Pura Vida
Well-Known Member
Phyllis Dillerisms...
Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry
a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids
are still growing up is like shoveling
the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is
because 11 of them would never wear
the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odours:
Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made
the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times
to run away from home.
This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab
without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out.
I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties
is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing
was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
Old age is when the liver spots
show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice -
they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow
the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?'
He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep
your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have
discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
