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Back again... again...

mouseee

Well-Known Member
Messages
739
Oh how I love this forum! It's so lovely to read through and see familiar names.
I am back again having actively avoided coming on for a long time as I'm sure my poor diet, rising weight and BG are visable over the internet. I'm basically embarrassed that I lost control of my eating and haven't got back control.

When I was diagnosed at hba1c of 101 I got it down to about 36 within 6 months with low carb.
Lost loads of weight, felt much better and all symptoms went. Then lockdown hit, my T2 poorly mum died in hospital right at the beginning, in the first 3000 in fact. Since then we've sorted out emptying and selling my mums flat, and moving house ourselves.
During all this, my diabetes didn't throw up any symptoms and I became really complacent. Carbs have crept up, the one chip as a treat became five, became a handful, became nearly a whole portion. And all the time I know I can't eat like that and yet I do.
Psychologically, I can't make my brain make the right choice although I know what the right choice is!

I have no idea how to get myself back in the 'zone' my will power is zero. I've got into bad habits and can't shift them. I am truly addicted to carbs which I haven't really admitted to myself before. It is such an important thing for my health.

My annual review is coming up soon and I'm avoiding making the appointment. Its going to be bad.... I know. I also know I need to bite the bullet and use the numbers I get back to spur me on.
 
mouseee said:
I am back again having actively avoided coming on for a long time as I'm sure my poor diet, rising weight and BG are visable over the internet. I'm basically embarrassed that I lost control of my eating and haven't got back control.
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Whoa, the forum should be a welcoming place to everyone, not only the ones who are currently doing very well, but especially the ones who are struggling!
Looks like you've been through a very hard time, please don't beat yourself up for letting diabetes slip to the back burner.
mouseee said:
I have no idea how to get myself back in the 'zone' my will power is zero.
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It definitely isn't zero. For one, you've done it once and you can do it again, and secondly, it sounds like you've done a lot of things needing will power in the past period!

Have you thought about what can help you getting back on track?
It could be lots of things. Have you thought about using a meter? Not to show you your BG is too high, but to show you how you didn't go up by much after a sensible meal? Not punishment but positive reinforcement.

There are also fun things, I saw you were interested in the Walking to Mordor thing, which can be a very rewarding way of getting your steps in.

And last but not least, what about making that appointment for your annual review, and using it not to scare yourself into complying, but to think about using medication for your diabetes, if only for a while?
Not being able to do everything needed to get your numbers down at the moment doesn't mean you deserve high blood glucose as some sort of punishment.
Sometimes having a bit of help from medication gives you just the room you need to pick things up again, and your body will thank you for better numbers, no matter if they came through strict diet or medication.

Good luck!
 
Welcome back @mouseee
You have no need to be embarrassed we understand how hard it can be and we never judge. You have taken the first step to getting back on track and putting the last couple of years behind you. Now take the next one and get that review sorted. You have got it under control once, you can do it again.
 
@Antje77 I have a monitor but guess what.... I can't bear using it as I know how high the number will be! I do use it but not often enough.
 
mouseee said:
@Antje77 I have a monitor but guess what.... I can't bear using it as I know how high the number will be! I do use it but not often enough.
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The thing is, even if you have a high number before eating, seeing your number hasn't risen much after eating means you made a wise choice, which is like a pat on the back because you did right!

The numbers before food aren't as directly influenced by what you do, so it's just a number.
Using a meter only every once in a while to see you're high isn't helpful at all.

Remember, your BG's aren't about good or bad, they are just information to use for decisions.
They may tell you your meal wasn't the best choice so you can decide to adjust your meal next time.
Or they may tell you your meal was a great choice so you can decide to have it more often.
Or they may tell you you cannot deal with your diabetes by diet only at the moment, so you can decide to discuss medication.

The numbers never tel you if YOU are good or bad, you're as good a person if you can't keep up with a strict diet at the moment as you would be if you could.
 
I can relate to the avoidance of diabetic appointments because of fear of the results. But, speaking from personal experience, worrying about the results can actually be worse than the feeling you get when you get the results. (I have done this both with hba1cs and funnily enough, with visiting the dentist. When I finally went to the dentist after a 4 year gap I needed several fillings, got prescribed "special" toothpaste, but she was non judgemental and the feeling of relief afterwards was enormous. Yes, I need more fillings but no, I don't need dentures. )

Most of us (including me) have periods of variable diabetic control. No point in lamenting that fall off the wagon, just get back on and work back to a point where you feel comfortable again.

Why don't you do a blood test today to see where you are at as a starting point for improvement?

You can do this. Lots of virtual hugs.
 
Welcome back @mouseee good to see you!

You’ve made the first step coming here. It’ll be hard, especially at first, but draw a line, make a plan and get back on the wagon. We’ll be here to support and cheer you on.
 
mouseee said:
@Antje77 I have a monitor but guess what.... I can't bear using it as I know how high the number will be! I do use it but not often enough.
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Try it you never know. A couple of years ago I went on a 2 week cruise and had a lot more carbs than normal but knew that by the time my review was due I’d be back to eating lower carbs. 3 weeks after my return my GP needed to do some blood tests and decided to an hba1c as well . When the results came back my hba1c was 36 - one point lower than the one I had 5 months before!!
 
MrsA2 said:
A good book from someone who understands is Fork in the Road by Jen Unwin
https://forkintheroad.co.uk/
Lots of tips and support, and explanation of why we all do it.
You are not alone.
Well done on coming back
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I bought the book on Amazon and it arrived today. From what I've read so far it's going to be useful.

I've got better food in the house, I've persuaded the husband to join me and we've made an ok start today.

Can only try.
 
Welcome. back @mouseee

I agree this forum is for everyone- not just those that seem to be doing well but particularly for those struggling. When I joined I had just been diagnosed and I had myself a real pity party. It's because of this forum that I was able to get out of that space.

I agree that you can do it- you have once and this time you start off with a bit more knowledge.

I am also a fellow carb addict. I have waited in vain for my taste buds to change but no. I am about to speak to a dietician with the aim of having a lot fewer artificial sweeteners. To be honest though they have made it possible to get this far. It is a journey we share but our paths are not all the same.

Be kind to yourself. You have had a lot happen which you had to deal with. It's tough balancing everything. When I started I concentrated on blood levels first then weight. I now need to tackle weight again as it is going up again (I have been avoiding the scales to be honest).

Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Good luck!
 
Hello, @mouseee , I am glad I found your post tonight. I am in the same boat carbwise and eating as you and @VashtiB . I am happy to meet you both. I am trying in this new year to eat better but I have no willpower.

It feels comforting to meet other strugglers here and read your words.
 
I know I'm not alone and that's reassuring!
I have now read most of the Fork in the Road book and its worth a read.
I have gone into the day with the point of view that I am definitely addicted to carbs and have made it to this point of the day without carbs more than the small amount in my actual food. Just got to make it to the end of the day now!
 
mouseee said:
Just got to make it to the end of the day now!
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You'll do it!
One day at a time
There's plenty more supportive resources out there, podcasts, books, seminars, support groups
 

Yay! Well done you!
 
You've not failed. Just lost your way slightly in the sadness and confusions of life right now. I did the same (after two very close losses) and also had my review coming up. But I just woke up one morning last summer and decided not to eat. I restrained until late in the day before eating and then the following two days had breakfast after 11am. Doing that, plus reading blogs on this forum kick started my determination and within the seven weeks until my review I went from about 68 down to 37! You CAN do it if you set your mind to it and I wish you luck xx
 
@mouseee as you’ve found Fork in the Road useful, you might be interested in the Clubhouse group of the same name run by Jen Unwin. 6pm every Wednesday evening. It’s a great room and a great group:

https://www.clubhouse.com/club/fork-in-the-road

There are recordings if you can’t make the time, but I’d recommend joining in if you can.
 
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