depression,

[kevo]

ive been a diabetic for about 10 years 2 years it was uncontrolled and I must admit I had stopped taking my meds, 2 years ago I had a stroke after that my moods changed I started to think and act in odd ways I became depressed I became angry I was scared felt my life was over became more dependent on my wife never left the house alone for 18 months , in the end I met some one else who I had things in common with and gave me the attention my wife had stopped giving me, no blame on my wife she was always tired me and 2 small children I now realize this was all my fault and now im paying for it as im now alone. the question is as any one else been depressed and done things that they now look back at and think what the hell was I doing it was as if some one or something had taken control of me

 

[Deleted member 83869]

ive been a diabetic for about 10 years 2 years it was uncontrolled and I must admit I had stopped taking my meds, 2 years ago I had a stroke after that my moods changed I started to think and act in odd ways I became depressed I became angry I was scared felt my life was over became more dependent on my wife never left the house alone for 18 months , in the end I met some one else who I had things in common with and gave me the attention my wife had stopped giving me, no blame on my wife she was always tired me and 2 small children I now realize this was all my fault and now im paying for it as im now alone. the question is as any one else been depressed and done things that they now look back at and think what the hell was I doing it was as if some one or something had taken control of me

Wow I feel for you! Have you got better control now?? I have depression, I went through a bad patch a few years ago, wasn't testing my sugars or anything so wasn't having the right amount of insulin etc which led to DKA, which I have had 3 times!

I am doing better now, but I am still very depressed! x

Hope all goes well for you! x

 

[zand]

Hi, welcome to the forum. Yes I've been depressed too and it was exactly as you describe...like something had taken control of me. It wasn't your fault so don't blame yourself, what's important is how you move forward from here.

 

[graj0]

Yes, and I'm lucky to have survived.

 

[kevo]

Wow I feel for you! Have you got better control now?? I have depression, I went through a bad patch a few years ago, wasn't testing my sugars or anything so wasn't having the right amount of insulin etc which led to DKA, which I have had 3 times!

I am doing better now, but I am still very depressed! x

Hope all goes well for you! x

thanks for that , now im alone living in a big house no family ot friends here so being alone is whats getting me down sugers now between 8 and 11 I take my meds every day and try to exercise more and eat not so much ****

 

[kevo]

Hi, welcome to the forum. Yes I've been depressed too and it was exactly as you describe...like something had taken control of me. It wasn't your fault so don't blame yourself, what's important is how you move forward from here.

thanks, yes now my sugers are under control that other person as now left and im left alone here in this big house here in Germany with out my wife and kids and all I keep thinking is what the hell was wrong with me what was I thinking what the hell have I done and why

 

[kevo]

im

Yes, and I'm lucky to have survived.

so glad to hear that

 

[graj0]

I wish I could be more helpful, I'm sorry. I hope that time will be the great healer that it's supposed to be. I'm experiencing tons of **** from my youngest brother at the moment and I've done nothing to invite the sort of **** that he throws at me. I know that it's depression and the best I can do is stay well out of the way.

 

[kevo]

Wow I feel for you! Have you got better control now?? I have depression, I went through a bad patch a few years ago, wasn't testing my sugars or anything so wasn't having the right amount of insulin etc which led to DKA, which I have had 3 times!

I am doing better now, but I am still very depressed! x

Hope all goes well for you! x

how are you dealing with your depression, im just very lonely and confused

 

[Deleted member 83869]

thanks for that , now im alone living in a big house no family ot friends here so being alone is whats getting me down sugers now between 8 and 11 I take my meds every day and try to exercise more and eat not so much ****

No family whatsoever? I am sorry! x

 

[Deleted member 83869]

how are you dealing with your depression, im just very lonely and confused

Not so great! I was on antidepressants but stopped taking them...pretty much been disowned by my family too! Only have my boyfriend. Life....I hate it x

 

[zand]

thanks, yes now my sugers are under control that other person as now left and im left alone here in this big house here in Germany with out my wife and kids and all I keep thinking is what the hell was wrong with me what was I thinking what the hell have I done and why

Well if you were like me, you weren't thinking because you couldn't because you were depressed. Have you managed to tell your wife and friends how you felt at the time and how you feel now? All I can say is stick with the forum, they are an amazing bunch.. They have helped me get through a few bad patches already. The diabetes advice is usually excellent too!

 

[Pipp]

ive been a diabetic for about 10 years 2 years it was uncontrolled and I must admit I had stopped taking my meds, 2 years ago I had a stroke after that my moods changed I started to think and act in odd ways I became depressed I became angry I was scared felt my life was over became more dependent on my wife never left the house alone for 18 months , in the end I met some one else who I had things in common with and gave me the attention my wife had stopped giving me, no blame on my wife she was always tired me and 2 small children I now realize this was all my fault and now im paying for it as im now alone. the question is as any one else been depressed and done things that they now look back at and think what the hell was I doing it was as if some one or something had taken control of me

That is a very brave post @kevo.
Depression is a dreadful affliction.
Can you get advice and support from armed forces association?

 

[kevo]

d

That is a very brave post @kevo.
Depression is a dreadful affliction.
Can you get advice and support from armed forces association?

ifficult here as im in germany

 

[Jaylee]

Hell yeah..!

In some ways i can associate with your post @kevo .Though i wasn't so much angry as "reclusive"...
Yep, it did involve "someone else" for an 18/24 month period who had her own issues & it spiralled into despair..

Due to the "company" i kept at that time my family & friends saw a "level headed", reasonably well controlled Diabetic lose weight, disappear for days on end only occasionally showing up for work... Their wrong assumption was "recreational drugs"..

I recommend concentrating on your physical health. There are a lot of resources on this forum to tap into.. Have a look at what other type2's are doing..
The mind.? Have a look at professional counselling. There is no shame in this. Sitting by yourself trying to work it all out can be traumatizing to your well-being in its own nature..?

Viel Glück!

 

[Pipp]

d

ifficult here as im in germany

@kevo
In answer to your original post, I have had experience of depression, in my family, and a brief bout of it myself. I don't think I did anything too devastating to relationships with loved ones, but I remember it as the worse period of my life, even though a lot of the time I was not even aware of what I was doing, or why I was doing it. I never want to go back to that, but know that depression can be conquered.

In response to your comment about being in Germany, look up SAAFA. they do provide support even in Germany and other countries. You have served in the army, and as such are entitled to their support, and our gratitude.
Also, there is much diabetes related support here on this forum.
I really hope better times are ahead for you.

 

[WilliamEE]

Whilst I am not yet pre diabetic and am going to do everything I can to prevent that, this has made me very depressed over the last few weeks. I think I may be turning a corner.

I have been off work for a couple of weeks due to the depression and contacted my manager who revealed to me that he had just been diagnosed Type 2. He is a couple of years younger then I am.

I have been taking anti depression medication and the effects seem to have kicked in. Most of my negative thoughts have started to go away and I am looking at the future in a more positive light.

The last few weeks have been very hard on my partner and my mother.

I am inspired by a lot of the posts on this site. Hopefully things will turn for the better for you.

 

[Heathenlass]

So sorry to hear your story, kevo.
I think if you speak to other's who have experienced depression, they will more or less all have a story to tell of bad choices and actions that had consequences, and many feel bewildered and confused as to how they managed to **** up so badly The thing is, when you are depressed you can't really tell that you are not thinking clearly, and it can feel as if you inhabit the body, but another entity has taken over the drivers seat with the sole intention of making you suffer

It passes. And once it's passed and you see what you have done/said , be very very kind to yourself. At the time of making those decisions or taking those actions, you truly were not yourself . This is not absolving yourself of all responsibility, just recognising that you are human, and humans are fallible, especially when ill or stressed . I feel that we judge ourselves and punish ourselves far more harshly than we ever would another, and the things we say to ourselves in our minds we wouldn't dream about saying to another person.

Other people's reactions to how we behave when depressed can vary, some can forgive through understanding, other's can't , but the important thing is to forgive yourself. Recognising you made mistakes, acknowledging them, apologising where possible and if impossible, apologise anyway. It's the intent and genuineness that matter. Talk to others. If you have no-one to talk to , or feel that you can't write it all down, then burn or bury the paper. Talk to a stone about how you feel, then bury the stone deep. Know that every cell in your body replaces itself ,and as it does so, you are no longer the person you have been, but renewed and open to all new possibilities.

And now I'll shut the **** up before someone presses the "Hippy Alert " button But you are not the only one, not by a long shot.

Signy

 

[kevo]

Thank you all for your support


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[kevo]

Maybe i will look at talking to my dr just dont fancy taking more pills im on about 6 now cant believe how Diabetes as effected me and of course after the stroke and losing my left field of vision the depression spiraled out of control plus the sexual issue problems its caused as realy made made me feel suicidal and spending 24 /7 almost every day alone here in this house is taking its toll not eating properly not getting to sleep till about 5 just cant understand how i could of acted as i did and throw my life away i must have been mad and now im making myself pay for what ive done by punishing myself


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