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Educating family & friends

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SarahEN

Well-Known Member
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So having been recently diagnosed as T2 diabetic & avoiding carbs like the plague I am seriously frustrated with friends & family - or more specifically my MIL

She's a normally kind & lovely woman who seems to have turned into the evil devil on my shoulder. Going to the supermarket with her is like running a carb gauntlet where I have to constantly remind her that I don't eat certain foods whilst she literally shoves crumpets & bread in my face.

My particular favourite comments so far include 'I don't understand why you can't eat pineapple - its so lovely & sweet' (like REALLY????) & "can't you take the weekend off' (because everyone know you're only diabetic Monday to Friday right??) Swiftly followed by ' you can't eat butter when you're dieting' (because fat = bad to her indoctrinated brain)

And just when i thought I could cope with her I get accused of being 'high maintenance' cos i won't eat bread anymore. If she thinks this is high maintenance what does she think i'll be without my feet or eyesight fgs?

All not helped by the fact my father in law continued to eat lardy cake & pasties after T2 diagnosis so she doesn't understand why I take it so seriously.

Rant over! But if anyone has any ideas on how to deal with this level of noddy please share!
 
The only thing I can think of, probably involves going 'on the run' afterwards
 
Funny, but not funny.
 
I had the opposite experience a couple of years ago.
Our extended family always go to my brother's house at Christmas, he has a big house and is very generous. The year I was diagnosed they suddenly remembered when I arrived that I was diabetic and were horrified that they hadn't cooked me a special meal. I explained I would have the same dinner as everyone else just avoid the carby stuff to much relief all round. I got a double helping of the very expensive roast beef so I was happy.
 
On the simplest level - don't go to the supermarket with her. Just point out that as you can't walk around and buy the things you need without argument, it is the best option. Back it up with reports of your progress and just repeat that it is sugar and starch which is the problem and you are so glad that you are avoiding them - make it a simple message and repeat it as often as necessary to - hopefully - get through to her.
 
I have the same issue with all my female elderly rellies - lovely women, but just can't cope with the LCHF thing, and give me a hard time to varying degrees, always, about it. Worst is my stepmother. (I must say - calling a type two treating with diet - what we are supposed to do after all - 'high maintenance' is a new low! Poor you!)

Folks can get mighty emotional when you suggest that some, even many have a very bad reaction to bread and grains. And the bad fats versus good fats argument (ie butter being better than margarine) - can't cope with that either. Old dogs and new tricks?

When my stepmother goes too far, as she does from time to time, I have somewhere very pressing to go, and just get out of being around her. And I do keep trying to impress upon her how asking me to provide bread and cake is just plain cruel. But absolutely - avoid any food buying with your MIL! Life is hard enough without you having to endure that? (Get your husband to do that stuff? Is that appropriate? it's his mother after all!)
 
Is there a particular reason why you have to go to the supermarket with her? Because the obvious and simplest solution (as has already been suggested) is simply - DON'T!

Robbity
 
I actually wrote a leaflet for my family/in-laws, because they really didn't get it and thought I was anorexic. Or that stuff sweetened with dates and honey'd be okay. Now I can't get them to stop buying me walnuts! Only took three years of saying "I can't eat that, it's poison to me". Seriously... If you can avoid going to the supermarket together, do it. Because this is stressful, and you don't need that right now. or ever, really. You could always say you're younger than your father in law, so going low carb, for you, is still worth the trouble.

Edited to add; If she can be offensive, then so can you!
 
SarahEN said:
Rant over!
Click to expand...
It was a good rant though, made me smile.
I'm telling people gradually because I sort of guessed it might cause some unexpected responses. I have a judgemental overbearing work colleague (not my fav person) who "told" me I had to go on the Newcastle diet, it would "cure" my diabetes and if I didn't do it I was a failure and it was all my own fault. Good times

Your MIL is tricky, a lot of people think that caring involves policing your food choices (if I'm honest when I say people I mean mostly mothers). Her response doesn't sound terribly helpful (or caring) to me. It could be coming from lack of understanding, in which case eventually she might get it. She may have some "resistance" to the change in thinking, people can be very strange about food and eating-it's sort of public/shared and boundaries can get blurry. I'm thinking in particular about the "high maintenance/weekend off" comments as if, in some way, your choices are negatively impacting her (and/or others). Also the pineapple comment is just downright trolling if you ask me........

If she does change her thinking she will have to address this:
SarahEN said:
All not helped by the fact my father in law continued to eat lardy cake & pasties after T2 diagnosis so she doesn't understand why I take it so seriously.
Click to expand...

That isn't going to be easy!

Good luck and keep ranting as required.
CoP
 
SarahEN said:
Going to the supermarket with her is like running a carb gauntlet where I have to constantly remind her that I don't eat certain foods whilst she literally shoves crumpets & bread in my face.
Click to expand...

She thinks that she is being helpful and keeping you healthy. Oh Dear.

How about shopping on-line in future, and telling her you no longer go food shopping, only clothes shopping.

Failing that - Tell her that you have already left for Thailand.
 
Is going to the super market a regular activity?

It seems to come across, at least to me that it is a bit of a social expected thing? If not, it seems like a good idea to not go with her, but I'm sure she will notice that at some point and that will become an issue also?

Tough position to be, but you have stick to your guns and do what is right for you and your health.
 
How about watching her face as you fill a basket just for yourself with butter, cream, cheese and the highest fat meat you can find?
Huge hugs as my MIL still tries to make me drink fruit juice every time we visit, not understanding that I would only consider it a hypo treatment.
 
I tackled all of this differently. OK, I was overseas, and away from close family (OH excepted!), for the first 6 or 7 months of my diagnosis, however my approach was never to use the diabetes word. Giving things a label offers up something against which others can form their judgements, and not always accurately. I've advoided the word prejudices, but that's pretty much what I mean.

I told people I had changed my way of eating because I had had some routine blood tests done (true - I was asymptomatic), which showed me that some things in my diet weren't doing me any favours, and that those things were, in brief, baked goods, pasta, rice, spuds and sugar, so I was giving them a wide berth for the time being. I also added I'd be monitoring it with further tests from time to time.

Most folks looked at me as if to say "poor you", but that was usually about the extent of it. When offered things, like biccies or cakes, I'd just decline (saying my previuos meal was keeping me full - true). Thankfully, I'd never, ever, been a snacker so it was easy in that regard, all round.

I don't need people's ill-informed judgements in my life, so I have simply never invited them in.

Over time, if people asked, I'd just say the concerning blood results had improved significantly, as a result of what I'd done, so I'd be sticking with it for the foreseeable future. Over time, people just accept I don't touch these things, and just don't bother asking about it any more.

Those folks will still offer me bread, cakes etc, but I just decline. That's up to me. I don't expect them to remember the nuances of the way I eat. Why put that burden upon them?

Of course, that's just me. We all have to find our own ways of tackling these things.
 
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Hi @SarahEN ,

I would tend to agree with the other comments. Take food shopping out of the equation with your MIL.
There are other pursuits like garden centres.. (Just avoid any with a cafe..)

I'm wondering if your MIL feels your diet & associated food choices (due to your T2.) would have an inpact on her son? (Not sure if you have any kids.) Hence her concern regarding & tapping into the wide misconception as to what is "healthy" sugars for a diabetic?

Oddly enough I was having a conversation with a friend a while back regarding another mutual friend diagnosed T2 a couple of years ago..They both met for a night out (& I asked how he was.) he couldn't get his head round this guy eating the contents of a kebab but not the bread. Lol, "surely that's unhealthy with all the fat?"

Sounds like he's low carbing... Then I went on to explain to my friend.... It was at least an hour's car drive. He had nowhere else to go...

Best of luck with your MIL.
 
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