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Diabetics and relationships

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by Petra4.4, Jun 10, 2020.

  1. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    Hello I am pretty new here but already seeking advice. How do diabetics find healthy relationships? Cause I am diabetic since the age of 3 and I don't kboe how to connect I am always worried what will they think if I told them that I have diabetes and 3 other autoimmune diseases. I can't brinf myself to see past my diagnosis. So the quenstion wich I am asking how do you tell someone whom you would like to date about your health problems? Also I am quite shy because of it.
     
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  2. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hi @Petra4.4 ,

    Welcome to the forum.

    Tricky question as we are individual & so would be the date?

    Having said that, before meeting my wife & both thinking "this is the one."
    The diabetes has never been the first thing that comes up in conversation at the beginning of prevous relationships? Though I am personally mindful of it. It's never been about "who I am." More what I happen to have..?"

    In my personal experience it's never been an issue.

    Just ask the person out. But be safe, always tell a friend or family member where you are going..
    & have fun.
     
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  3. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    Hi, thanks
    But i often feel like I don't deserve a relationship because of it... Don't know why I am so afraid to put myself out there. Also so happy for you and your wife .
     
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  4. sleepster

    sleepster Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @Petra4.4, I don't remember how I told my (now) husband about my diabetes when our relationship started as it was a long time ago now. I think if you are worried about scaring people off it's probably best to not make a big deal of your health issues. Whilst I consider my diabetes and other health problems to be a big part of who I am, it's not all that I am. So whilst it's important that people know, you shouldn't feel that you have to make a disclaimer to anyone. Alternatively you could just find yourself another diabetic person to date :D
     
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  5. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    Yeah... Still got issues with acknowledging of that my health problems aren't everything... Since I was like 12 till my late teens I always has feeling that i didn't belong in class, team or any group. Just for being little bit different. And yeah it would be so much easier to find other diabetic but in my country (Slovakia) we don't have many events or even forums like this one (still amazed something like this actually exist) so it's kind of harder to find someone.
     
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  6. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Petra,

    In my experience i have encounteed non-D people out there with similar feelings?
    Focus on your positives & someone will see that as an inspiration & wish to share time with you.. :)
     
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  7. sleepster

    sleepster Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I've always felt like I don't fit in for one reason or another, so I can understand that. I'm 32 now and it's taken most of my life to be happy with who I am. I feel very lucky to have met my husband otherwise I think I'd be single for life :bag:
     
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  8. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    :D I am always joking that I will end ul with five cats. But I will atleast try to think more positive and be open minded.
     
  9. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    I remember exactly how I told my wife 25 years ago?
    I was unexpectedly invited to stay the night but I didn't have my basal..
    So, I gave a dumb excuse that I needed my tooth brush. I fired off home to pick it up. (Which was about 10/15 minutes drive away.)
    I basically returned, knocked on her door fronting it like "James Bond" & trying to remember where we left off. waving my basal pen. Uttering the word "Glargine" as my wife (then girlfriend.) opened the door.
    There was a look of shock horror on her face like it was some sort of weird "enhancement experience drug?"

    I hastily corrected in laymans terms, "insulin, I'm Diabetic."

    .. & the rest is history. :)
     
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  10. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    You could made movie from this story :D It it really cute ( my mind was was like Awwwwww xD) Beautiful love story truly. But i can relate to the james bond maneuvers in hiding my meter or pump... Sometimes I even surprise myself with my abilities.
     
  11. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    I've always been good at hiding the D stuff myself. I'm not the only one.
    I was in a band for nearly 2 years when suddenly at a rehearsal the bass player appearing confused then randomly fiddling with the tone on his rig, stopped & just walked walked out the room?
    The guitarist explained he was diabetic & felt Ill.. Ah, It was a hypo.
    I gave the guy a chance to come back up & reintroduced myself.. "Nice to finally meet you!"

    He's not the only T1 bass player I've been in a band with..

    Take heart. You may not need to cohabit with cats..
    Find a good friend first that for some reason just can't stop thinking about you..
     
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  12. Petra4.4

    Petra4.4 · Member

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    Wow that some proper skills... Yeah "low brain" is always fun to experience. Also about the cats I already have one so you never know :D but i will definetly try to find thay kind of friend :D You made my day thanks :)
     
  13. Mrs_Sycamore

    Mrs_Sycamore · Newbie

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    Hi Petra, just wanted to say that it breaks my heart to think of you feeling like that. My husband is T1, and although I knew that when we first got together, he would still feel embarrassed and try to hide things for a long time. He is much more confident now and has no worries in that respect. You will probably get asked lots of annoying questions though (I'm sure I was annoying to my husband at the time, with my lack of knowledge!) I even remember trying to give him ham for a hypo the first time he needed my help!! I didn't have a clue and there wasn't much choice in the fridge Anyway, I really hope you can find someone who can love and support you
     
  14. Antje77

    Antje77 LADA · Moderator
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    Hi @Petra4.4 ,
    My first real boyfriend happened to have T1 (over 2 decades before my own diagnosis), it was the first time I had anything to do with diabetes and it wasn't an issue at all. I just got to know him, diabetes and all, and fell in love.

    I was busking at an Amsterdam underground station (I did a real cool version of Bob Dylan's 'Isis') in 1995 at 17 years old. He mouthed the words of the song along. Thankfully he didn't leave before all the verses were done, as I wanted to talk to him.

    (Interlude: While singing all those verses of 'Isis' the words of this song kept going through my head:)

    We got talking, I promised to visit him the next day with a cassette tape of a bootlegged concert I had managed to lay my hands on (I feel so ridiculously old now!). I did and never left until almost 3 years later!

    Whatever problems we had (quite a lot), diabetes wasn't one of them. Him being on mixed insulin as was usual at the time meant we ate our meals at the same time every day, and sometimes we needed to sit down because he needed to treat a hypo. No big deal. He was a bit annoyed by me wanting to know everything about diabetes but not enough to cause a problem.

    I don't even remember him telling me he had diabetes. I suppose he just took out his pen to inject when it was time to do so, eliciting some interested questions before going back to Bob Dylan :)
    We've kept in touch for a couple of years after breaking up and he had his share of girlfriends during that time, diabetes never being an issue even worth mentioning.
    It's just part of someones life, like a mother with annoying habits, a car that always has a flat battery or a baby brother you need to babysit every thursday.

    Oh, and we had cats too, so you can have all three without problem: Relationship, cats and diabetes! They combine very well!
     
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  15. Fearless36

    Fearless36 · Well-Known Member

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    Like you, I struggle with telling others. I used to wear a bracelet, but found that often when people asked me about it - they withdrew from me as though I had the plague, so I stopped wearing it. I have told people I work with (luckily for me as I have had a few hypos and they have rescued me). I do want to meet new people and have a relationship so its something I am struggling with too and whilst most of it is in my mind, its just he actual act of doing it. Whilst I agree with the advice given so far, I can also understand for some it may be something that puts them off too.
     
  16. Lins4321

    Lins4321 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi @Petra4.4,

    I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry. After I got diagnosed as T1d I broke up with my boyfriend at the time (due to other reasons) and had to start from scratch. I can't say there was much of a difference with going on dates or meeting people after my diagnosis (not that I'm the biggest expert!). But when I met someone I generally wouldn't bring up my diabetes until I needed to test (or if the conversation miraculously went that way), then I'd just wap out my kit and go about explaining it as I tested. Some people would ask questions, some wouldn't and it was never a big deal.

    When I met my now fiance I did it all, tested, injected, forgot my basal, went terribly low on our third date and it was never an issue, he's still here and diabetes is just a part of our life.

    Always remember that diabetes doesn't define you as a person, it's just one part of you.
     
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