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DarkRose

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Hi i’m 17 years old and i’m a Type 1 Diabetic from plymouth (UK) with depression and anxiety. i don’t really know how to word this but i’ve been really really bad lately with my mental health and here goes: idk, i’ve been depressed before and i’ve gotten through it, but somehow this time feels different? i feel like my whole world is crumbling down around me and i feel like i’m failing at everything i try, everyday i wake up to emails of rejections from jobs, and i keep having to ask my parents for money when i need it and i can’t support them which makes me feel like a disappointment to them and a failure as a son, my sleep patterns messed up yet again and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better so what’s the point of trying to change when 2/3 months down the line i’ll be in the exact same position? i really REALLY don’t see it getting better i’m on the verge of crying writing this. i really really don’t know what to do. i’m in such a dark place right now. and secondly this whole coronavirus has me so unbelievably worried you don’t understand cause i also have really bad anxiety and i can’t lie i can’t stop worrying about this whole coronavirus being diabetic it’s such a scary thing and i’ve taken myself off all social media to try and escape the constant talk of it. it’s like i literally worry about anything and when there was talks of WW3 i deleted everything for a few weeks because it could be the tiniest thing but if there’s a shred of possibility it could happen it sets my mind racing, and those few weeks of no social media or anything was the best i felt in ages and obvs the coronavirus propaganda isn’t helping my depression and anxiety but i’ve been really bad lately anyway so i was hoping that just a deep social media cleanse would help but even after deleting everything (it’s been like 4 days now) i still worry and even if i feel the tiniest bit different to normal for whatever reason i go into such immense worry. i rarely leave the house anyway because of my depression and anxiety my mum is the same. my sister and dad go out the house but are always washing their hands and limiting contact with the public as much as possible but i still worry? and because this virus doesn’t seem to be easing off anytime soon my anxiety just seems to be getting worse. i just feel like bursting into tears because like i said before i’ve been bad before but this time just is so much worse i’ve never fallen like this before. and it’s super hard for me because i’ve been suicidal before but never gone through with anything and i just feel sometimes like i don’t wanna be here but not in a sense of death (because death worries me so much) but in the sense of i just wanna stop hurting and it’s hard because growing up suicidal i don’t know how to cope or what to do with my life because in the harsh reality i wasn’t planning on being here for this part of my life you know? but going back to my main reason for my problems with this coronavirus i just can’t stop thinking about things again,it’s on my mind first thing in the morning last thing at night when i’m doing something that takes my mind off it, it always finds a way back in. i just wish i could turn off my anxiety and depression even if for a day. i don’t know what i can do because i just hate this feeling of constant fear? you probably think i’m an idiot for worrying this much but i can’t help it this is who i am.
 
Hi @DarkRose and welcome to the forum.

I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. These are very difficult and worrying times which no doubt are not helping your underlying depression and anxiety.

Have you felt able to talk to your parents or a trusted friend about any of this? Or if you don’t feel able to do that, the Samaritans are available at any time of the night. You can call them free on 116 123.
 
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. I had exactly the same problem with the constant bad news and used the same technique as you have. I don't watch TV news except for odd occasions and I try very hard to walk straight past the newspaper stand in our local co-op. 17 eh? That's now 50 years ago for me and it was certainly a time when life was simpler, no social media to contend with for a start. There's a list of things that got to me and the only thing I can say is that you get through it.

You've opened up to all of us and there's quite a few of us. As Goonergal say, try talking to a family member, the Samaritans or even go to your GP.

Take care of yourself and talk to somebody.
 
Hi
DarkRose said:
Hi i’m 17 years old and i’m a Type 1 Diabetic from plymouth (UK) with depression and anxiety. i don’t really know how to word this but i’ve been really really bad lately with my mental health and here goes: idk, i’ve been depressed before and i’ve gotten through it, but somehow this time feels different? i feel like my whole world is crumbling down around me and i feel like i’m failing at everything i try, everyday i wake up to emails of rejections from jobs, and i keep having to ask my parents for money when i need it and i can’t support them which makes me feel like a disappointment to them and a failure as a son, my sleep patterns messed up yet again and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better so what’s the point of trying to change when 2/3 months down the line i’ll be in the exact same position? i really REALLY don’t see it getting better i’m on the verge of crying writing this. i really really don’t know what to do. i’m in such a dark place right now. and secondly this whole coronavirus has me so unbelievably worried you don’t understand cause i also have really bad anxiety and i can’t lie i can’t stop worrying about this whole coronavirus being diabetic it’s such a scary thing and i’ve taken myself off all social media to try and escape the constant talk of it. it’s like i literally worry about anything and when there was talks of WW3 i deleted everything for a few weeks because it could be the tiniest thing but if there’s a shred of possibility it could happen it sets my mind racing, and those few weeks of no social media or anything was the best i felt in ages and obvs the coronavirus propaganda isn’t helping my depression and anxiety but i’ve been really bad lately anyway so i was hoping that just a deep social media cleanse would help but even after deleting everything (it’s been like 4 days now) i still worry and even if i feel the tiniest bit different to normal for whatever reason i go into such immense worry. i rarely leave the house anyway because of my depression and anxiety my mum is the same. my sister and dad go out the house but are always washing their hands and limiting contact with the public as much as possible but i still worry? and because this virus doesn’t seem to be easing off anytime soon my anxiety just seems to be getting worse. i just feel like bursting into tears because like i said before i’ve been bad before but this time just is so much worse i’ve never fallen like this before. and it’s super hard for me because i’ve been suicidal before but never gone through with anything and i just feel sometimes like i don’t wanna be here but not in a sense of death (because death worries me so much) but in the sense of i just wanna stop hurting and it’s hard because growing up suicidal i don’t know how to cope or what to do with my life because in the harsh reality i wasn’t planning on being here for this part of my life you know? but going back to my main reason for my problems with this coronavirus i just can’t stop thinking about things again,it’s on my mind first thing in the morning last thing at night when i’m doing something that takes my mind off it, it always finds a way back in. i just wish i could turn off my anxiety and depression even if for a day. i don’t know what i can do because i just hate this feeling of constant fear? you probably think i’m an idiot for worrying this much but i can’t help it this is who i am.
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HI I just want to say I feel like I could have written this post, I hugely relate to you, especially about the whole suicide ideation and not planning on being here. I too am terrified of the current state of the world regarding covid-19.

I just want to say you are not alone x
 
Hi Dark Rose, my previous post was removed, however hollyslot says it better than me.
I too around age 14 to 18yrs old was mildly suicidal over highly reported but highly exaggerated probability events. (in my case WW3 and destruction of all civilisation).
So I understand how you feel.


Edited by moderator
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi @DarkRose ,

Warm welcome to the forum.

I learned a long time ago there are a lot of things beyond our control.
But there are many things within our capability to manage.

@ianf0ster 's link seems like a good start.

My personal view on self harm & suicide. It hurts the people closest who realy care.

Best wishes. Please keep talking...
 
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