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Anxiety


Being friends is the start The 'friendzone' is a silly term, in my opinion. Most girls prefer to get to know someone as a friend first. That does not mean that person will 'only' be a friend forever. Often being friends is the first step before a relationship.

Even if you don't like rock music you can ask her questions about her favourite bands and songs. Girls like boys who listen Then you can also talk about things you have in common, like school and teachers. There's a lot to talk about - plans for the future, countries you'd like to visit, etc.
 

Lol, I had a "platonic" friend like this once.. People actually thought we were a couple?
We lost contact for about 12 years after she took up with a bloke & I likewise had met my wife.
Then one day through a woman I was working with we realised we both knew her. Next minute I was on this woman's phone talking to this friend & arranging a meeting at my house..
Now this is true.. She came over, I offered drinks. She commented on my physique asking if I "worked out." No. I replied.
This was awkward. She overtly flirted like we had "history" in front of my wife. (Then partner.) the wife was cool..
Then casually mentioned "I never thought you'd settle down."

Lol, with regards to our "history". I was waiting for her to get her head together. My prediction was right. Great friend at the time. But she didn't know me..
She still didn't even know herself .....!?!
 
Your wife must be very patient @Jaylee : D I'd have escorted that 'friend' to the door promptly!
 
How about going to GP and ask if they could help you with a referral to a gym?

If you can get a gym referral (diabetes is reason enough) then it would be more on a one to one basis for a while and would give you some confidence.
 
azure said:
Your wife must be very patient @Jaylee : D I'd have escorted that 'friend' to the door promptly!
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Patient? Nah, it's confidence...
I was keen to finish it there & then.! My wife & I are on the same team.. Strength, unity & trust.
A "solo" action like that would undermine all these things...
 
A week has nearly passed and I still havent done anything with this case. Ive got great opportunities to talk with her but no, I didnt did that. There is something blocking me completely or as I said, I need to become more mature. In the company of friends Its easy to talk but I cant ask her out
 
Perhaps you're just shy @Michik

Start slowly by just saying Hello, perhaps. You don't have to go up to her and ask her out all in one go. Say Hi, smile at her to,start with. Then if that goes ok, you can think about saying more
 
azure said:
Perhaps you're just shy @Michik

Start slowly by just saying Hello, perhaps. You don't have to go up to her and ask her out all in one go. Say Hi, smile at her to,start with. Then if that goes ok, you can think about saying more
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Ive been doing it already, she is my classmate so we see each other everyday
 
Michik said:
Ive been doing it already, she is my classmate so we see each other everyday
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Then practise what to,say so you're confident. Choose a good time to speak to her - when she's relaxed and alone maybe and not in a rush. Ask her casually - just in a friendly chatty way.
 
Hi @Michik! I remember feeling like you when I was a teenager! I'd bet most teenagers feel that way if they answered honestly. Everyone is scared of asking someone out trust me! @azure suggests hanging out with her on a casual basis I think that could work and you'd feel more comfortable once you got friendlier with her. Don't worry about being "friend zoned" just yet. If she has the same interest in you it will work out!

I think you have great self awareness and that's something to be valued. I agree with @azure when she mentions to close the door on bad thoughts. This is something I've been practicing for a while and it really makes a difference! Makes more room for the positive thoughts!

You are not stupid to believe in this "beautiful world" that's another great quality you have...your romantic. My husband tells me his mates used to make fun of him for being that way but I can tell you he's very happily married now!

Exercise and gym going etc is not really my cup of tea but I thought I'd suggest maybe running? You can do it anywhere and don't need equipment etc.

All the best and I hope you practice focusing on the good thought and your good qualities that you've already shown us
 
Oh man, I was terribly shy as a kid. I barely talked to girls until I was at uni! Don't fret too much, you're still young.

My advice would be to try and gradually move out of your comfort zone little by little.

Going from where you are now to asking a girl out is a massive jump. How about just trying smaller things, like saying hello in the morning, or have a nice day, etc.

The less pressure you put on yourself, the easier it will be to build up confidence.

What stops you going to the gym, other people? Try to build confidence by running instead? You don't have to be in a gym full of people who probably try to hard anyway. Even running a few nights for a couple of weeks will change you loads. I'll promise you you'll be able to do more than a few push ups after that.. Then maybe think about going to the gym.?
 
Ya I have a similar problem
 

Maybe ask one of your friends to ask her if she likes you
 
azure said:
Or ask one of her friends to ask her if she's interested
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Oh lord no...! I'm thinking on the basis of "teenage friend politics" & "Chinese whispers"..

It's better coming form you @Michik ....

"Mediators" can mess it up...
 
So next week has passed and I think I did way better than previous time. Ive started talking to her, of course in a friendly way but still its a little progress. Its really easy to conversate with her, even though we talk about school, habits or hobbys, I see that she is very kind and outgoing. I havent reached my goal which is meeting with her but I feel a lot better and relief. I realised there is no other way to know her better but speaking to her. 3 days left from our christmas holidays so we wont be meeting by this period. But we will stay in touch via social media and then we will see what the next year will bring to us. Im really happy and a bit proud of myself for overcoming myfears
 

Well done. You're moving on...

An exchange of ideas & a real life social interaction is better than the "worship from afar." Lol, we can make the wrong judgments visually...
 
According to my previous post, I shouldnt rest on laurels but this should keep motivating me to further "operations". I realise its not the final result yet its a giant leap for me because I managed to talk with her. I overcame the block inside me, something that were telling me not to come out of "comfort zone", maybe i was afraid of pressure of society around me. For how long have I beaten this, the time will show me. If I find talking to her now very lovely, then how much lovely will be in relationship?
 
I hate myself personally. Ill end this year without reaching nothing. Maybe relationship matter doesnt fit in with me? I am still not brave enough to catch her up but I love her. We wont have met by next year because of christmas holidays. She lives in small village from my town so its not easy to meet everyday even for friendly cases. Im still hopeful I wont fail and I will prove myself that I could be with her(she hasnt rejected me yet). You may find it silly but its tough matter for me. One day I could reach the stars but the other day regret comes to my mind. I dont have any trusted person to speak to her about that. My parents wont understand that conflict, they were born in different ages and had other way of thinking.
 
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