relay their own experiences without critisism. I know it is hard to be diagnosed diabetic, but it is just as hard being the parent, just in a different way!

 

[timo2]

are you sure your step son isnt just going to be a goth? :wink:
i was on mixtard 30 for around 10 years and never managed to get particularly good control
no matter what i tried.
i've found that basal/bolus regimens such as lantus/novorapid work far better than 2-a-day
mixtard, although it does mean 4 injections a day.

 

[Jo23672]

Hi!

Go to the Diabetes UK website. There's a page on there for kids that you could perhaps show him to make him see that having diabetes isn't quite so bad, but at the same time, educate him about the importance of looking after himself and doing regular tests.

Hope this helps.

Jo x