Difficulties with this

[Propertyoflife]

Hi all,

I feel ridiculous about this whole situation but don't know where else to turn, not really looking for any 'answers' as such, just 'venting' i guess...

I have been diabetic for about 3 years ( I think) and I am seriously seriously struggling. I was diagnosed with depression in December and am now on anti depressants, which I don't feel have helped.

For the last 6 - 8 months I just haven't been taking my insulin. Well, I have been taking it maybe 3 times a week at most and therefore am getting all the symptoms I had before I was diagnosed.

I know it's important for me to take it, but I just don't. And I have no idea why.

I can't explain it which is causing serious problems with my family as they don't understand why and I can't help them at all because I dont know myself. It's really getting me down and I just don't know what to do.

I spoke to my consultant who said it may be linked to the depression but even when the prescribed pills were working, I didnt take it.

Is this normal? and what can I tell my mum? I don't want to continually fall out with her because I genuinely don't know why this is happening.

Thanks

 

[pianoman]

I wish I had all the answers but you do have my support and a couple of suggestions: maybe you are in a vicious cycle... you feel bad, so you don't look after yourself, so you feel bad, so... try doing something positive for yourself, ANYTHING... just baby steps can help lift a person out of a rut.

Did you try talking to your Mum about this? Just be honest and tell her what you are going through. Yeah I know parents can seem picky or judgmental at times but that is usually because we care and don't want our sons and daughters to get hurt -- no matter how old you are, she is always going to be your Mum. Sharing can help to ease the burden and don't ever underestimate the power of an hug every now and then...

Take good care of yourself but don't ever be afraid or too proud to ask for help

 

[Snodger]

Most of us t1s at some point or another go through something like this, I think. Not everyone stops taking insulin, it manifests in different ways, but I think most people do have a crisis of some kind where they just can't handle things for a bit. Whether it's 'depression' or just a totally natural reaction to having this disease, I don't know.
pianoman's advice is good. I also wonder whether it's worth just sitting down and writing down the things you feel/what goes through your head when you consider taking insulin. Eg when I went through my worst times, I felt like someone had dumped diabetes on me and every injection was a symbol of me just rolling over and taking it - so I didn't want to inject. And I felt like diabetes was a little evil person hanging on to my back and I couldn't get it off. You may have totally different reasons and may see it totally differently. But it might help to try and capture those feelings even if they seem odd/stupid. Writing down what comes into your head might be a first step to working out what exactly is stopping you from injecting.

you have my support too... if it helps at all, lots of us have been there and come through it, you will too.

 

[Pneu]

As others have said a lot of us go through this stage of denial or anger or depression... I went through something very similar in my late teens / early twenties where I all but stopped taking my insulin didn't look after myself at all and basically ignored I was diabetic... I knew this was wrong but like you I was depressed and I didn't care..

For me the recognition their was a problem was a long stay in hospital where I was very close to not pulling through.. this kick-started me into managing my diabetes..

The good news is you aren't their yet and you have recognised that you have a problem, that believe it or not I think is positive! you have taken that first small step of saying 'hey this is wrong I need to change it'...

If you feel like you can talk to your parents then do so... if you don't make an appointment with your GP or Diabetic team and discuss it with them... they should be able to help you to develop a strategy to manage your diabetes..

Personally I have no middle ground! I have found I am 110% OTT management OCD stylie or nothing at all.. this works for me and gives me good control... You need to find what works for you..

Something's that I done were:

* I started to test... by testing more regularly this helped to reinforce that I had a problem.. it also helped to show that I could manage it

* From testing I developed a plan and started to inject and bring my sugars under control... I found that a lot of my poor mental state was caused by high sugars... once they came under control it was much easier to manage.

It can be a very lonely existance being diabetic on your own... I think a lot of us have experienced this and I am sure that on this forum we will all do our best to provide you with support... but you need to make the changes you need to want this.. but trust me once you start to make the changes you will start to feel better you will notice the difference it does get better!

 

[donnellysdogs]

Hi

Yep, I can join the club too...another person who has had some ups and downs of living with diabetes and also depression too.

First off, you say in your first note that you feel the anti depresants haven't helped....is that with your mood and feelings in general or just with managing your diabetes???? If you aren't actually feeling better about life in general then I would suggest talking to GP again and trying a different antideperssant-and also possibly consider getting some other help......I have had the most superb counsellor, courses on stress management-(which makes you realise that : your thoughts, make you take certain actions and this can affect your body as well...and it can end up being a constant of going around in a circle of these feelings etc)...I would recommend from my experience asking to try a different tablet and also consider asking for other help too...

Regarding talking to your mum and what can you say?-Just ask her to sit down and that you have something that you would like to talk about....and then tell her just how you are physically and mentally....
Mum's want to help their children..and it doesn't matter what age you are..they are always your Mum....if she fully realises how you are feeling physically and mentally then I believe that you will find her supporting you....however, you will may have to accept that she may show some 'irritation' that you have not told her before, that you have given up on a temproray basis of caring etc.....criticism from anybody is hard to take...and parents aren't always that brilliant at giving it constructively......

You will get enormous help from people here..it may take time to talk to your mum, but in the meantime we are all here for you. Many of us have had ups and downs and depression etc and the support here is brilliant, and will help you through....there are also many youngsters (I'm old being in my 40's)-and probably feel like your Mum!!!- So I do hope that you will keep in touch....

 

[imalittlefishy]

I'm yet another one who can empathise with this! I spent most of 2010 in a horribly depressed state, and caring about my diabetes, along with caring about everything else, just went out the window. I injected occasionally, my eating habits were appalling and I very nearly landed myself in DKA more than once.

For me, getting the depression sorted was key to me actually taking some control of my diabetes again - my antidepressants were increased last november and the diabetes took a little while to catch up(!) but by march time not only was I feeling much better mentally but physically too, and my HbA1c came down from 13 - 8 (still not perfect but a massive improvement!)

I agree with donnellysdogs that if the antidepressants aren't working, go back to the doctors - another kind of antidepressant or different treatment altogether may help...it took the third kind of antidepressant I tried to make any difference to me but I got there eventually!

I can also sympathise with the talking to your mum, thats something I haven't managed, either about the depression or the fallout it caused with my diabetes. Things are so much better on both counts these days though and I know you can get through this too
xx

 

[wendy_doncaster]

Firstly, I very much agree with those who have suggested going back to your GP. Anti-depressants are not a cure-all, and certainly do not work for everyone. Most people respond better to medication when it is accompanied by some kind of therapy. Most areas of the UK have IAPT (Increasing Access to Psychological Therapies) teams, which do exactly what it says on the tin! They may support you by working with you to increase you motivation to take control of you diabetes and setting small, realistic steps to work on. But these teams require referral from a GP or other specialist service (like DSN).

One way that I think I came to grips with my diabetes was to think of it as a lifestyle choice rather than a disability or illness. Don't get me wrong, when I was 13 I rebelled, I used to skip school dinner so I could buy cannabis and alcohol, I'd forget that I was diabetic until my sugars were so high that I felt really ill. But, I was lucky to never be hospitalised and came out of my phase without too many problems. I still have highs (recently 30+) and lows, forget my injections, and get fall down drunk, but these are very rare, and I tell myself I'm still young and too easily influenced by my friends. Now, my life is more about good health. As a young adult I want to be careful with my diet and take on exercise challenges (recently I ran the Derby Kilomathon (26.2km)). Getting diabetes actually helped me to become the person I am now; I see some of my friends that didn't grow out of the 'cannabis phase' (their health did not seem to pose such an immediate danger to them) and now I'm their drugs counsellor...

What I'm trying to say (but going the long way about it) is that focusing on how diabetes can be a good influence on your life rather than such a negative will help you to accept the changes that are inevitable in your life. Counselling can help with this. In the mean time, make small steps and small changes, don't put too much pressure on yourself to get it right straight away. Test once a day if you can, or inject once a day. And when it comes to your Mum, talk to her about practical things that she might be able to do to help you test/inject more regularly (without seeming like she's on your back or nagging). Be positive, you CAN succeed and regain control of you life, health and mental health.

 

[josie38]

Hi,

I completely understand cuz when I am depressed i don't take care of myself at all. I sit and eat all sorts of rubbish without insulin and it is really hard to get yourself together. Have you asked for a referral to a psychiatrist? I got one cuz i am a T1 diabetic on anti-depressants. It sounds like you need to talk to someone who will help you understand why you are like this and a maybe get a change of medication if these tablets are not working. There are options and people to help but you really need to approch your gp again for a referral and get meds changed.

You can come out the other side of this but you should seek more help.

keep updates coming so we can see how you are doing.......The fact you have posted here is a big first step!!!