Type 1 Denial and very poor management

[jlarsson]

If she's anything like me, you constantly bringing it up will do more harm than good, overprotective parenting is one of the things that annoys me the most. I spent about 14 years not taking my monitoring seriously regardless of what people told me. Listening to people I don't look up to or respect(I know this sounds harsh) is not interesting, if there is someone that I admire that has some interesting story to tell regardless of the subject, that will be far more interesting than a parent pestering me. If she has someone like that, whether it's a musician or an athlete or businessperson or whatever, particularly if that person has had to overcome something like an illness or oppression or something like that, that will likely serve as a better awakening. At the end of the day, it's her body and it's her that needs to wake up in her own way.
Personally, I got fed up with my situation and decided to move to a different country by myself with nobody helping me out with anything except for finances. I was forced to take care of myself and when something went wrong it was my own fault, I had nobody to blame and just slam the door at.

Disclaimer: INTP-A, never had any friends with diabetes, never attended any events for diabetics

 

[lindijanice]

Thanks for taking the time to respond Lindijanice. You are quite right she resents any input from me from even gentle reminders about testing her blood sugars to giving her insulin, it’s often met with anger and invokes an abusive response. She rejects most sorts of contact with others with diabetes. It’s the stepping back bit I find so difficult, I feel it’s my place to encourage her to look after herself and I would be failing as a parent if I left her to get in with it, but at this point I will try anything so I can think about that idea... thanks again, kind regards

You will be in my thoughts and prayers that you will have wisdom, grace, patience and continue to show your daughter unconditional love.....if you read some of the T1 threads about going through this very kind of diabetic depression, I hope it will encourage you that one day your daughter will come around and see that life can be wonderful, even with diabetes. I so admire these young people as they meet many obstacles in their young lives that many of us would have found just as difficult or even more so if we had been diagnosed at such young ages...and yet they are handling it supremely well and leading meaningful lives...

There is an article on diabetes and depression somewhere here on the Forum so have a read....might give you some insight and ease of mind/L

 

[PenguinMum]

Clarebear I feel for you. It doesnt matter how old they are they are still your babies. Has she got a best friend or friends who could influence her. Sometimes with friendships from childhood you know the other mums and you could discretely get the message through that route. I find the youngsters all speak a different language to us oldies but love social media so if she could meet people her age on the young section of this forum it would be so useful. She could be anonymous and not feel pressure. Good luck.

 

[ClareBear 2]

If she's anything like me, you constantly bringing it up will do more harm than good, overprotective parenting is one of the things that annoys me the most. I spent about 14 years not taking my monitoring seriously regardless of what people told me. Listening to people I don't look up to or respect(I know this sounds harsh) is not interesting, if there is someone that I admire that has some interesting story to tell regardless of the subject, that will be far more interesting than a parent pestering me. If she has someone like that, whether it's a musician or an athlete or businessperson or whatever, particularly if that person has had to overcome something like an illness or oppression or something like that, that will likely serve as a better awakening. At the end of the day, it's her body and it's her that needs to wake up in her own way.
Personally, I got fed up with my situation and decided to move to a different country by myself with nobody helping me out with anything except for finances. I was forced to take care of myself and when something went wrong it was my own fault, I had nobody to blame and just slam the door at.

Disclaimer: INTP-A, never had any friends with diabetes, never attended any events for diabetics

Thanks jlarsson for taking the time to respond so honestly, it sounds like you’ve had a rough time and hope the steps you took are working better for you. I get that I get on her nerves most of the time, it’s hard not to give the little reminders once she’s finished eating or when she gets up in the morning, thanks for giving me an honest account of being on the receiving end of the nagging. She did say that it’s just not become second nature to have her insulin, is it something that comes in time? I do think sometimes she will get so fed up that she’ll just move out and probably go on to manage it all herself without my ‘help’. Having a mentor makes sense, I could ask around for some ideas... thank you and best wishes to you

 

[ClareBear 2]

Clarebear I feel for you. It doesnt matter how old they are they are still your babies. Has she got a best friend or friends who could influence her. Sometimes with friendships from childhood you know the other mums and you could discretely get the message through that route. I find the youngsters all speak a different language to us oldies but love social media so if she could meet people her age on the young section of this forum it would be so useful. She could be anonymous and not feel pressure. Good luck.

Thanks PenguinMum for your response, she lets very few people know that she’s diabetic and is very reluctant to talk, she did meet a couple of other young people at college with diabetes which I was really pleased about but then dropped out of her course in favour of an apprenticeship. It’s definitely food for though tho’. She wouldn’t go on a forum, I did suggest the libre group in Facebook which went down like a lead balloon. Someone else mentioned a mentor type person so defo an idea to work on, Thanks so much

 

[ClareBear 2]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers that you will have wisdom, grace, patience and continue to show your daughter unconditional love.....if you read some of the T1 threads about going through this very kind of diabetic depression, I hope it will encourage you that one day your daughter will come around and see that life can be wonderful, even with diabetes. I so admire these young people as they meet many obstacles in their young lives that many of us would have found just as difficult or even more so if we had been diagnosed at such young ages...and yet they are handling it supremely well and leading meaningful lives...

There is an article on diabetes and depression somewhere here on the Forum so have a read....might give you some insight and ease of mind/L

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement, I do feel a bit more confident having read all the advice that we can both do this

 

[jlarsson]

Thanks jlarsson for taking the time to respond so honestly, it sounds like you’ve had a rough time and hope the steps you took are working better for you. I get that I get on her nerves most of the time, it’s hard not to give the little reminders once she’s finished eating or when she gets up in the morning, thanks for giving me an honest account of being on the receiving end of the nagging. She did say that it’s just not become second nature to have her insulin, is it something that comes in time? I do think sometimes she will get so fed up that she’ll just move out and probably go on to manage it all herself without my ‘help’. Having a mentor makes sense, I could ask around for some ideas... thank you and best wishes to you

I obviously can't speak for her but for me the second nature kicked in pretty instantly with the odd time where you forget, if she's had it for 8 years that does sound like she's just making excuses, unless there's something affecting her memory.
While we're on the topic of second nature, I would strongly recommend getting the Libre full time as that effectively eliminates the need to do finger pricking which is both a pain in the rear and eventually painful if you're using your fingertips most of the time. It wasn't until I got mine last year that I finally took my monitoring seriously.

 

[ClareBear 2]

I obviously can't speak for her but for me the second nature kicked in pretty instantly with the odd time where you forget, if she's had it for 8 years that does sound like she's just making excuses, unless there's something affecting her memory.
While we're on the topic of second nature, I would strongly recommend getting the Libre full time as that effectively eliminates the need to do finger pricking which is both a pain in the rear and eventually painful if you're using your fingertips most of the time. It wasn't until I got mine last year that I finally took my monitoring seriously.

Someone else recommended the Libre, she did a trial and it was really good and she actually did use it so I am going to get on with that and get some ordered and just suck up the cost. Thanks again.

 

[Scott-C]

One of the things which really put it in perspective for me, @ClareBear 2 , was reading Breakthrough...by Thea Cooper.

It's a carefully researched book about the efforts which were put into the discovery of insulin.

The stories about the lives of pre-discovery T1 kids living on starvation diets are harrowing.

I really want to slap T2 keto enthusiasts in the face when they suggest that that sort of low carb diet was some sort of nirvana - they haven't looked at the pictures: they make Auschwitz victims look well fed.

And the stories about T1 parents queing around the block in the desperate hope of getting their wee ones some insulin before they die a horrendous dka death.

Your kid does't need to go through any of that.

She is being completely and utterly selfish.

There are people dying in the third world world because they don't have access to the insulin which we get for free.

She needs a damned good clip round the ear.

Get her to read Breakthrough, and then ask her whether she appreciates her lot a bit more.

You're going to have to play a lot more hard but fair here.

 

[ClareBear 2]

One of the things which really put it in perspective for me, @ClareBear 2 , was reading Breakthrough...by Thea Cooper.

It's a carefully researched book about the efforts which were put into the discovery of insulin.

The stories about the lives of pre-discovery T1 kids living on starvation diets are harrowing.

I really want to slap T2 keto enthusiasts in the face when they suggest that that sort of low carb diet was some sort of nirvana - they haven't looked at the pictures: they make Auschwitz victims look well fed.

And the stories about T1 parents queing around the block in the desperate hope of getting their wee ones some insulin before they die a horrendous dka death.

Your kid does't need to go through any of that.

She is being completely and utterly selfish.

There are people dying in the third world world because they don't have access to the insulin which we get for free.

She needs a damned good clip round the ear.

Get her to read Breakthrough, and then ask her whether she appreciates her lot a bit more.

You're going to have to play a lot more hard but fair here.

Ordered on eBay! Thank-you. I did read an article about how they experimented on dogs and discovered insulin, very interesting. Sounds like an interesting read, we don’t know how lucky we are in so many respects.

 

[Scott-C]

Ordered on eBay! Thank-you. I did read an article about how they experimented on dogs and discovered insulin, very interesting. Sounds like an interesting read, we don’t know how lucky we are in so many respects.

The story in Breakthrough about "dog 92" aka "Marjorie" is heartbreaking.

Banting, the major player in discovering insulin, was a generally emotionless guy, but got quite close to dog 92.

She was made diabetic so they could test out insulin formulations, she was one of the first to survive after they kind of got it right, she followed him around the lab, but then he decided he would only prove the concept if she died so he could do some tests.

So, she died. He made a point of telling all his patients how much they owed to dog 92. It's almost a hundred years later. People who whine about how their lantus/novorapid isn't working that well really don't appreciate that they wouldn't be here at all if Banting and dog 92 hadn't done what they did. Dog 92 is one of the unsung heroes of T1 treatment.

 

[ClareBear 2]

The story in Breakthrough about "dog 92" aka "Marjorie" is heartbreaking.

Banting, the major player in discovering insulin, was a generally emotionless guy, but got quite close to dog 92.

She was made diabetic so they could test out insulin formulations, she was one of the first to survive after they kind of got it right, she followed him around the lab, but then he decided he would only prove the concept if she died so he could do some tests.

So, she died. He made a point of telling all his patients how much they owed to dog 92. It's almost a hundred years later. People who whine about how their lantus/novorapid isn't working that well really don't appreciate that they wouldn't be here at all if Banting and dog 92 hadn't done what they did. Dog 92 is one of the unsung heroes of T1 treatment.

Aww, we are a family of dog lovers and have a lovely little furry girl who we all adore, maybe that story will resonate, poor Marjorie, she must have have no clue what was going on an what her legacy was...

 

[Scott-C]

Aww, we are a family of dog lovers and have a lovely little furry girl who we all adore, maybe that story will resonate, poor Marjorie, she must have have no clue what was going on an what her legacy was...

It's a great legacy, Clare: tens of thousands are alive because of it.

Give that kid of yours a slap round the head and tell her to be grateful.

If that doesn't work, get her on here, and we'll sort her out!

 

[ClareBear 2]

Heehee, I can but try

 

[Snichy]

Buy her a wheel chair and white cane and put it in her bedroom as a constant reminder of the implications of poor management. Sounds like only shock therapy will work now.

 

[ClareBear 2]

She’s got retinopathy already but it’s like water off a ducks back. I think I could wave an amputated foot at her and still get no reaction! Very frustrating but I promised myself I will stop nagging

 

[Hammyjames50]

I would like to help to try reach out to her if I can I was her all over I’m 22 had diabetes since 15 was in denial for years now in tube fed and struggled because of my actions maybe if she seen in hand th complications it causes she would change her mind cruel to be kind