Depression - Bad Day

[RYU]

Sorry, for posting here but I don't want to worry the GF any worse than she already is.

It's just a bad day. I'm looking at my life and the future and all I can see is endless tablets, endless medical appointments and I just don't see why I should bother. If diabetes is progressive then all I can see is it getting worse and worse and me becoming a hindrance to my friends and family. I've always been self sufficient if someone needed help it was me they came to, now all of a sudden its like my legs have been kicked out from under me and I just can't find a stable footing to use to get up.

The doctors has put me on anti-depressants as well as the metformin but they just seem to make things worse. I went from thinking about things to actually planning them out. I managed to get out of that frame of mind but I can feel it sneaking back in and to be honest I just want some peace, just five or ten minutes where I'm not worrying about the future or how I'll take care of my partner and myself.

Things are just weighing me down and I'm slowly drowning.

Sorry for posting here but I needed to get it off my chest and I didn't want to upset the GF.

If an admin feels it shouldn't be here then just delete it.

thanks again

 

[satindoll]

Hi @RYU,

I think we all have days like this, I've been diabetic for quite a few years now and to be honest it is a pain, but its never about the diabetes I get these feelings, the testing and jabs I do daily have never made me feel that way, what does it for me is another health problem or four.
In the beginning I never thought I would get to grips with it, it was all too much hassle, but gradually I did find I could cope and manage this devil that rides my shoulder so now its just a thing I do day to day, maybe not quite as natural as breathing but near enough.
Diabetes doesn't have to be a progressive degenerative disease, you can live a full and active life, you just have to grab the devil by the throat and kick his ass, ok you may have to take a little more care of yourself than you used too, but is that such a bad thing, I think not, and it may have benefits you've not even considered.

 

[June_C]

Hi @RYU.

I echo everything Satindoll has said. It knocks the stuffing out of you when you get the diagnosis. I panicked and wondered how much longer I'd got. A year on, I have now taken it in my stride, dealt with the endless blood tests and injections as though they've always been a part of my life. If you can keep a tight control on your bg levels, there is no need to fear for the future. Complications are not always automatic. I have read here of some Ds who are still going strong 50 years after diagnosis. Inspiration for us newbies I think.

 

[AndBreathe]

Sorry, for posting here but I don't want to worry the GF any worse than she already is.

It's just a bad day. I'm looking at my life and the future and all I can see is endless tablets, endless medical appointments and I just don't see why I should bother. If diabetes is progressive then all I can see is it getting worse and worse and me becoming a hindrance to my friends and family. I've always been self sufficient if someone needed help it was me they came to, now all of a sudden its like my legs have been kicked out from under me and I just can't find a stable footing to use to get up.

The doctors has put me on anti-depressants as well as the metformin but they just seem to make things worse. I went from thinking about things to actually planning them out. I managed to get out of that frame of mind but I can feel it sneaking back in and to be honest I just want some peace, just five or ten minutes where I'm not worrying about the future or how I'll take care of my partner and myself.

Things are just weighing me down and I'm slowly drowning.

Sorry for posting here but I needed to get it off my chest and I didn't want to upset the GF.

If an admin feels it shouldn't be here then just delete it.

thanks again

How long have you been diagnosed? Your profile says you're type 1.5, on Metformin. As a matter of interest, what tests did you have for diagnosis?

 

[Totto]

Sorry, for posting here but I don't want to worry the GF any worse than she already is.

It's just a bad day. I'm looking at my life and the future and all I can see is endless tablets, endless medical appointments and I just don't see why I should bother. If diabetes is progressive then all I can see is it getting worse and worse and me becoming a hindrance to my friends and family. I've always been self sufficient if someone needed help it was me they came to, now all of a sudden its like my legs have been kicked out from under me and I just can't find a stable footing to use to get up.

The doctors has put me on anti-depressants as well as the metformin but they just seem to make things worse. I went from thinking about things to actually planning them out. I managed to get out of that frame of mind but I can feel it sneaking back in and to be honest I just want some peace, just five or ten minutes where I'm not worrying about the future or how I'll take care of my partner and myself.

Things are just weighing me down and I'm slowly drowning.

Sorry for posting here but I needed to get it off my chest and I didn't want to upset the GF.

If an admin feels it shouldn't be here then just delete it.

thanks again

Are you depressed or is it a reaction to a crisis? Being diagnosed with diabetes, asthma, hypothyroidism, psoriasis, AF or whatever can lead to depression. By the way, the above conditions are all diagnosis I have to live with. First was asthma and I was devastated. Twenty years on it's no problem as long as I inhale morning and evening. Hypothyroidism no problem either. Can't really say diabetes, my most recent diagnosis after AF, as I know how to control it. It's really very simple for me, don't eat carbs but eat fat. Initially I tested my BG very often, now only now and then. I'm on no diabetes medication and have a normal HbA1c and when I test I'm rarely above 6.

Depression is something I have some experience of too. I'm now very happy I never committed suicide as I now know wanting to do that is a sure sign you are actually very sick and need help. Coming out on the other side of a depression can be very liberating. Anti-depressants worked for me when I eventually was put on them at the age of 30-something. How I survived my younger depressed years is a wonder.

Anti-depressants are supposed to go together with counselling. Have you got counselling? As it seems likely your depression is at least partly due to you recent diagnosis I think counselling is more important than tablets.

You tell us you have been able to help others. You've been, and I quote,always been self sufficient if someone needed help it was me they came to, now all of a sudden its like my legs have been kicked out from under me and I just can't find a stable footing to use to get up.
So now it's your turn to need help. Ask for help and let your girlfriend and others give back to you what you have given to them. It's called support and what people who love each other give freely.

 

[Patricia21]

Hello RYU.
So sorry you are having a bad day.
The antidepressants tend to make you feel worse at first and its a few weeks before you will feel better,I also found Metformin has side effects at first but it settles down.
I dont let diabetes get me down as I know I can control it with how I eat and find it very easy,yes it was a shock at first but I dont think about it much now,I have had worse things to cope with.
I know what its like to feel low .I had a realy rough time with anziety a few months ago and wouldnt wish it on any one.
I expect you have had a post from Daisy like all new members,with good advice.
Look round the forum and look for advice on what to eat,it realy does make all the difference.
Take each day as it comes,and ask anything you want to know.

 

[RYU]

I've no Idea why my profile said 1.5 it should have said type 2.

I was diagnosed a little under a month ago.

I went to the doctors for some more tests as he believed I was suffering from something called Bowen's Disease (a form of skin cancer) which I am but its easily treatable but it meant I had to have a full blood work up. I rang up for the test results and the receptionist who would normally give them out refused to do so and Insisted I make an appointment to see the doctor. I managed to get an appointment three days later only to be told that I have a vitamin D deficiency so severe that I need to take prescribed vitamin supplements for the next six months and that I was also type 2 diabetic at the same time he placed me on 10 mg of Citlopram as we both agreed that I was suffering depression after two weeks he increased that to 20mg. I've got another two appointments tomorrow and since I've been diagnosed I've been to the doctors more than I have in the past Two years combined I'm starting to feel like it would be easier just to take a sleeping bag and a camping stove with me and move in to the waiting area.

The GF has been AMAZING both with taking control of the changes to my diet and helping when she can but she also let slip that she has the insane belief that my diabetes is somehow her fault.

I used to drink about four to six pints of milk a day - I like milk what can I say - she said it wasn't healthy and got me to change to pure fruit drinks. I also used to eat nothing but sandwiches as I was on the go all the time and it was quick and easy but she started making me a bento box each day and started us eating a load of rice and pasta as she was always told that it was healthy. When we went to the doctors he said I had to cut out all the juices and rice and pasta etc so because she suggested the change she thinks that she some how increased my chance of diabetes. Don't get me wrong shes, cute and amazing but she can also sometimes be WAY over protective and come up with the most insane of ideas.

I've not had counseling but to be fair I don't hold out much hope for it if I do get it as I don't like talking to people face to face and normally just deal with my problems myself. It's just that this problem seems to be too big, normally I'd break a big problem down and deal with it a piece at a time but this is just to many problems that are to large and to...I don't know. It's all just to much at the moment day after day you know.

Sorry for rambling.

Typing it up seems to be helping its like i can see it in front of me for the first time rather than everyone walking on egg shells around me. A friend actually referred to it as my little problem the other day. I was too busy gawping at her to correct her though.

 

[Totto]

Vitamin D deficiency can cause depression. I needed huge doses get to normal levels, like 6000 IU per day. And I'm out doors all day during the summer. Since gong on a different kind of thyroid meds I can manageon a lower dose.

I think you need to decide for yourself what too eat and drink but also to start actually talking with your girl friend.

It seems your GP is uncommonly sensible. IMO it's a good idea to cut out milk, fruit and fruit juices, bread, pasta, rice and potatoes. Do your own googling or even better, do it together. My favourite is the http://www.dietdoctor.com/lchf

You can break this down into manageable pieces too eventually but if I were you I'd take the chance and use the current bad place to learn how to communicate about bad things with your loved ones. They will only love you more for it. As will you.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

Citalopram and other SSRI antidepressants have a small risk of making things worse at the very start, and for this reason doctors are supposed to monitor people closely at the start. However, it seems you have been on them for a while now, so it may be that you are out of the woods in that regard? If you feel that things are worse or you are still having suicidal thoughts please do go back to the doctor to discuss it. A different drug might be better suited to your needs.

It can take at least 1-2 weeks on 20mg to start feeling better, and it may take up to 6 weeks. Some people need more than 20mg. Also, it will take time for your vitamin D levels to reach normal, but I have no idea how long this will take.

Adjusting to a diabetes diagnosis can take some time. Over the 3 years I've been a member of this forum I've seen a lot of people feel down or stressed at the start and then a few weeks or months later they seem to find it much easier to deal with. So I'm confident things will get better for you. Hugs.

 

[RYU]

Vitamin D deficiency can cause depression. I needed huge doses get to normal levels, like 6000 IU per day. And I'm out doors all day during the summer. Since gong on a different kind of thyroid meds I can manageon a lower dose.

Yeah the doctors got me on 50,000 units a week for ten weeks then he's dropping it to 20,000 units for 6 weeks then it goes back up to 4,000 units a day for another ten weeks as a maintenance level. I swear with all the tablets I'm having to take I feel and I'm sure when I walk I'm starting to sound like a tube of smarties.