• Guest - w'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the 2025 Survey »

Am I being too controlling?

Thanks Anna29,
I appreciate your comments, I know I must irritate the hell out of him as I do go on and on, but it is because I'm so scared of something irreversible happening to him. I did back off this weekend and simply stopped asking and he does seem in a slightly better mood this morning lol, coincidence possibly!

I guess there's no great age to develops diabetes but being a teenager with the huge responsibility of it all must suck!
 
Hi RyansMum, sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your son. It may help to understand the thoughts he is probably having at the moment. I have started using the new blog feature on this forum. So far, I have been chronicling my experiences with diabetes when I was a child. Feel free to have a read, it might assist you in speaking with him about getting on track.
 
Thank you I will take a look at your blog, anything that can help me to help him is always welcome - and to be honest I probably need to understand more from his point of view, thanks again :)
 
No problem at all, happy to help :). I should probably warn that the latest entry finished rather bleak, but I'll be posting about how I turned things round in the coming days.
 
RyansMum said:
I am the parent of a 14 yr old boy diagnosed with type1 diabetes 8 weeks ago after months of losing weight but continually eating and drinking us out of house and home. At first we put it down to puberty but when we had to hide food at night to stop him finding it, we realised there was bigger issues and took him for a blood test. He spent 3 days in hospital when the results came back dangerously high and he seemed to except and adapt well to the condition, better than me at any rate, I cried alot that first week, especially when he asked the question "did I cause this by eating too much". The nurse obviously responded with "it's because of the diabetes you were doing it". Quilt then kicked in on my part for not realising sooner that there was a problem. His acceptance lasted until Xmas where he stopped testing and basically ate what he wanted all the while lying to us about it! Eventually caught him out when I said the diabetic nurse had phoned and wanted his testing machine to plug into her computer to review his readings (we had appointment at clinic that week) he then "lost" his machine, despite having used it an hour previous! To cut a long story short, he admitted what he'd been or not been doing as the case may be and "found" his machine! We agreed a new start from that day on, I promised to stop nagging him about testing and to put more trust in his judgement and he promised to test when he was supposed to and be more sensible with his choices of food outside the home. This only lasted a couple of weeks. To his credit he does test and he does give his insulin dose before meals but he is still eating things he shouldn't be and thinking he knows best! And he never washes his hands before testing despite the Diabetic Team and myself telling him how important it is to get accurate readings! Should I step back and let him get on with it or do I need to be constantly on his back given the severity of the condition. I'm fed up of the constant fighting, but I'm just so scared something will happen to him that could be avoided. I'm very lucky enough to have the support of my partner who is the voice of reason most days and who my son listens too when all I want to do is shout at him for not taking this seriously. Any advice from parents in the same boat would be gratefully received, many thanks.
Click to expand...

A hellish situation for you and your son. As a parent of two, one being 16 now, I would suggest you don't step back too far. You know your son and will know, between you and your partner, how best to reach him, even if it takes time. At 14 he is still very very much a child and needs parental guidance.

My biggest advice would be to try and get him involved with other young diabetics and ideally some older who were diagnosed at a similar age and who went through this and maybe with they had taken better care of themselves. Nothing helps more than experience. And reward his efforts when he's on form. Best motivation for most kids!!

Also, this is going to play a huge part of your life now so don't neglect yourself. There are plenty of people in your shoes on this forum who will always help.

Best of luck to you!
 
RyansMum said:
Thanks Anna29,
I appreciate your comments, I know I must irritate the hell out of him as I do go on and on, but it is because I'm so scared of something irreversible happening to him. I did back off this weekend and simply stopped asking and he does seem in a slightly better mood this morning lol, coincidence possibly!

I guess there's no great age to develops diabetes but being a teenager with the huge responsibility of it all must suck!
Click to expand...

You only nag him because you love and care for him deeply .
He is your precious son after all .
You ARE a 'fabulous' mum and person . ((hug))
We are here - and will/can support you .

This cant be easy for you either .
To stand back and allow him to find his own way to responsibility
with his own Diabetes care .
You may have to do this more often though
To allow him to discover his own ways to do this himself .
Less prompting or nagging free .

Yes - he will probably make a few/lot mistakes along the way .
Bite your lip and encourage him further along to the road of responsibility .
Maybe goal orientate this - by offering him a surprise reward
when he does really well with some positive progress forward .
Possibly use his favourite things as the goal achieved rewards ?
 
Thank you all again for your advice and comments, I am finding them very helpful. It's just such a difficult and new situation at the moment. He can't see beyond next week whereas I'm thinking long term!
I've broached the subject of him talking to others in his situation but he's having none of it at the moment, hopefully this will change as he matures.
I really do appreciate all your advice :)
 
He will resent being different to his mates for now .
This is normal, typical and just temporary for his age of 14.
No longer quite a young child nor a man yet - being a puberty teenager.
You have placed another seed of thought into him for the future .

May take a few days or weeks couple of months or so of time .
When he is ready he will come around after chewing this thought over
Give him some time , gradually he should be curious enough to want/wish
hopefully to look into talking with others with diabetes .
Discovering gradually he can open up and share his fears and concerns with them .
They will help and support him too .
He will feel they understand him more - for the same age/peer .

Mums and dads and grownups don't understand them at all :confused:
Is how they think and feel at this age and until they find out
where they need to be in their lives .
It is a hard one and place to be as a loving caring parent .
 
Back
Top