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Doctor-Speak

Grateful

Well-Known Member
Messages
1,399
Location
Kent, United Kingdom
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
I had to laugh when I read about someone (I think it was @Chook) being labeled as "Non Compliant" by the DN.

Or when @Robbieswan's hypo-related trip to hospital was described as "Most Inconvenient" by the dietician. (Outrageous of course, but it had its funny side too.)

When my wife, and mother of our two children, saw that the GP described my private parts as "Unremarkable" she begged to differ.

Of course these valiant medical professionals are doing the best they can, and these set-phrases are what they are taught to use. Often they just come out of a pre-filled computer form.

That doesn't stop them being funny!
 
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I had a serious adverse reaction to an antibiotic that led to me being hospitalised and a yellow card report being done on the drug (Cipro)
When i saw my medical notes, I was a tad offended to see that they said that my bloods were “seriously deranged” - I knew what they meant but ......
 
I have been told on multiple occasions that I have "great veins".
I think they are easy to find and they give up blood without any problems. Shame I can't offer that blood as a blood donor but at least my tests are straightforward.
 
A friend of mine had several nasty passing out episodes. The last one lasted over 30 mins and her daughter who was with her thought that she was going to die. They had been having lunch together. In my friends notes the hospital wrote 'passed out in pub' which is true but...............
 
After I passed a kidney stone earlier this year the specialist doctor recommended that I drink lots of water. In the notes afterwards he wrote:

"I recommended continued fluid gluttony."

I love it when doctors encourage debauchery!
 
Boo1979 said:
yellow card report being done on the drug (Cipro)
Click to expand...

Thought it might be worth mentioning that these can be done by the private individual. It also makes interesting reading when you look at what others have said about the particular drug one is logging.
 
MRI of my head concluded that my brain was "unremarkable"

(The GP who sent me for it thought it looked quite good however. She usually sends people who have serious problems and therefore have weird looking brains, and so my "unremarkable" brain looked vastly superior in comparison!)
 
From the written records of a sports doctor I consulted for groin pain: "Well-appearing male in no apparent distress, he follows all commands and answers all questions appropriately."

Not exactly funny until you plug in the antonyms if I had failed the test: "Ugly male in great pain, disobeys all commands and answers all questions inappropriately."

I remember one time during a physiotherapy session I was asked if I would like to do something (a new exercise that was their latest piece of controlled torture). It was one of those days when they were teaching students, so I was being treated by trainees. I was feeling bloody-minded so I just said "no" and the look on their faces was quite panicky -- they obviously had not (yet) been trained for this. Then I laughed and said it was a joke!
 

My dad also has unremarkable lungs.
Wanting to think maybe some have attractive or intelligent lungs
 
With "unremarkable" brains, lungs and reproductive organs, it is "remarkable" that people manage to have an original thought, inhale a breath of air, or pass on their genes!
 
They don't always need words to raise a smile. Many years ago I took my then small daughter to the surgery, with what we thought was mumps. The nurse invited us into a room, and sat my little girl on her knee to examine her and was just saying she was pretty sure it was mumps, but would get the doctor to check. At that point he walked into the room. Without a spoken word, she looked at the doctor, and inclined her head towards the child. He paused long enough to look, then nodded to the nurse and carried on through. Quietest diagnosis I ever saw!
 
Grateful said:
With "unremarkable" brains, lungs and reproductive organs, it is "remarkable" that people manage to have an original thought, inhale a breath of air, or pass on their genes!
Click to expand...

Yes @Grateful , I concur with the above, they're called ...............politicians
 
Grateful said:
Physician: “This will feel like a pinch.”
Translation: “This will feel like I’m shooting you with a small-caliber handgun in slow motion.”
Click to expand...
Yes. When did having a needle stuck in you ever feel like ' a light scratch'?
 
Mind you if they say "this really going to bloody hurt" would they even ever catch you, when some one attempted to take a blood sample from my grandson the first time all I remember is a blur as he passed me on the way out.
 
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