Type 1 Depression

[Robynberrill]

I don’t have many people I can talk to and although my doctors and diabetic nurse do help, I feel like I’m at a loss.

So, I have had type 1 diabetes for around 4 years now, found out when I was 18 and it was pretty much out of the blue. There was no reason for this, no one in my family are T1, the reason I was told was that I had either gone through a really stressful time or traumatic experience. A few months after I found out I was rushed into hospital with DKA with only hours left before I went into a coma. Although this was pretty scary for me and my family, I still struggled to cope afterwards. Fast forward to last year I finally went on the DAFNE course which helped A LOT. But a few months afterwards, I kind of spiralled again.

See I have this mental attitude of, I don’t want diabetes, I never asked for this, I don’t know how I got it so why me????? I guess I have struggled with coming to terms with it since I found I have it 4 years ago but only really admitted it this year.

I’m constantly feeling lost, I’ve been prescribed anti depressants which were fine for a couple of weeks but now I’ve started to forget to take those. I’ve lost the routine of not checking my bloods regularly and just pretty much guessing from the carbs I’ve eaten of how much insulin I need to take.

There are other factors in my life that have led to depression which I’m working on, but the diabetes, well I feel like that’s taken a hold on my life and I’m never going to get it back.

The hardest thing is, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools to help me. But I just really can’t accept this life.

 

[Freema]

I don’t have many people I can talk to and although my doctors and diabetic nurse do help, I feel like I’m at a loss.

So, I have had type 1 diabetes for around 4 years now, found out when I was 18 and it was pretty much out of the blue. There was no reason for this, no one in my family are T1, the reason I was told was that I had either gone through a really stressful time or traumatic experience. A few months after I found out I was rushed into hospital with DKA with only hours left before I went into a coma. Although this was pretty scary for me and my family, I still struggled to cope afterwards. Fast forward to last year I finally went on the DAFNE course which helped A LOT. But a few months afterwards, I kind of spiralled again.

See I have this mental attitude of, I don’t want diabetes, I never asked for this, I don’t know how I got it so why me????? I guess I have struggled with coming to terms with it since I found I have it 4 years ago but only really admitted it this year.

I’m constantly feeling lost, I’ve been prescribed anti depressants which were fine for a couple of weeks but now I’ve started to forget to take those. I’ve lost the routine of not checking my bloods regularly and just pretty much guessing from the carbs I’ve eaten of how much insulin I need to take.

There are other factors in my life that have led to depression which I’m working on, but the diabetes, well I feel like that’s taken a hold on my life and I’m never going to get it back.

The hardest thing is, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools to help me. But I just really can’t accept this life.

Oh poor you it seems you maybe should find or create a group of others your age so you Will not be so alone in you diabetic situation , it seems to me that worries and grief doubles when one is too much alone with troubles and a bad condition , it is sad you feel so bad about you condition

 

[Little_Lucy]

So I’ve had diabetes for nearly 3 years now and I’m most definitely not in your position however I did go through a similar diagnosis story and it was a shock as no one was expecting it but It never really bothered me at all because I just thought oh I have this now I guess I’m going to have to deal with it. I see that this is where you are struggling in acceptance, you said you struggled for a long time and then got help. Why did you wait so long??
And no one wants diabetes it’s a horrible thing to have but you just got to think of you got through dealing with a coma then you can do this, it’s not the best thing in the world but you just have to let it be there enough for you to take the insulin but diabetes shouldn’t be a backseat driver either, it doesn’t rule your life.
And I know one of the hardest things a diabetic can know is what diabetes can do to you but if you don’t see that with clear eyes then you’ll never take the disease seriously and you will constantly feel depressed about your disease cause you’re not managing it properly trust me having a good blood sugar reading is one of the best things in the world as then you’re less at a risk of: heart stroke, blindness, bad feet or amputated legs. I’m sorry to put all this on you at once but you have to understand that that is something you don’t want and to save yourself all you need is a prick of the finger that takes less than a minute to insure you are okay.
Also with carb counting most people eat the same things on a basis which is structure so you still have some structure in your life left, anyways my point is when you start carb counting because you eat the same things you’ll just know.
I would also talk to your doctors about getting a pump and tell them how you are feeling because the pump will bring normality back into your life as well as a cgm so then no more injections are finger pricks just things you have to change every few days.
Now don’t do what you did in the past and wait for years before you get help like you said you have all the tools, use them, weekly meetings with someone or even weekly posts on this site will give you some structure in your life which can help you get back on track so go use the tools.
Hope this helps x

 

[kitedoc]

Hi @Robynberrill, To have your life threatened for no rhyme or reason is a shock, no doubt about it. And the loss of some independence, and the constancy of measures required and performed by you to keep you well all add to that burden. It sucks !!
First know that you are not alone in these troubles and second that we get through it no matter the challenge or drag that is set.
From my long experience of diabetes and depression and most things in between: (as a fellow TID, not a health professional)your thoughts,
1) cultivate friends, supports, little by little , diabetic buddies too.Talk, write a diary, whatever to express your thoughts just as you have on this forum, it saves bottling everything up. Speak with a counsellor who you find you can get along with even if they might challenge you from time to time. Always have a way to contact him/her or a Crisis line if you feel really low.
2) one step at a time - try to take on one task at a time, perhaps what you eat - what would make it more interesting and 'fun', there are some pretty interesting recipes to be found - find your own names for them etc, same with injections and BSLs. There was an old pop tune called "Needles and Pins" that I would hum when preparing injections. Can this bsl reading done for a few days be improved, whatever else is happening? Discuss things with your dsn too.
3) try to develop or revive a past interest - some hobby or pastime, something that is enjoyable in some way. if it involves some exercise and socialising so much the better. It can be a bit zany if you wish (like me being kite-crazy)
4) I have been on anti-depressants for some time ( and insulin for 51 years with strong family history of depression)). I am currently on an insulin pump but previously I would keep my anti-depressants with which ever insulin was at the similar time of taking e.g. morning dose of antidepressant with morning insulin. That way things were easier to remember to take.
5) I made an interesting discovery over the past 7 weeks or so. I was advised to reduce my anti-depressant dosage to see if I really needed the usual dose. Within a week or so I found my insulin requirement when up 30 %, and I struggled to keep the BSLs stable. I stayed on the reduced anti-d dose for 4 weeks in all, as instructed). Then I went back to the original dose. My BSLs improved after one week, and insulin doses fell back to original doses. Why this happened I do not know but it worked. It might work for you if the dose and medication are right. Something to discuss with your doctor
6) develop self humour - whatever humour works - so I have a very poor 'batting average' for hitting blood vessels when injecting, only 3 times in 51 years ! shameful !, and muggins here accidentally doubled up on his evening insulin dose - punishable by sitting up at night dosing himself ice-cream. Being Australian I had thought about the out-dated practice of trying to suck up snake venom from a snakebite and applying that 'principle' to extracting the extra insulin from the injection site. But sanity prevailed.
7) Bringing back the belief in oneself - not being a victim of some foul twist of fate but a survivor ( but not like the TV program though!!). I was very sick when diagnosed in 1966, before disposable pens, syringes, needles, fancy insulins, pumps, glucose meters etc. With support, parents who were practical as well as loving, the challenges were met, trial and error, step by step ( or goose step by goose step as I cynically called it). Hypos get me down ( Rainy days and Mondays ....).
8) Breathe! I found that if I got worried or stressed over something I would hold my breath. I was literally holding all that in. By breathing steadily through the worry, not too deep or rapid, I was breathing the worry out, not bottling it up. If you have ever tried yoga you would know. But even walking , listening to music, dancing, watching a comedy and laughing allow breathing to work.
9) be open to learning about diabetes through things like this forum, (breathe), your reading, your health team (breathe) and so on. Maybe not straight away. I still learn and am daft enough to really need it !!
10) Oh no, when will this end! 10 is for anything else which helps.
My Very Best Wishes to you on your journey. There are turbulences but also calm waters. Insulin is your friend also. Please keep posting and sharing that journey.

 

[alphabeta]

Hello!! I might be able to help you if you want to. PM me

 

[Prem51]

Hi @Robynberrill. I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I'm T2 so can't give you any advice on the T1. But I do cope with depression too. You say you were ok with meds for a couple of weeks, but now forget to take them. I take meds for depression and find it helps to keep them on my kitchen worktop where I will be preparing my evening meal, so I remember to take them when I eat.

 

[RAPS_od]

Hi, Robynberrill! I'm very happy you came here to talk about this. Welcome.
First thing you should know is you're not alone. I've had T1 for 50 years and know lots of other T1s and we've all gone through the same period where everything feels so unfair and unappealing all you want to do is lay in bed, cry, and eat all the things you're not supposed to have.
Recently, researchers and healthcare providers have identified this period as diabetic grief, where you grief the loss of freedom and feelings of immortality one has until confronting disease. I went through this for a LONG time. No one in my family had T1; in fact, when my parents asked the doctor what to feed me when I came home, they told them to let me eat what I wanted, since I probably wasn't going to make it. (Remember, 50 years ago...)
Fortunately for me, my parents didn't listen. Also, I met other T1s through a camp here in the states called Sugar Free Kids. I learned that I have T1, others may have blue eyes. It's just a characteristic of my body that I need to take care of.
Don't get me wrong; I still dislike it. I'd love to eat a glazed donut with no consequences. That's not going to happen with some care, such as taking meds to counter the sugar.
Remember, you're still you. I see you have beautiful hair (lucky you!) and I bet you take care of it. Same thing with this condition.
Be kind and forgiving to yourself, and seek out others (like you did with this post). It's not a death sentence. You can do it.

 

[Madmaureen]

I don’t have many people I can talk to and although my doctors and diabetic nurse do help, I feel like I’m at a loss.

So, I have had type 1 diabetes for around 4 years now, found out when I was 18 and it was pretty much out of the blue. There was no reason for this, no one in my family are T1, the reason I was told was that I had either gone through a really stressful time or traumatic experience. A few months after I found out I was rushed into hospital with DKA with only hours left before I went into a coma. Although this was pretty scary for me and my family, I still struggled to cope afterwards. Fast forward to last year I finally went on the DAFNE course which helped A LOT. But a few months afterwards, I kind of spiralled again.

See I have this mental attitude of, I don’t want diabetes, I never asked for this, I don’t know how I got it so why me????? I guess I have struggled with coming to terms with it since I found I have it 4 years ago but only really admitted it this year.

I’m constantly feeling lost, I’ve been prescribed anti depressants which were fine for a couple of weeks but now I’ve started to forget to take those. I’ve lost the routine of not checking my bloods regularly and just pretty much guessing from the carbs I’ve eaten of how much insulin I need to take.

There are other factors in my life that have led to depression which I’m working on, but the diabetes, well I feel like that’s taken a hold on my life and I’m never going to get it back.

The hardest thing is, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools to help me. But I just really can’t accept this life.

I feel for you as it is a unforgiving illness and sometimes you need.to forgive it.
When u say "why me" I have to answer that when I feel like saying it but I never have I think to myself "why not me" that gets me thru sometimes.
I have had diabetes for 48 years and type 1. I would never want to change this life even now I live alone and I am proud of who I am and what I have done. Yes I get worried and have to follow "some rules ha ha " but I know it will never beat me. I have to beat it!!
You have the tools and as.time goes on you will think to yourself yes I am going to beat it! I treat it as a game sometimes.
Keep in touch with the forum as we are all in the same boat and I wish you all the best...

 

[hlt88]

I don’t have many people I can talk to and although my doctors and diabetic nurse do help, I feel like I’m at a loss.

So, I have had type 1 diabetes for around 4 years now, found out when I was 18 and it was pretty much out of the blue. There was no reason for this, no one in my family are T1, the reason I was told was that I had either gone through a really stressful time or traumatic experience. A few months after I found out I was rushed into hospital with DKA with only hours left before I went into a coma. Although this was pretty scary for me and my family, I still struggled to cope afterwards. Fast forward to last year I finally went on the DAFNE course which helped A LOT. But a few months afterwards, I kind of spiralled again.

See I have this mental attitude of, I don’t want diabetes, I never asked for this, I don’t know how I got it so why me????? I guess I have struggled with coming to terms with it since I found I have it 4 years ago but only really admitted it this year.

I’m constantly feeling lost, I’ve been prescribed anti depressants which were fine for a couple of weeks but now I’ve started to forget to take those. I’ve lost the routine of not checking my bloods regularly and just pretty much guessing from the carbs I’ve eaten of how much insulin I need to take.

There are other factors in my life that have led to depression which I’m working on, but the diabetes, well I feel like that’s taken a hold on my life and I’m never going to get it back.

The hardest thing is, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools to help me. But I just really can’t accept this life.

 

[hlt88]

I feel for you. Your diagnosis situation is pretty much the same as my 21 year old son. Diagnosed age 17 - nearly 18 and came completely out of the blue - no history of T1 in our families. Interesting you say you were advised T1 onset was due to stress/traumatic experience - my son had recently taken his GCSE's examinations - he's not academic, I'd put a fair amount of pressure on him to revise - I often wonder if the stress of this was a trigger. However, prior to that about 6/8 months before he'd had whooping cough, so I guess his immune system was low. Anyway, like you he is ignoring his diabetes. I would say he NEVER tests his blood sugars, and he guesses insulin requirements for the carbs he's eaten. He has also recently completed a carb-counting course. He lies about testing his bs levels - says he's done it but he hasn't He finds the bs testing the worst part of diabetes management, so consequently he's not doing it. I've tried everything - crying, screaming, anger, pleading, supporting......NOTHING will make him test his bs levels. He's not interested in the Libre CGM either as he doesn't want anything attached to his body or visible to anyone - he's very cagey about letting ANYONE know he's a T1 diabetic - which is a worry to me as he is now living away from home at university. Needless to say his bs are very high all the time. I understand from his diabetes consultant that it is a common thing among young people that they don't manage their diabetes well during this part of their life.....and then suddenly, something kicks in - maturity? fear? responsibility? makes them start managing their diabetes. I am praying for this to kick in with my son. For you I would say you have also been in this denial/anger situation regards your diabetes, but it seems to me the fact that you have made contact on this forum shows you are gently moving into the phase of taking responsibility for your health. It might not be fully kicked in yet, but it's certainly in your thoughts and that's a good thing. I think a T1 diabetes diagnosis is depressing enough as it is to deal with......and especially when you are a young person and have many other things to deal with or learn about in life. I would suggest small steps each day. Don't dwell on when you didn't manage your T1 well, just focus on the positive management and the benefit this will have on your bs. If you could set yourself a target of testing your bs before a meal even just once a day that would mean you could see where your bs levels are, calculate your insulin dosage for your meal and also calculate a correction insulin dose also if you need to bring your bs levels down. This once a day bs test would allow you to give a managed insulin dose according to your bs level needs. Make that a routine that you can stick to and not necessarily to a time limit before you up your game. Just make it a routine that is as natural as the other routine things you do such as brushing your teeth. I feel if you can do this it is A) manageable B) not too intrusive on your day to day life C)…..I feel that after time of doing this routine....you will become "curious" during other times in your day wanting to know what your bs levels are up to and will sneak in another test.....and perhaps another...and over time you will see that you are managing your T1. I wish all good health, good health management and happiness to you and to all the T1's - especially the young adults, struggling to get back control......hang in there, small steps each day and you will succeed. God bless.

 

[abyss01]

I totally get what you are feeling. My depression and anger includes my diagnosis of diabetes. My life wasn't easy before this but this definitely put a stamp on it. I will not lie to you, I do not find myself in control yet but I went on a course this year and I feel better with learning the most update knowledge of my type 1 diabetes. Keep your head up, the most important thing is to never let an illness run your life, that's where I went wrong. Make adaptions for it, but never give in.

 

[alphabeta]

Again, I am very open if you want to reach out, do so! If you need a type one diabetic to talk to on a daily basis or just vent out, I am more than happy to help

 

[HanaEv]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I've had T1 for 20 years. Since I was 4 years old. I've never had good control of my Diabetes, and because it takes over my life and there are things I can't do, or eat, or the treatments I need are unavailable and/or stupidly expensive (e.g. Freestyle Libre), I get so depressed. So depressed that I don't go out, don't go and do things, avoid socializing and just hide away in my bedroom on my laptop, phone, Xbox and watching my TV.

I used to base my injections on how I felt plus what I was eating. All without testing. Although doing this on the odd occasion isn't frowned upon, doing it all the time is. But I seemed to be alright, so who cared? The reason I didn't test was I couldn't be bloody assed to get all the bumf out (monitor + sticks + lancet) and then put it all back again each and every time.

The Freestyle Libre has saved all that, and possibly my life. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's so easy and quick to test now that Diabetes doesn't take over my life anymore! And it's definitely helped my Depression, in regards my Diabetes anyway. I also have many other things that affect my Depression, and I am also on antidepressants; my dose has been put up recently, so regardless of the Diabetes getting much easier, I'm still Depressed.

If you need somebody to talk to who has experienced Diabetes and Depression exactly the same way you have, drop me a message. I'd be more than glad to help! I hope things start to look up soon x

 

[Chlovantsant95]

I don’t have many people I can talk to and although my doctors and diabetic nurse do help, I feel like I’m at a loss.

So, I have had type 1 diabetes for around 4 years now, found out when I was 18 and it was pretty much out of the blue. There was no reason for this, no one in my family are T1, the reason I was told was that I had either gone through a really stressful time or traumatic experience. A few months after I found out I was rushed into hospital with DKA with only hours left before I went into a coma. Although this was pretty scary for me and my family, I still struggled to cope afterwards. Fast forward to last year I finally went on the DAFNE course which helped A LOT. But a few months afterwards, I kind of spiralled again.

See I have this mental attitude of, I don’t want diabetes, I never asked for this, I don’t know how I got it so why me????? I guess I have struggled with coming to terms with it since I found I have it 4 years ago but only really admitted it this year.

I’m constantly feeling lost, I’ve been prescribed anti depressants which were fine for a couple of weeks but now I’ve started to forget to take those. I’ve lost the routine of not checking my bloods regularly and just pretty much guessing from the carbs I’ve eaten of how much insulin I need to take.

There are other factors in my life that have led to depression which I’m working on, but the diabetes, well I feel like that’s taken a hold on my life and I’m never going to get it back.

The hardest thing is, I know what I need to do, I have all the tools to help me. But I just really can’t accept this life.

Also diagnosed four years ago with T1 , most of the time I feel alone and that people don’t understand although I have a very supportive partner I don’t really know anyone going through the same. It’s gets very lonely and difficult and I also feel like I’m not in control! Sorry to hear your struggling but hope you take comfort in the fact your not the only person out there feeling this way xx

 

[alphabeta]

Also diagnosed four years ago with T1 , most of the time I feel alone and that people don’t understand although I have a very supportive partner I don’t really know anyone going through the same. It’s gets very lonely and difficult and I also feel like I’m not in control! Sorry to hear your struggling but hope you take comfort in the fact your not the only person out there feeling this way xx

Do reach out to other type 1 diabetics! You won't feel lonely