Hi Eric
Yes you are right the honest are always penalised!!!
Now regarding you query about incapacity benefit, in theory maybe, but yeah here's the dreaded but again, you will need a full benefit check to make sure you wont be loosing out if you do this due to the different rates of incapacity benefit, also they are now clamping down on incapacity benefit and instead of filling in what was called the all work test questionaire, you now have to attend a capability medical assessment with a medically qualified person. (I presume this will be no probs for yourself though)
Yes your wife can become the carer for your son, which will stand in better stead for you as i have known the DWP to question how a person can be a full time carer if they are on incapacity benefit. Go and get a full benefit check with the CAB ASAP
Regarding the direct payments, this comes from an assessment from social services regarding personal care needs. Now before you start to pull faces!!! it is not as daunting as it seems, it does take a bit to set up but if you qualify and once its up and running its good.
Basically you have an assessment of need and a care package is set up detailing how much support you need throughout the week. For eg, the social services where i work donot provide cleaning services, but if you have a disability or illness where this is a prob then you can use the direct payments to provide this.
They are a cash payment for those in need of services, a sort of payment in lieu of services, you have to be over 16yrs and can be paid to people with parental responsibility for disabled children, and to carers aged 16 or over in respect of carer services they provide. It is to provide more flexability to the individual for services for either short term or long term care needs.
Under the NHS & Community Care Act 1990 (sec 47) everyone has a right to an assessment of needs and its from this that if you have needs that can be met direct payment can be offered.
I would definately enqure at your local social services dept to see if this can be of assistance for yourself especially for when you have your operation as if it takes up to a year to recover there may be some aspects of care you can have to support you through this time.
People shy away from direct payments as you have to effectively become an employer as you employ the staff to support your needs and there is some paperwork involved, ie time sheets etc and you need a seperate bank account so they can put the money in for you, but you are taken through this step by step it is not as daunting as it sounds.
Juliexx
anything else giv us a shout