I don't personally see empathy as merging with another person and/or their feelings, rather an understanding that they feel this way even though I don't. It can be even more upsetting for some people in certain circumstances to hear "I know how you feel" when of course they probably don't. However, allowing them to feel they are heard is good.
Others may see empathy as something else. That's the value of discussion, to share others' opinions and experiences.