diabetes is draining me

hi

I am a Type 1 diabetic for 18 years now ... I am 35 years old and I am really struggling to get my sugar under control ... I'm feeling depressed and sometimes I wish I could just die.
I have x2 kids - 3yr old & 6yr old and after my pregnancies my diabetes just went down hill.
In the past 4 months I have gotten "acute respiratory infection" including the cold & flu about 6 times already and I have been on antibiotics but nothing is working.
the doctor did blood tests to check for any bacteria or viruses and my blood is clean.

anyway I am struggling to get myself out of this rut that I am in ... emotionally I feel really down and very sad and depressed.
it affects my behavior towards my kids and husband. it worries me a lot because I feel like no one understands what I am going through and I am fighting this illness all on my own.

my family tries to support me but I push them away and tell myself every morning that today I am going to change things and exercise/ eat healthy etc but then that never happens ... the stresses in my life just seem to keep coming every day.

I know if your sugar is not controlled it does affect your brain and emotions.
I am no doctor but all this sugar in your blood must be causing damage to your cells and nervous system etc.

I work for a logistics company wrt exporting of citrus fruit and it is very stressful at times ... I feel like I am letting myself down by working in this industry and I am letting down my kids.

can anyone out there relate to what I am feeling?

I need positive feedback ....

thanks
Dhevena

Juicyj said:

Hello Dhevena, I feel for you.. managing work, children and your type 1 is like juggling balls and trying to keep them all up in the air at the same time, no wonder your feeling like this. It also sounds like you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure from how you are feeling about your t1 too.

Have you tried getting any suppport for your t1 from your nurse/consultant ? Perhaps getting more support may help you take a fresh approach to your management.

You certainly aren’t alone I am a Mum to one and work full time and can honestly say it gets on top of me too at times, before Xmas particularly, I try to exercise 2-3 times a week which helps me cope, it also helps me manage my bg levels better too so the benefits are good.

Try to remember your not alone, give your nurse a call today and explain how you are feeling also try and talk to those closest to you, your not super human and they should understand and help support you.

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hi there

thank you so much for your advise ... it's nice to know I am not alone in this.
I don't have a nurse to talk to ... I just have my doctor but he not always available.
I was thinking of maybe seeing a therapist.
I'm from South Africa and I have checked for diabetic sessions or groups in the city that I live in and I couldn't find anything.

I really need to talk about what I am feeling because I am under stress every day and most of the time I keep it to myself and then I take it out on my family and they don't understand why I am so sad or upset.

at the beginning of 2017 I was doing great ... I was exercising / eating correctly / taking my vitamins and keeping my sugar under control.
then all of a sudden my emotions started to change and my sugar was rising and dropping ... my doctor helped to adjust my dosages of insulin etc but then it became too expensive to see him and I couldn't afford my vitamins and I couldn't afford to buy the correct foods etc ...
my job really stresses me out and my husband just don't understand what I am feeling and going through ... he and I don't talk anymore unless its about the kids ... everything is just fake and that stresses me out as well.
it's like I am trapped in this stress ball and can't get out ... every way I try to get it just gets worse.

I have spoken briefly to my family about the stress at work and about my sugar not been controlled ... they try their best to help me.

all I want to do is just close my eyes and rest for a few hours or for a day and I can't even get that.

Juicyj said:

Hey @Dhevena No you are definitely not alone, I know exactly how you feel. Just please don't beat yourself up over your control though, you were doing great and you can do it again, but rather than taking on a mountain of a challenge to get back to this how about just taking some smaller steps, find a yoga class or meditation class - somewhere where you can relax and take time out for yourself. Are there any t1 groups/facebook pages near where you live so somewhere you can meet others ? If you can start to unravel the stress you are feeling then your control will get easier too, stress as i'm sure you are aware pushes your BG levels up.

One thing that really gives me comfort when I struggle is to remind myself that it's not a constant and each day it can change and get better.

Please PM if you just need to off load too, happy to chat

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hi

I will check on FB and for any groups ... maybe I should start my own group because I don't think there is one in my city.

you are right I need to start with smaller steps first I need to get control of my stress first before anything else.

thanks a lot ... have a lovely day
Dhevena

Daibell said:

Hi and welcome. Hopefully you will find most of the information and online support for your diabetes that you need on these forums. Can I assume you are one the Basal/Bolus insulin regime and carb-count the Bolus; also that you believe the Basal is reasonably balanced etc? Do you have a low-carb diet? As I'm sure you are aware any illness can make blood sugar go up and there is no easy solution other than increasing the insulin for a while. It must be depressing if the infections keep recurring. Let us know what aspects get you down the most.

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hi

I am on Novorapid/Lantus ... yes I am always adjusting my insulin dosages according to what I eat and drink... I think my immune system is down that's why I am getting sick all the time ... I am starting to take my vitamins and watch my sugar closely ... one day at a time.

Davidd1953 said:

G’day from the Commonwealth Country of Australia to @Dhevena. You sound like a carbon copy of Myself. I am a Christian which makes things worse for me. There is one thing that you said that really struck me and that was the fact that this sugar issue really affects your mind and your Emotions to a degree that really boggles me and scares me. But my finger tips are raw from all of this needle sticking and I was a Type Two and now this Endocrinologist called me to tell one that I am now a Type One. You are married as myself and I have 3 Children and four grandchildren. My wife works, but Cancer has cut me down and my immune system is not as strong and I have to get injections every month keep my immune system from crashing. But I am going to do something about all of this. I can not nor will I let this get the best of me. @Dhevena I give you up to God because you and I were born to For a divine purpose. God Bless you my Friend. I really mean that!!!!! Please keep in touch with me. Amen. BTW. Insulin is my biggest issue. Sometimes it is Alot like 21 Units of Novorapid or 5 Units. 500 to 800 Calories a day. This is how Eat. G’day Love.
samuel.danner@yahoo.com

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hi
thanks for your response ... I am always going through up and down periods in my life and my husband just doesn't understand what I am going through or what I am feeling ... I want to educate spouses and family members on diabetes and how a Diabetic feels ... God gave us this illness for a reason and it's something we can control but our lives/ work etc play a big part and that this something we have to get under control ...
i take a lot of vitamins ... VIT E 1000iu, MAXI B, KELP, VITAMIN C 1000mg ... all of this helps your immune system.
when i stopped taking my vitamins last year then i started to get sick every month with chest infections.
now my medical aid is up again i am able to get all my vitamins ... you must take something to clean your blood and the vitamin E does that ... it will help your kidney's and liver as well.
if i get any cuts or blisters etc i use Miracle Comfrey ointment ... i have used this for 17 years and i use it like a lotion ... every day i rub it on my legs and between my toes, my arms and tummy area where i inject and this ointment helps me a lot.
i take 10units Novorapid but depends on what i eat every day sometimes i decrease to 8 units and if i am going to drink something or eat something sweet then i increase it to 12 units ...
we need to stay positive and not let this illness get the better of us ... we are strong people and can fight this illness together.
it's great that we can chat like this ... it helps a lot that someone out there also knows what you feeling.
take care and keep in touch