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Denial?

K

Knitnpurl

Member
Messages
7
Type of diabetes
Family member
Treatment type
Non-insulin injectable medication (incretin mimetics)
My husband has Type II (since 2006) and I have had such a battle to keep him on the straight and narrow.

In the beginning, the shock was enough for him to be extremely careful about his diet, but in latter years has has got quite blase about it. It's almost as if he thinks he can eat what he likes and that the medication will counteract it.

Christmas has been a nightmare this year as I've been ill and not able to monitor what he gets up to in the kitchen all the time. Normally I try not to have cakes and pastries etc. in the house - if they're not there he can't pig-out - but we have family staying and why should they be penalised? I gave up last night when he walked into the lounge with a plate full of cake!

Talking to him about eating responsibly is fraught as he sees it as a personal attack - he seems to be in total denial that his condition needs to be managed by diet as well as medication.

Apart from turning the kitchen into Fort Knox what else can I do?
 
It is not easy coming to terms with things. I found it easier being a vet as appreciate the horrible complications that can occur from not looking after your diabetes. With type 2 he may have the potential to "reverse it." What I mean by that is with wt loss (is he overweight?) his tissues become sensitive to insulin again.

I am still in the honeymoon period but think best to get on top of things now so when my pancreas completely gives up I will already be on track etc. If he doesn't then he too may become reliant on insulin, plus his meds. Why not get him on this forum to speak to other Type 2's?

When I developed epilepsy I learnt the hard way that talking to ppl helps; even going to counselling; has he considered this?

D
 
Dazza - thanks for the response. :-)

As far as getting himself onto this forum - don't hold your breath! That's part of the problem - he doesn't see he HAS a problem! Hence the title of this thread - he's living in denial and I don't know how to snap him out of it!
He comments about his blood sugar readings being high, but does very little to help himself! I feel as though I am living with a large child who thinks he doesn't have to obey the rules!

I feel as though both of us are suffering from diabetes as I am constantly having to be one step ahead of him - I'm a little fed-up of having to be the 'parent' in this situation!
 
You could always try the 'scare tactic' - although not ideal it may strike a nerve. You could show him pics/videos about diabetic complications. Things like foot ulcers and cataracts that can develop if he doesn't manage his condition. I had long discussions with my optician actually just after my eye exam. I got clean bill of health from him but discussed possible ocular complications. His reply was that he has some patients that have had diabetes 50-60yrs and eyes are perfect due to their good management. Others who don't care are now in dire straights. So, you see, we're not destined to suffer as some would worry.
 
Being the partner with the type 2 I can see both sides. I try very hard to be 'good' and am controlling with diet at the moment. However there are times when I do not want to be any 'type' just ME. This can be hard on everyone [especially those who care for you] but I have found it stops pretty soon especially if no one critisises [which IS hard I know]
Over christmas I was very careful and good and my family provided a great assortment of food I could eat so I never felt left out or de[prived. Only plip was once when sweets were being handed around and my grand child sntched them away saying 'father says youre not allowed' in a very firm voice. I nearly lost it but bit my tongue and smiled saying 'actually I am allowed but not too many, just like everyone else'.
I know it was told to them like that so they didn't keep pestering me but it was hard not to just scoff the lot!!!
 
Knitnpurl said:
Christmas has been a nightmare this year as I've been ill and not able to monitor what he gets up to in the kitchen all the time. Normally I try not to have cakes and pastries etc. in the house - if they're not there he can't pig-out - but we have family staying and why should they be penalised? I gave up last night when he walked into the lounge with a plate full of cake!
Click to expand...

I am going to be a little unconventional here. His problem could be that he sees your attempt at helping as a control freak activity. In other words his behaviour might be against you rather than diabetes.

Bring him a plate of sugary cakes and insist that he eats some of them. Take a more destructive role instead of doing his worrying for him.

He might think that you are trying to kill him but he might just become a little defensive. You never know your luck
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Knitnpurl said:
Christmas has been a nightmare this year as I've been ill and not able to monitor what he gets up to in the kitchen all the time. Normally I try not to have cakes and pastries etc. in the house - if they're not there he can't pig-out - but we have family staying and why should they be penalised? I gave up last night when he walked into the lounge with a plate full of cake!
Click to expand...

I've been quite strict with myself since finding out that I have type 2. I have had iron-willpower at times, and have been able to say no to most things. Then Christmas happened and suddenly the house is full of chocolates, cakes, and all the wonderful things that I can't and shouldn't eat. Wham, in 2 days my blood sugars are running, on average, in the low teens. So I can definitely understand where your husband is coming from - I've come to the conclusion that if the food is there, I will eat it. Therefore I need it to not be there so that I can get back on to my healthier regime.
It's really difficult to be surrounded by festive food that you are not supposed to eat. It becomes very easy to think "oh well, just one chocolate won't harm", but one becomes two, and so on.

If he's in complete denial about his condition then there's not much that you can do about forcing him to realise the damage that he's doing. There's no quick fix and no easy answer, except to remain supportive as you already are, and if he doesn't have the willpower to resist the off-limits foods, then you can't bring them into the house even if others will suffer.
 
I think this is one of those issues that sometimes has to wait until its moment has come.

No-one could 'nag' me (as I saw it) into giving up smoking until I suddenly decided to do so, in May. I've no idea why I did it then, or why I’ve stuck to it since – its time had simply come.

On the T2 diagnosis, I was in denial for probably 2 years, as successive visits to the GP gave gradually increasing BG levels.

No, I was Mr Invincible: These sort of things didn’t happen to me, there’s none of it in the family, they’ve made a mistake with the tests, and so on, were all trotted out in my mind. It was only when I started to feel so bloody awful that I began to take it seriously, read up about it and then realised what a complete prat I’d been.

It seems sad to say, but maybe The Squire has a point. The next stop from there would be symptoms but, although they’re wonderful at focussing the mind, I wouldn’t wish them upon anyone.
 
Thank you for all the advice and comments - I guess I will just have to let Christmas get out of the way and try NOT having 'naughty' things in the house :-/

I suppose that he will not change until something horrible occurs - in the meantime I'll just try to promote healthy eating while I can!

(but it IS hard.......)
 
i would agree with christine look up the thread "terminal and scared" that would scare the bejesus out of me, its worth a try

hes lucky to have you caring for him, best of luck
 
Hi. You have my sympathy. May be having some cakes in the house, but home-made ones or no-added sugar low-GI purchased ones. There are cake recipes that have much lower carbs than shop-bought horrors; my wife makes Molly Cake (Google it). I can only suggest subtle menu changes that remain acceptable and gradually reduce portion sizes
 
it is hard i was given a box of sweets (quality sweet tins) by my boss thi yr along woth a bottle of wine ? less than a month ago i told him i was diabetic and hes known im teetotal for 7 yrs .. ingorence to some to me i found it rude ... parr of the course it seems but dont give up with him just yet eventually as the complications come he will wish he helped it along ... lots of love and support to you must be so hard xxx
 
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