Am I depressed? :(

azure said:

I'd ask your GP not to send a letter home this time. Your conversation should definitely be confidential - your health always is. But you could stress to her how you don't want your family to get any hint of how,you're feeling. You could do this after you mention the letter. I'm sure she'd oblige.

It's normal to worry about the future on occasion, but don't let it become your focus. You're young and there's no reason why your future health should be bad. I'm a bit of a worrier too, but I try to stop myself because it can be exhausting.

You obviously love your aunt very much. Would it help if you thought about it from her point of view? What I mean is when I get worried about a loved one, I try to think what they'd want me to do. Usually, people you love also love you and they wouldn't want to think you were down or miserable. Sometimes thinking about that can be the motivation a person needs to look after themselves. I hope that's ok to say. It's something that has helped me when I've had family members very ill.

Keep us updated about how things go.

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Hi, I've always tried to think of it from my aunt's perspective but then again I think about how only a year ago, she was able to walk and now she can't even get herself out of bed and I wonder how depressed she is likely to be feeling and it breaks my heart but you are right, she would hate the thought of me feeling so down and miserable. Hearing the same thing from you has definitely helped me realise that I have to be kind to myself too.

I know for a fact that my next hba1c could end up shocking my endo and she will want to know why my readings are so high so I guess that will be the time I let her know what has been going on and ask her to keep it between us. I hate being a worrier, I'm fine most of the time but then I just get these periods of non-stop worrying which can last from days to weeks. I am keeping myself occupied right now with work, exercise, family and friends. Thank you for being such a great help, I really appreciate it

LucySW said:

Here it is B. I decluttered my bookmarks yesterday and here it was:

http://www.diabetesexplained.com/the-five-stages-of-grief.html

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Thank you! I have added the page to my bookmarks and will read through it before I go to sleep tonight!

CatLadyNZ said:

I'm not sure why your doctor is sending letters home about your private medical information because that's against the law. Doctors must keep everything confidential unless disclosing something is necessary to save your life, and even then, they have to let you know in advance that they are going to do that. You're an adult now and it's not appropriate for your parents to know details about your medical care anymore, unless you want to tell them things yourself.

I agree with all the comments above, and just want to add that if you need medication for depression, that is not a sign of weakness. Just like insulin helps your body deal with diabetes, antidepressants might help your body deal with depression. It's a brain disorder and sometimes the brain chemicals need a helping hand for a while. Just a thought. I wish you all the best.

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June_C said:

In the UK, if my Consultant sends a letter to my GP, by law he has to send a copy to me. If a GP sends a letter to his own patient I don't see that is illegal, after all he/she is not divulging private information to a 3rd party. It might be different in NZ....

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Here in the UK, letters are sent home as an overview of what is discussed during the appointment. I'm not saying that every single thing I say is recorded, it's just anything mainly related to my health such as my routine, exercise and anything other health concerns/questions. I know it's likely she wouldn't include any personal topics, especially if I request her not to but then again what I am mostly worried about is being referred to a mental health specialist who may send a letter home (appointments) which could then get into the hands of my parents. I know they shouldn't be reading my letters but when it comes to my health, they don't see it like that and sometimes I am not able to grab the letter as soon as it's posted. They have opened my letters on a few occasions and it really annoys me, but they believe that they have a right to see letters delivered to their children as long as we are living under their roof. They would be terrified and very hurt if they found out I've been going through this.

mrspuddleduck said:

@beardedt1. Hi, I'm a mum with a son a little older than you. Much of his teenage years were spent watching me struggle with a serious and complex illness so I have a little insight in how you feel and perhaps a lot of insight into how your aunt would feel.My son and I are lucky, we had the opportunity to talk through what was happening during those years but I know often for many many reasons that's not always possible. Despite this there were often things that my son couldn't bear to talk through with me, because I was his mum and because I was so ill, he believed he had to be strong for me. We made a pact, what he couldn't say to me he must say to someone else, and his best friend became his support at that time. Now when we look back, he says that the chance to share his worries, his grief and his stress with someone kept him going, physically and mentally. So please @beardedt1, go and talk to your GP again, if you can't say it to her show her this post, she will understand and she will help. As for the letter home, just ask her to put it on your notes that you do not want correspondence to go to your family address and that will be sorted quite easily. Take care and keep in touch with us, Sue x

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Hi, what you have written certainly does sound similar to my experience with my aunt. I used to talk about to her about her health a lot. I would ask her how she was feeling and if she had any new symptoms, whether she was tired etc. She would answer my questions but then again I always knew she was sugar-coating things and not being completely honest because she did not want to worry me or hurt me. I would always tell her about any problems I was having and she would listen to all my silly teenage issues and support me. I would also talk about my diabetes with her. Both you and your son are amazing people and the bond you share is lovely.

My aunt has gotten worse since last summer and her cognitive issues have also worsened. She still acts like herself and is still the cool and funny aunt I used to know but still, she is not the same. Sometimes she takes a few seconds to even realise who we are but we are all used to that now. I don't talk to about her health anymore (usually just the "how are you feeling?" because I do not want to hurt her or make her feel like she's just somebody with an illness. It was different when she was able to walk and care for herself but now that she's bedridden, it just isn't the same. I do bring humour into the situation sometimes and she does laugh at herself when I crack a few silly jokes like "you need to learn how to float, so you can fly out of bed" and she laughs for ages which makes me feel so happy.

After reading yours and everybody elses reply, I will definitely talk about this at my next appointment and ask her to keep it private. I find that talking about my problems with someone does help but then again, it's all about finding the right person whom you able to trust and feel comfortable with.

mrspuddleduck said:

Hi @beardedt1, I'm no expert at all, but it sounds to me like the feelings that you are having are pretty normal given the situation that you are in at the moment. Saying that, many people have a reactive type depression as a response to grieving (which in my opinion is what you are doing) and that needs support. Grieving doesn't only happen when someone dies, it can be any form of loss, in fact I'm sure many of the forum members would tell you its the emotion they felt at losing the person they felt they were pre- diabetes. You have a double whammy, coping with your diabetes and your changing relationship with your aunt who you are obviously very close too. You said it yourself in an earlier post, you need to be kind to yourself, and I believe the best way of doing that right now is to talk to someone. Oh and by the way, you should be proud of yourself, you sound like a lovely caring young man (only an old lady like me is allowed to say that without sounding patronising!), so if you ever feel like being adopted give me a shout!! Sue x

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Thank you for being there and yes right now, I feel exactly the way I felt a week before I was diagnosed. I already knew I was diabetic thanks to Google and I was grieving my heart out. This year, those feelings have been creeping up on me but since I was busy with uni and stuff, I didn't realise. I've been off from uni since April and I don't start until September. I also got back from Turkey two weeks ago after having the time of my life and I guess now that I'm back in the real world, it has really hit me hard and I have realised. Reading your message made me smile and I felt the warmth . You sound extremely lovely yourself and you could never sound patronising! I'm very flattered & wouldn't mind being adopted but it would have to be for a little bit though as i don't think my mum would be very happy hehe! x