Encouraging overweight teenager

[debs248]

My daughter, not yet diabetic but very likely has PCOS and insulin resistance, has put on a lot of weight (at least 7kg, probably more) since going to uni and having to make all her own food choices.

I want to strike a balance between encouragement and good advice without lecturing, but it's a minefield and I can't advise her much about apps etc.

She's taken my advice to record a food and mood diary for a couple of weeks before making big changes, starting today.

Does anyone have any websites or other resources to recommend, either for me or her? She's surprisingly ignorant about basic nutrition considering she did Biology GCSE so it needs to be quite clear and simple.

Just to add, it was her idea to try to lose weight now, she wants to "look better". Not fitting into her favourite summer dress seems to have been the wakeup call.

 

[Pipp]

If your daughter has symptoms of PCOS she needs to be checked by a doctor. There are treatments that will help.

It can be a difficult time when our offspring leave for university. Both for them, and for we parents. We have to let them be independent, but can’t just stop being parents. Your mention of food and mood diary suggests concerns about emotional wellbeing? She, perhaps, needs to seek advice from student welfare? Sorry if that is me making an assumption, just not sure of your meaning.

Having worked in student support, I have seen the sort of difficulties some who are away from home get themselves into. (They seldom tell all to concerned parents.) Including, for example financial, relationship issues, balancing the study and social life. Very often eating decent meals is low on the agenda, and some of the meal offerings if resident on campus are rather bland, made with cheap carb based foods.

If your daughter is going to be living off campus perhaps just a simple guide to low carb meals will be a good start. Such as this from dietdoctor

A Low Carb Diet Guide for Beginners – Diet Doctor

In this top low-carb guide, we show you what to eat, what to avoid and how to avoid side effects. Get delicious low-carb recipes and meal plans.

www.dietdoctor.com

Or perhaps during summer vacation, which will start soon, get her involved in preparing simple meals at home. If she is going to be in a shared student house next semester, she could do what some enterprising students I know have done. Offer to prepare meals for her housemates, but get them to pay for all of the food. It would give her some control of her diet back .

 

[debs248]

If your daughter has symptoms of PCOS she needs to be checked by a doctor. There are treatments that will help.

I have strongly advised her as it runs in the family but she's reluctant and it's too late for me to take her to the doctor myself, she didn't really have definite symptoms until after she turned 16.

It can be a difficult time when our offspring leave for university. Both for them, and for we parents. We have to let them be independent, but can’t just stop being parents. Your mention of food and mood diary suggests concerns about emotional wellbeing? She, perhaps, needs to seek advice from student welfare? Sorry if that is me making an assumption, just not sure of your meaning.

I know she has very strong "food noise", stronger than I remember at that age. She also suffers from anxiety, has had her ADHD confirmed while at uni and is waiting for an autism assessment. The college have been excellent but she has to realise she needs help in the first place. I though recording her mood and reason for eating might be useful as I'm not there to see her behaviour day to day.

Having worked in student support, I have seen the sort of difficulties some who are away from home get themselves into. (They seldom tell all to concerned parents.) Including, for example financial, relationship issues, balancing the study and social life. Very often eating decent meals is low on the agenda, and some of the meal offerings if resident on campus are rather bland, made with cheap carb based foods.

She's self catering and of course is a big fan of bread, noodles, rice, potatoes, neglecting protein. She eats lots of fruit which is a double edged sword given the family history of insulin resistance...

If your daughter is going to be living off campus perhaps just a simple guide to low carb meals will be a good start. Such as this from dietdoctor

A Low Carb Diet Guide for Beginners – Diet Doctor

In this top low-carb guide, we show you what to eat, what to avoid and how to avoid side effects. Get delicious low-carb recipes and meal plans.

www.dietdoctor.com

I don't want to force my low carb on her, she has to decide that for herself. At the moment I'm restraining myself to comments like "you do know a 250g pack of mango is recommended as 3 portions"

Or perhaps during summer vacation, which will start soon, get her involved in preparing simple meals at home. If she is going to be in a shared student house next semester, she could do what some enterprising students I know have done. Offer to prepare meals for her housemates, but get them to pay for all of the food. It would give her some control of her diet back .

She's planning to live in halls for the whole four years, in a studio flat so not much communal cooking. There was one "pasta party" early on but it hasn't been repeated.

Unfortunately she's extremely lazy at home and just wants dad to cook everything "because his food is better". She will bake with him but obviously that's a nightmare carbfest. I did once get her to help me make a Greek salad but it was a long and exhausting process.

Thanks for all your help, I realise it could be much worse. She's a very light drinker and afaik not into any other drugs except caffeine. In fact I sometimes wish she was a bit more of a party animal!

 

[Pipp]

I don't want to force my low carb on her, she has to decide that for herself.

I do understand that.
Our offspring can be very resistant to parental advice, when they are trying to assert their independence. I also understand the additional challenges she will be facing following her ADHD and possible autism.

Your concerns about her having PCOS and insulin resistance, though…. Lowering carbs in her diet could help alleviate the symptoms. So suggesting rather than “forcing your low carb on her” might help. Would her dad be prepared to get her on board with that?

 

[debs248]

Your concerns about her having PCOS and insulin resistance, though…. Lowering carbs in her diet could help alleviate the symptoms. So suggesting rather than “forcing your low carb on her” might help. Would her dad be prepared to get her on board with that?

Tricky. He's missed her a lot and naturally wants to cook all her favourite foods. Perhaps as it's the long vacation I can persuade him to rein it in after a couple of weeks!

I've been trying to demonstrate how satisfying and straightforward eating low carb can be but sublety passes her by. That's why I'd like to point her at websites rather than her feel it's just me nagging her to eat veg again.

 

[Melgar]

I can give you my experience with ADHD and somewhat on ASD. The ADHD and the possible ASD can be challenging, especially in lifestyle and habits, but it doesn't mean she will not be successful, she will find ways to cope. The foods she eats will come down to what she prefers .

Often ADHD walks alongside ASD and can be very similar in presentation, but are different conditions. The ADHD tendency to be impulsive in choices, and the want for excitement can be a challenge, especially when in a new environment. Girls, in particular can hide and mask their struggles. I was diagnosed with the combined type of ADHD. It didn't stop me academically I excelled at Uni, both undergrad and post grad. Both conditions can mean a high degree of focus on the things one subjects you likes and enjoys.
I also have ASD traits. These present in my desire to be repetitive and ritualistic in my world. I'm hyper sensitive with my senses - noise, smell, taste, light and textures. Textures include food. I eat the same type of food every week at the same time. Once I get 'stuck' on a type of food I can eat it for weeks. I can and I do break those habits. However, even in restaurants I choose the same food. Finding healthy foods she enjoys will help her to stick with those foods.

Nobody with either condition presents the same. Both conditions are unique to the individual. I believe there are provisions and accommodations for both at university. My days at university were pre-all the provisions. We now have them. I hope your daughter makes full use of them. I didn't really answer your question, sorry, I just gave you a picture of my mindset as I have and experience those conditions in my world. Both conditions will give her a unique view of the world. Ut is both a challenge and a real gift.

 

[debs248]

Thank you for your helpful post. I have definitely
noticed that she will stick to the same food unless someone else suggests a new idea, eg she always chooses the same pizza toppings.

If she was still living at home this wouldn't be an issue as she's willing to try new things if they are presented to her. The problem is more that she shops, cooks and eats alone almost all the time at uni.

At least she shops at Lidl a lot - they change their offers weekly and list them online so we can suggest things she might want to try.

 

[debs248]

On a side note, she is studying the thing that she has most talent for - music. I listened recently to a Radio 3 programme about music and neurodiversity which said ND is more prevalent among musicians than the general population.

And I absolutely agree with you that being ND is a gift. It's just a complication that the majority of advice may not be suitable for her "out of the box" if it's written by and for the NT majority.

 

[debs248]

I'm waffling lots again, but hey, it's my thread

Today she's "discovered" that the gym is right next to the the laundry room so she can put her washing on and do half an hour in the gym. I mean, it's always been there but it took her 9 months to make the connection. Having a "lose weight" project seems to be doing good things to her brain already!

Still biting my tongue when answering questions like "which foods have protein in?", but as long as she remembers the answers, better to learn late than never!

 

[debs248]

Today I was asked "do apples have any calories?"

Still, I suppose it's a learning opportunity. Her motivation is strong, she was in the gym at 9am and didn't eat from 7pm until lunchtime. Surprised me, in a good way.

 

[Zhnyaka]

Could you recommend that she go for dancing or some other sport? After all, if she doesn't have diabetes, then it's important to just spend more calories than you eat, and dancing is fun and there are a lot of people you can make friends with, and dancing is also a great way to relieve stress. Fast carbs kick-start her brain, and she needs it to study.

 

[Melgar]

@debs248 My own view is young people find their own balance and structure as they settle in. It's the fear of the unknown which is the scary bit. Independence is very empowering, especially when the sky hasn't fallen down and they begin to find structure in their lives. My daughter is at collage in LA. It was her first year. She has coeliac disease and was getting sick from cross contamination of gluten from her house mates cooking. They all made the decision to go gluten free for her. Which was a big relief for us. They worked it out for themselves. I understand the ADHD side of her may want to find the easy way and not necessarily cook, but it's a learning experience and she will gain strength from it.
There are apps she can use if she's looking for the carb content. She can ask you too. The internet has cooking videos directed at young people with ADHD. We do have lots of ADHD resources now. I know you cannot help but worry. We worried about our daughter, but she made it through her first year , and now she's back for the summer.

 

[debs248]

Could you recommend that she go for dancing or some other sport? After all, if she doesn't have diabetes, then it's important to just spend more calories than you eat, and dancing is fun and there are a lot of people you can make friends with, and dancing is also a great way to relieve stress. Fast carbs kick-start her brain, and she needs it to study.

Yes she likes dancing but again, unless it's organised, like a ceilidh or barn dance, she won't think to do it.

She's done a session in the gym today and yesterday and some yoga in her room as I pointed out that yoga existed for hundreds of years before mats were invented so she doesn't have to wait until she comes home and "borrows" mine. She also got a mini workout walking up and down 3 flights of stairs to collect the vacuum cleaner so she could clean some floor space

Having seen her food diary this weekend, she's consuming *plenty* of fast carbs. She's also naturally gravitated towards 18:6 intermittent fasting which was unexpected, although she might just have not snacked in the evening because she'd have to log it.

 

[ElenaP]

I guess that your daughter may already know about the importance of avoiding ultra-processed (UPF) foods, and looking after her gut health? I first learned how important the gut microbiome is for optimal health from the late Dr Michael Mosley's books and podcasts. Subsequently, I built on that knowledge from Professor Tim Spector's books (he of the twin-studies).

Apparently people stay slimmer if their gut bacteria is healthy.

To feed my healthy gut microbes, I have used Dr Clare Bailey's "The Clever Guts Diet Recipe Book" for several years.
I now also have Professor Spector's book "The Food for Life Cookbook" for easy-to-follow recipes, and the science behind healthy gut bacteria.

Perhaps those books may be worth you considering, if you don't already have them.

 

[Zhnyaka]

Yes she likes dancing but again, unless it's organised, like a ceilidh or barn dance, she won't think to do it.

She's done a session in the gym today and yesterday and some yoga in her room as I pointed out that yoga existed for hundreds of years before mats were invented so she doesn't have to wait until she comes home and "borrows" mine. She also got a mini workout walking up and down 3 flights of stairs to collect the vacuum cleaner so she could clean some floor space

Having seen her food diary this weekend, she's consuming *plenty* of fast carbs. She's also naturally gravitated towards 18:6 intermittent fasting which was unexpected, although she might just have not snacked in the evening because she'd have to log it.

I didn't mean going to a club to dance, but something like an adult dance school, where the coach works with a group of people for an hour 2-3 times a week, and then they go to competitions or organize dance evenings. In general, a more fun alternative to the gym. But if she's having fun at the gym, then the gym is cool too.

I really think that student time are created for bad food, bad alcohol, hanging out until the morning, stupid love decisions, etc., because in adulthood it is already socially unacceptable and the body is no longer able to be cheerful in the morning if you were drunk all night. At this age, the metabolism is still very good.

Edited by mods to remove incorrect information

 

[debs248]

Apparently people stay slimmer if their gut bacteria is healthy.

To feed my healthy gut microbes, I have used Dr Clare Bailey's "The Clever Guts Diet Recipe Book" for several years.
I now also have Professor Spector's book "The Food for Life Cookbook" for easy-to-follow recipes, and the science behind healthy gut bacteria.

Perhaps those books may be worth you considering, if you don't already have them.

She's not going to read something like that, unfortunately. I'm trying to find shorter, snappier things that appeal to "the youth of today."

She's eating kimchi, olives and gherkins occasionally at uni, and when she's home for the summer I'll try to feed her kefir and sauerkraut too. I don't think I'll be able to persuade her to avoid artificial sweeteners as they're in pretty much everything teenagers drink now.

 

[debs248]

In general, a more fun alternative to the gym. But if she's having fun at the gym, then the gym is cool too.

She's been 3 days in a row, so I'm hopeful she'll keep it up.

I really think that student time are created for bad food, bad alcohol, hanging out until the morning, stupid love decisions, etc., because in adulthood it is already socially unacceptable and the body is no longer able to be cheerful in the morning if you were drunk all night.

Apart from the food, that sums up my student days!

Edited by mods to remove quotes that contained misinformation

 

[ElenaP]

If she is already eating the fermented foods that you mentioned, it is a good start.