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Can I rant here, please?

Helping_hand_ said:
I think it's time for me to take a step back. I have been so stressed this week and I am still trying to care for my mum and my partner suffers from depression.
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Whoa! Too much caring. Who cares for the carer? Definitely take a step back, if you can. It won't be easy but your wellbeing may depend on it.
Mostly I try to take people as they are rather than as they "should" be or I want them to be (unless they're threatening me with a baseball bat or similar)(I imagine). I look for avenues of safe communication, like "how's the garden?" or a trip down Memory Lane. Then, defences down, I would try to sneak the diabetes thing in sideways. Above all I back off if it doesn't work.
As for more direct attempts to persuade your dad, there are plenty in the previous posts here to choose from. I'm sure we all wish you success.
EDIT Oh yes, and any happy (or at least neutral) encounters with your dad will give you something good to remember him by. Build up positive memories wherever you can.
 
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Hi everyone,

Just thought I would pop in and say hello and give you a quick update.
The low carb diet seems to be working Dad's blood sugar was 19 and now is 13, still not good but better.

He is eating well because he eats what I give him, left to his own devices who knows. He spoke to the nurse about diet and from what I gathered she gave him different advice.
So who knows who he will listen to once he has to start cooking for himself.

He really wants bread and biscuits and custard and I think not getting what he wants is making him miserable. He did go out with a friend for a Diet Coke, but again the no alcohol thing isn't pleasing him.

He is pleased with the results of his diet but he keeps going back over what they gave him in hospital and why can't he have that now.
Not sure he is totally committed to low carb.
 
Helping_hand_ said:
Hi everyone,

Just thought I would pop in and say hello and give you a quick update.
The low carb diet seems to be working Dad's blood sugar was 19 and now is 13, still not good but better.

He is eating well because he eats what I give him, left to his own devices who knows. He spoke to the nurse about diet and from what I gathered she gave him different advice.
So who knows who he will listen to once he has to start cooking for himself.

He really wants bread and biscuits and custard and I think not getting what he wants is making him miserable. He did go out with a friend for a Diet Coke, but again the no alcohol thing isn't pleasing him.

He is pleased with the results of his diet but he keeps going back over what they gave him in hospital and why can't he have that now.
Not sure he is totally committed to low carb.
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But its a start....... Well done in getting this far without hostilities breaking out.

Edit to add: He actually likes hospital food????????
 
Helping_hand_ said:
He really wants bread and biscuits and custard
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Well Lidl high protein rolls take a little bit of getting used to, but they are so very filling, much better than normal bread. :)

You are doing really well, maybe the rebel in him will want to follow what you say and not the nurse? ;)
 
zand said:
Well Lidl high protein rolls take a little bit of getting used to, but they are so very filling, much better than normal bread. :)

You are doing really well, maybe the rebel in him will want to follow what you say and not the nurse? ;)
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I looked up the NHS diet info for diabetics and it said 'healthy balanced diet' which he quoted to me. If she said he could have bread and potatoes, I have lost the battle. He thinks the 'professionals' know best.
 
I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is your best and then shrug your shoulders and let him get on with it. My Dad would never do what he was told. I am sure that's why he died. He went to hospital to have an operation. He was recovering well then got upset because another patient had a whole bathroom to himself. My Dad was told not to use it and it was cordoned off from the rest of the ward. My Dad thought he was being really clever lifting up the tape and popping in there instead of going along the short corridor to the other bathroom. He contracted MRSA and died less than 2 weeks later. There's not a lot you can do to help stubborn parents, just do your best. :)
 
zand said:
I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is your best and then shrug your shoulders and let him get on with it. My Dad would never do what he was told. I am sure that's why he died. He went to hospital to have an operation. He was recovering well then got upset because another patient had a whole bathroom to himself. My Dad was told not to use it and it was cordoned off from the rest of the ward. My Dad thought he was being really clever lifting up the tape and popping in there instead of going along the short corridor to the other bathroom. He contracted MRSA and died less than 2 weeks later. There's not a lot you can do to help stubborn parents, just do your best. :)
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OMG that's terrible Zand. I am so sorry what an awful thing to happen.
 
Helping_hand_ said:
OMG that's terrible Zand. I am so sorry what an awful thing to happen.
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Yeh, it was, that was over 20 years ago though so it doesn't hurt anymore, this is the first time* I have told anyone other than my hubby. I just wanted you to know that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, dads can be damned annoying ;) If they think they know best/can't be bothered/won't listen to reason then there's not a lot you can do about it. So don't worry about him, you've done brilliantly getting him this far into low carb. Hopefully he will be encouraged by the good numbers and stick with it. :)

Edit: * I should have made it clear that whilst I was always open with the fact that my dad died of MRSA, I haven't said publicly that I thought it was his own silly fault that he contracted it in the first place...
 
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zand said:
I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is your best and then shrug your shoulders and let him get on with it. My Dad would never do what he was told. I am sure that's why he died. He went to hospital to have an operation. He was recovering well then got upset because another patient had a whole bathroom to himself. My Dad was told not to use it and it was cordoned off from the rest of the ward. My Dad thought he was being really clever lifting up the tape and popping in there instead of going along the short corridor to the other bathroom. He contracted MRSA and died less than 2 weeks later. There's not a lot you can do to help stubborn parents, just do your best. :)
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I set Agree to your last sentance,
Otherwise have a big hug from here, Us oldies are very stubborn when we want to be.

My dad used to say 'there's none so deaf as those that don't want to hear'
 
@Helping_hand_ Well done for persevering. It's difficult enough trying to make our loved ones see sense without having the rug pulled from under us by the NHS.
 
So long as he keeps testing he will soon work out which diet is better for him. Just remind him of the numbers.
 
Mark_1 said:
So long as he keeps testing he will soon work out which diet is better for him. Just remind him of the numbers.
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So long as I keep testing him and controlling his food. He won't make the effort for himself. My mum was late making dinner last night and he threatened to order a Chinese takeaway.
 
Helping_hand_ said:
So long as I keep testing him and controlling his food. He won't make the effort for himself. My mum was late making dinner last night and he threatened to order a Chinese takeaway.
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He sounds a right old curmudgeon.. maybe get some brochures from the nearest funeral home and ask him which kind of coffin he would like? Depending on your relationship that could be a make or break scenario...
 
Helping_hand_ said:
So long as I keep testing him and controlling his food. He won't make the effort for himself. My mum was late making dinner last night and he threatened to order a Chinese takeaway.
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Your a better person than me. I think I would have killed him by now. He is blackmailing you both into doing his bidding by threatening to self harm unless you jump through hoops whenever he says. He sounds very controlling. Maybe its time for you both to stop pandering to him, it sounds very tiring.
 
Mark_1 said:
Your a better person than me. I think I would have killed him by now. He is blackmailing you both into doing his bidding by threatening to self harm unless you jump through hoops whenever he says. He sounds very controlling. Maybe its time for you both to stop pandering to him, it sounds very tiring.
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Yes he is very demanding and manipulative. I think it's why my mum stayed with him when she should have left years ago, he always threatened to drink himself to death if she left. She couldn't live with the guilt if something had happened to him.

I said I would give him 6 weeks until he recovers from surgery, blood sugars are continuing to come down. After that he needs to take responsibility for himself, I'm not like my mother I won't feel guilty because I know I have done my best.
 
Helping_hand_ said:
I said I would give him 6 weeks until he recovers from surgery, blood sugars are continuing to come down. After that he needs to take responsibility for himself, I'm not like my mother I won't feel guilty because I know I have done my best.
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Good plan. :)
 
Helping_hand_ said:
I said I would give him 6 weeks until he recovers from surgery, blood sugars are continuing to come down. After that he needs to take responsibility for himself, I'm not like my mother I won't feel guilty because I know I have done my best.
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Yes a good plan. Maybe after your ministrations and his blood sugars come down to a reasonable level he will start to feel better in himself. And though he may not admit it that increased feeling of well-being may encourage him to maintain that.
 
@Helping_hand_ - When is your Dad's next appointment with his vascular team? If you feel you are not getting through to him, then in your shoes, my next steps would be to approach his vascular team; not for a consultation, as they may not agree to that, unless your Dad had consented to his condition being discussed with you, during his acute phase.

Again, I would write to them, expressing my concerns about his diet, and smoking aspirations, suggesting his preference appears to be to revert to his pre-crisis lifestyle . Hopefully they would take the time to reiterate the need to change to look after his diabetes and for his vascular health. I have a strong suspicion that the re-plumbing job he has had done on his legs would be a far bigger challenge to do again, if it is possible at all (I have no idea). Perhaps the prospect of a re-run of the discomfort, fear and loss of independence could be helpful, bearing in mind how fresh all of that is in his mind at the moment.

The reason my Mother's toe/foot/leg was saves was she won the lottery, in terms of luck. The tiny clot blocking the blood vessels she had left to her foot resolved spontaneously. Apparently that in incredibly rare,a dn the vascular surgeon was at enormous pains to stress to my mother that the chances of getting that luck another time were minuscule.

Good luck with it all. I do hope he catches on before you strangle him! You really are trying hard.
 
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