This is my greatest fear. I've worked hard to be Food Positive and now my 3 original problems are rearing over me
- lack of control over other elements of my life
- fear of weight gain/insulin
- feeling obligated to my parents and how they want me to live/eat
They are the things that made me starve myself in the first place. Being hypoglycaemic half my life I've always craved carbohydrates as well as them surrounding me all the time at home. Either I don't care and basically poison myself with sugar or I stop eating full stop.
This love/hate relationship with food is killing me. Unlike an abusive partner, I can't break up with food because I need to eat to live.
With my history of severe depression and an ED I don't know what the hell I have to do to get some help.
Although it seems like its falling on deaf ears I DO appreciate your messages of support. I feel immensely guilty for raving but this seems the most appropriate place to do it...
*STARTS RANTING ONCE MORE*
I just hope to god my boyfriend goes to Uni over here and we can move in together. He's the only one who has been supportive of me and seems interested in my diabetes or conscious of why I make certain food choices or notices when I look unwell, asks what my readings are etc. he's starting to be more conscious for his own health. I work from home mostly, fine with cooking and cleaning and laundry for us. I'd be so much happier if I wasn't caught up in my parents' domestic ********.
To top it all off my university decides to tell me AFTER passing my first year despite all the trouble at home/health, that I was missing 10 credits (I was supposed to add another module to my program of study. I might have to repeat the year and find £9000 for the sake of 10 CREDITS
Aaaarrgh. It's not like I failed- I PASSED but no one told me I wasn't doing enough classes!
Stress doesn't help BG, I know. I think it's best if I vape something then try and do some work... For the therapy and the cash. I do tattoo design, costume making and animal portraits. Honestly, my cat is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes...
*/END RANT*
I will book a double appointment with a doctor I haven't seen before then whack them with my family history, symptoms and readings all on one go. Seeing it all presented like that (rather than visits over the course of years treated as separate events) might help them see the obvious problem and bigger picture.
Autism, autoimmune disorders, allergies, food intolerances, PCOS, infections, mood swings, peeing like crazy, low birth weight, eating disorders, family and random sugars more than 3 times what they should be. Surely seeing it all together like that will make them connect the dots.
I'm budgeting for the month on Monday when I get paid. I'm forgoing luxuries and if I have enough after allowing for my Dad's birthday present I will call this company that does private blood tests for £65-100.
The one I am most immediately anxious about it LADA. If that's ruled out at least I know I have plenty of time to turn things around and it wont get dramatically worse anytime soon. If its MODY then most people with that don't ever require insulin and are fine with tablets right? It can't really be type 2 right? But even then, maybe I just need to get rid of internal fat.. Somehow.
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