anxiety and difficulty coming to terms with type 1

My 20 yr old son was diagnosed with type 1 in May . After a short time of euphoria at finally knowing why he felt so tired and ill for a long time preceding diagnosis he is finding it hard to come to terms with this life long illness.

He still feels he's messed up and let people down - no mater how many times I tell him he was ill but is now recovering and all will be fine and that he can do everything he ever wanted to do - diabetes will not stop him! ! he thinks he's messed up as he had a breakdown in the early weeks of yr 1 at unie - almost certainly not helped by underlying diabetes and he's now put off returning to actually start it from scratch for a second year; while recovering from the breakdown he took on a temporary job and cos of the crisis of diabetes he feels he let people down at work as he had to walk out feeling so ill .... basically he feels really down and I think is beating himself up unnecessarily. It's pretty straight - he was ill - not once but twice.... in quick succession with a lot of change and transition going on too - a lot to handle for any one - let alone a young man.

He's getting help but none the less no one seems to be addressing the fact that he is struggling in coming to terms with everything that's happened - i.e. suffered trauma and that he has a life long illness. he's somewhat lost now and lost his confidence in himself.
I'm encouraging him to try to just get on ... look forward ... do basic normal everyday things and gradually he'll feel better and his confidence will return.

Any other tips / guidance etc really welcome .

thanks

tim2000s said:

Hi @Littlefootsy, that sounds very difficult for your son. You say he is receiving help. Is this psychological help from the Hospital Diabetes clinic, as to me it sounds as though this is what he needs right now. If he isn't, you might be able to raise the issues you are seeing with the consultant or DSN to see if they can help.

All that you can do really is to keep reassuring him that it isn't his fault and that he has done nothing wrong, and treating it all positively. I know it will be a struggle, but good luck and keep going!

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he's getting group DBT therapy - but that's for the anxiety which was there before the diabetes ( no one is sure if the slow development of the daiebtes caused the anxiety or not ) - they don't talk about the diabetes and no one there has it or any other long term illness so they don't understand. the hospital tried to get counselling for long term illness specifically but it was rejected as they said he was already getting support ie the DBT - they don't get it! DBT for anxiety is not the same for dealing with diabetes.

So looks like I'll have to help him keep fighting for the specific help - as I think he just needs permission to fell cross and angry with the diabetes and get it off his chest. ie to laugh and cry as suggested by others on this thread.

Snapsy said:

@Littlefootsy I'm so sorry to hear that your son is struggling. Diagnosis and all the nitty gritty aspects of a new, overwhelming lifestyle are a big, big deal. I really, really sympathise.

I have had some similar experiences to your son's.

I have a fabulous counsellor - in a bad patch I will go every fortnight or so - the rest of the time I just check in with her from time to time. Her speciality is supporting people in coping with chronic health conditions. We just talk. I talk. She listens. We laugh. I cry. She reminds me that I'm allowed to feel cross, that it's normal to have frustrations.

@Littlefootsy it sounds like you're doing everything right - with such great support from you I'm sure he'll regain his confidence.

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yep I think that s exactly what he needs which is I think why the hospital referred him for specialist counselling for those with long term illnesses - but it was rejected. so guess we'll try another tack. thanks - given me the impetus to fight for him - as he hasn't got the fight at the moment.

thank you everyone - really helped me to know how to help him better! I'll see if I can get him onto the forum ..... if not I'll just keep raising his worries and then take back the great ideas! xx

totsy said:

Keep doing what your doing ,it seems your on the ball and good luck to your son

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thanks Totsy ....... I've been 'feeding' him the lines form the forum .... and he seems more positive - plus glucose levels been good last few days- he's been more active rather than moping around ..... all better.x fingers he can keep it up and make a new way of life without having to think so hard about it. Doc said soon it'll be like cleaning his teeth - ie habit .... think that might be a bit optimistic but certainly easier and less tiring thinking about it all the time.