Next thing - the drug mules come back over the border with a pickup full of Coke and Pepsi (only, the article seemed to be an infomercial for Coke).
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Hank Cardello of the Obesity Solutions Initiative, an industry-funded lobby group in Washington DC, cracks open a can of diet ginger ale and tells us.
"You have to look at ways of expanding the tool kit of solutions," he says.
"The typical regulatory tool kit is tax, ban, limit, constrain - those kinds of anti-growth words, if you would. They're anathema to what the companies have to do.
"We should ban the word 'should'. It's like a parent talking to a child. 'You should eat better, you should do this.'
"No. When broccoli tastes like a cheeseburger, I'll eat more broccoli. You don't lecture to people to get them to change."
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So which industry do we think funds this idiot? Probably not the broccoli producers of America.