Advice needed asap

[Char96]

Hi, so I'm a little bit stuck and not to sure were to turn to. I'm 20years old and I'm killing myself. I have type 1 diabetes and have done for about 11 years. Over the past 6 years or so I've had more hospital admissions than I can remember, it started with using my insulin trying to overdose for personal reasons and now it's turned into being admitted with dka. Since Jan this year I've been in resus 4 times with dka. The last time being on Sunday. I was told on Sunday that next time I might not be so lucky and that on Sunday night I might not wake up. My body is shutting down, my veins are none existent, I have one vein that works and even then it only lasts for about 8 hours. It's having a knock on effect on my heart and god knows what other damage it's doing. The reason why this happens is because I'm petrified of my finger pricker, not because it hurts but because it was used against me to hurt me as a kid, so I just don't test my bloods to avoid using it, causing me to guess my sugar and guess how much insulin to take. I've been asking for help for 6 years, but this last admission has scared me senseless. I don't know if you could give me some help or advice or point me in the right direction for help on what to do before I kill myself by carrying on like this. I have my whole life to live ahead of me, but I won't see it if I carnt change my fear or overcome it or find a alternative way. Thank you x

 

[Deleted member 371625]

Has anyone mentioned a FreeStyle Libre to you?
It gives constant glucose readings via a sensor so no finger pricking, just apply he sensor and take a reading whenever you want. They are quite expensive (£150ish for first month then about £100 per month after that) but would appear easier.

https://freestylediabetes.co.uk/our-products

 

[Snapsy]

@Char96 hi and welcome to the forum! You'll find it's a very supportive place to be.

I'm so sorry to read about how you've been struggling - you've really been going through it.

Is your DSN supportive, or your consultant? If not, are you able to ask to see a different one at the same or a different hospital? Is there an opportunity to talk to a counsellor about what you've been going through? Are friends and family supportive?

Life with type 1 diabetes can be really, really tough - and many don't understand quite what a big deal it can be. It can become overwhelming. But small steps in the right direction help.

I would strongly recommend talking about this as much as possible, to gain the support of those around you, and I'd suggest the first small practical step could be to do a test. Now. Just one test. And consider the result, and take action. That's a small step in a potentially life-improving journey.

Have you heard about the Freestyle Libre? I use one. It's brilliant. It's a sensor that you wear in the arm for two weeks at a time, from which you can get a glucose reading. I still do fingerprick tests, but the Libre gives me the freedom to find out my sugar level without pricking.

Your story alarms me, because I think you're in a scary place with it all right now. I'm really, really glad to see you on the forum, and really glad that you've posted. There will be lots of others along shortly, I know, with some more advice.

Keep talking.

Love Snapsy

 

[dancer]

Sorry your having problems.
You know you haven't been looking after yourself and, in fact have been doing yourself some harm. Have you asked for help? I would have thought that they would have at least offered you cognitive behavioural therapy, so that you'd be able to test your blood. Failing that, you could test urine which isn't very accurate but is better than nothing.

Ask your GP or DSN to help you. Accept any help offered and take care of yourself. You might find it difficult but please try.

 

[Char96]

I've looked at the libre... but right now I carnt afford the up keep of it! my dsn or consultant are not helpful, I'll go to clinic and they do a print out of my blood readings from machine and they'll see that I've done it maybe once every week if that and all they say is 'at least your testing at some point' I've been trying to get help for 6 years with this, and no one seems to help. How are you suppose to trust professionals when the professionals that are there to help and support you are not bothered? It's a vicious circle.
X

 

[paulliljeros]

Hi @Char96 I'm sorry about the situation you are in, and I went through my teens, twenties and thirties doing no tests. I don't know why, because I knew I needed to, and I wanted to, but I just "forgot". Even when I remembered, something would always come up. I had huge problems with an unsupportive diabetic clinic, but with hindsight, believe it was a fault on both sides. How could I expect them to possibly help me, or guide me or advise me, if they were even more blind about my sugars than I was?
A couple of years ago, something clicked. I don't know exactly what, but it just did. I read Think Like a Pancreas and Sugar Surfing, and I realised control was achievable. I decided to think short term, with a 1 week view. I started checking BGs 6+ times a day, and started logging everything I ate. I then immediately started seeing the impact of the late/missed boluses and started taking them religiously, because every action had an immediate reaction. Without doing blood tests, everything was easily ignored.
Much of this is sadly too late. I have stage 5 CKD as a result of those early years. You clearly have a lot to consider, but look at this as an opportunity. If you break it into manageable bits, the rewards can be immense. Consider doing just one day of solid testing (set your alarm for each meal) and vow not to eat until you have tested and bolused, and as you eat, set another alarm for 2 hours later.

 

[MelissaC]

Hi @Char96

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your diabetes. It sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment but hopefully, with the help of this forum, things will improve for you.

I was going to mention the Freestyle Libre as it's a sensor which would save you from finger pricking. I don't have one myself, but I've heard nothing but good things about it. I see you mentioned the cost - would it be worth mentioning the Libre to your dsn/consultant as some places have them on trial and can lend them to you for some time? If not, I think what @paulliljeros has said above about breaking everything down into manageable chunks would be a good place to start.

Good luck x

 

[daisyduck]

The reason why this happens is because I'm petrified of my finger pricker, not because it hurts but because it was used against me to hurt me as a kid, so I just don't test my bloods to avoid using it, causing me to guess

You need to control this and not let it rule your life. Ideally a therapist would talk you through this and I'm not sure how it will work via written text on a forum. If you have a close friend who will help that would be good too.

Wait until you feel fairly calm and ready to tackle this.
Get yourself a cup of tea or coffee and sit down with the pricker in front of you. Just look at it for a while.
Poke it, pick it up and keep saying to yourself .. this is just a tool.. it wasn't this that hurt me, it was the person who was using it.
Positively reinforce by saying to yourself .. I am now the master , this simple tool is here to help me turn my life around. What happened in the past can't hurt me now... but I can be strong and make myself well.

That is a very simplified version and you might need to do it a few times.. good luck .. and don't let the past rule your future xx

 

[Snapsy]

@daisyduck can I just say what a super post?

 

[Char96]

ThNk you everyone, I will take all this on board and try and help myself! X

 

[Snapsy]

Do stay in touch and keep posting, @Char96 !

 

[Freema]

wish I had the money to help buy you both the libre and some professionals to support you every day for the next 6 month... so sad to hear how little help you have gotten... hope you have supportive friends or family at least or boyfriend or alike

 

[Sunny66]

Hi, so I'm a little bit stuck and not to sure were to turn to. I'm 20years old and I'm killing myself. I have type 1 diabetes and have done for about 11 years. Over the past 6 years or so I've had more hospital admissions than I can remember, it started with using my insulin trying to overdose for personal reasons and now it's turned into being admitted with dka. Since Jan this year I've been in resus 4 times with dka. The last time being on Sunday. I was told on Sunday that next time I might not be so lucky and that on Sunday night I might not wake up. My body is shutting down, my veins are none existent, I have one vein that works and even then it only lasts for about 8 hours. It's having a knock on effect on my heart and god knows what other damage it's doing. The reason why this happens is because I'm petrified of my finger pricker, not because it hurts but because it was used against me to hurt me as a kid, so I just don't test my bloods to avoid using it, causing me to guess my sugar and guess how much insulin to take. I've been asking for help for 6 years, but this last admission has scared me senseless. I don't know if you could give me some help or advice or point me in the right direction for help on what to do before I kill myself by carrying on like this. I have my whole life to live ahead of me, but I won't see it if I carnt change my fear or overcome it or find a alternative way. Thank you x

Hi Char, I can't pretend to understand your situation as I'm T2 diet controlled, so I won't even go there.

What I did want to say - hopefully without patronising you - is well done for talking so openly.

Have you tried asking your GP for some sort of therapy such as hypnosis, maybe Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or - dare I say it - acupuncture? I haven't done hypnosis, but have found CBT and acupuncture to be very helpful.