explaining what it's really like to live with Type 1

[type1since82]

I'm new here and live in the USA. I've been a T1 since the age of 2, I'm 43 now. I've been on the pump since the age of 20 and got pregnant. I've lost a child at 2 months old because my husband at the time put our son in our bed before he left for work thinking I'd be up in the next hour.....I didn't wake until my mom showed up due to not bringing my kids over to watch for my college classes 7 hours later. The pump kept pumping insulin which they assumed caused my convulsions and me rolling on my baby and suffocating him . I still don't forgive myself 22 years later. My levels have always been all over the place even if I do the exact same things the next day with the exact foods. The rollercoaster of it all... sucks. I finally was able to get a libre2 sensor which helps. But when you're low or too low you just don't hear those alarms or like someone else said can't think right to do anything about it. I've got sooooo many stories. I now work as a cashier at a gas station and my customers have seen some of my lows.... I act like I'm on drugs or drunk. I can't even work my register sometimes during this and have cried in front of them but I'll explain it to my regulars when I see them next and ya know apologize for my stupid behavior because that's how I feel. I've come across a few customers with the pump also and they check on me . It's a never ending cycle of emotions as a type 1. Which of course stress effects the sugars on either direction also! I found out over the years that if you drink alcohol your blood sugars will sky rocket then crash due to the type of carb but to eat without giving a bolus before going to sleep afterwards. It's a must. Tubes of frosting are easy to carry for lows and don't require us to put the effort into chewing or swallowing because sometimes me it's the last thing I want to do and takes to much focus that I don't have! I have worked so many different types of jobs including factory work, welding, bar tending/waitressing. I have never ate on a schedule or "meals". Dang it....I lost track, sugar is dropping. If you want to talk I'm here though

 

[Antje77]

I'm new here and live in the USA. I've been a T1 since the age of 2, I'm 43 now. I've been on the pump since the age of 20 and got pregnant. I've lost a child at 2 months old because my husband at the time put our son in our bed before he left for work thinking I'd be up in the next hour.....I didn't wake until my mom showed up due to not bringing my kids over to watch for my college classes 7 hours later. The pump kept pumping insulin which they assumed caused my convulsions and me rolling on my baby and suffocating him . I still don't forgive myself 22 years later. My levels have always been all over the place even if I do the exact same things the next day with the exact foods. The rollercoaster of it all... sucks. I finally was able to get a libre2 sensor which helps. But when you're low or too low you just don't hear those alarms or like someone else said can't think right to do anything about it. I've got sooooo many stories. I now work as a cashier at a gas station and my customers have seen some of my lows.... I act like I'm on drugs or drunk. I can't even work my register sometimes during this and have cried in front of them but I'll explain it to my regulars when I see them next and ya know apologize for my stupid behavior because that's how I feel. I've come across a few customers with the pump also and they check on me . It's a never ending cycle of emotions as a type 1. Which of course stress effects the sugars on either direction also! I found out over the years that if you drink alcohol your blood sugars will sky rocket then crash due to the type of carb but to eat without giving a bolus before going to sleep afterwards. It's a must. Tubes of frosting are easy to carry for lows and don't require us to put the effort into chewing or swallowing because sometimes me it's the last thing I want to do and takes to much focus that I don't have! I have worked so many different types of jobs including factory work, welding, bar tending/waitressing. I have never ate on a schedule or "meals". Dang it....I lost track, sugar is dropping. If you want to talk I'm here though

Hi @type1since82 , welcome to the forum.
I'm so very, very sorry about what happened to you. It's the most horrible thing that can happen because of a hypo. It's not your fault at all, it's the fault of the stupid diabetes, but I can understand it's a very hard thing to have to live with.

 

[Prancy]

I'm new here and live in the USA. I've been a T1 since the age of 2, I'm 43 now. I've been on the pump since the age of 20 and got pregnant. I've lost a child at 2 months old because my husband at the time put our son in our bed before he left for work thinking I'd be up in the next hour.....I didn't wake until my mom showed up due to not bringing my kids over to watch for my college classes 7 hours later. The pump kept pumping insulin which they assumed caused my convulsions and me rolling on my baby and suffocating him . I still don't forgive myself 22 years later. My levels have always been all over the place even if I do the exact same things the next day with the exact foods. The rollercoaster of it all... sucks. I finally was able to get a libre2 sensor which helps. But when you're low or too low you just don't hear those alarms or like someone else said can't think right to do anything about it. I've got sooooo many stories. I now work as a cashier at a gas station and my customers have seen some of my lows.... I act like I'm on drugs or drunk. I can't even work my register sometimes during this and have cried in front of them but I'll explain it to my regulars when I see them next and ya know apologize for my stupid behavior because that's how I feel. I've come across a few customers with the pump also and they check on me . It's a never ending cycle of emotions as a type 1. Which of course stress effects the sugars on either direction also! I found out over the years that if you drink alcohol your blood sugars will sky rocket then crash due to the type of carb but to eat without giving a bolus before going to sleep afterwards. It's a must. Tubes of frosting are easy to carry for lows and don't require us to put the effort into chewing or swallowing because sometimes me it's the last thing I want to do and takes to much focus that I don't have! I have worked so many different types of jobs including factory work, welding, bar tending/waitressing. I have never ate on a schedule or "meals". Dang it....I lost track, sugar is dropping. If you want to talk I'm here though

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s great that you are looking for solutions. Type 1 is so cruel, imo.

Have you tried a pump with an integrated cgm, that stops insulin delivery, if you are going low?

 

[Hopeful34]

Hi @type1since82 I'm so sorry you lost your son because of diabetes, and have continued to have lots of bad hypos.

If you haven't already done so, it may be helpful to set your alarms on your libre at say 5.0 and then if you're trending low, you have time to eat something to help prevent you getting into hypo territory.

Do you have any support from your diabetes clinic? Have they suggested anything to help you reduce the hypo's and hypers you're experiencing? It's no wonder you're fed up as hypo's are draining.
Again, you may have done this recently, but if not, it's essential to do fasting basal tests from time to time to check that your having the right amount of basal insulin.

 

[Lucky12345]

Being diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic was my worse nightmare, I had a fear of needles, I refused to believe I was a diabetic therefore I refused to inject myself. This battle went on for months and months and still I refused, in the end I gave in but my nightmares were just beginning. The dreaded needle phobia, it took me nearly 5 years to inject myself with confidence, I am now used to needles ( only small ones )Anyway, I still hate being a type 1 diabetic.,It’s such hard work, having to constantly watch what you eat and drink ( I don’t drink alcohol) and I don’t smoke, to be honest I do treat myself, am sure there are a lot of you do the same. I do not have the ability to be strict with my diet etc. For me personally, these past years have been nothing but a struggle, I hate , despise being this way, I just wish it would go away .

 

[kkapo18]

I'm going to be totally honest. I got diagnosed 1 month ago and as a 34 year old, this I knew was going to completely change my life. I didn't know the extent to which it would. Day by day I realised how much control I wanted over my blood sugars and became really really REALLY determined to make sure I do my physically best to control this.

I've read Dr Bernsteins book, as well as 'Think Like a pancreas' and watched several low carb doctors and picked up a wealth of knowledge in a short period of time. I initially did not have a CGM as you have to technically have to be diagnosed officially with T1 (which it has now been confirmed) but i got hold of a CGM (self funded) and have been really monitoring it with a close eye.

Since following a low carb diet my predicted A1c over the last 1 month of diagnosis is 5.7%. I still want better and believe it very much can be done.

What I would say in this short period (and many of you will know infinitely more than me having lived with this condition longer) controlling sugars if you are really determined and strive for living an optimal life, is VERY dooable.

I would encourage more people to be more curious about diet, technology, exercise and believe this can change your thought process about this condition tenfold.

I'm happy to speak to anyone, or help where I can even though i'm early on to share my experiences!

 

[Cathysbd]

Hi There
I am hoping that the fabulous community here will post replies on this thread about the subject in the title.
or possibly provide links to people's blogs on the subject , or even copy a link to an old topic that covers this area

this topic could then hopefully be something that could be shown to gather support from family members, it could be helpful to newly diagnosed families as well as families with a D peep going through issues at the present time.

thanks so much for reading and for posting if you are able.

all the best !!

hi, I have a FB page
My Insulin Pump and Me. I was diagnosed age 10 and a now 60. xxxxx

 

[Cathysbd]

I wrote this in April 2014, in the middle of a meltdown.
Things are different now - I'm on a pump, I have a Libre, I have discovered exercise and I choose to not base my diet around much carbohydrate. And I'm finally feeling that I am actually living my life.
This is my story. I am very unsure about sharing it so widely, so please be gentle with me.
Thank you.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

BETWEEN TWO LINES

When I introduce myself to people, I often ‘forget’ to introduce my other half. No, not Jim, my husband-to-be, my partner-in-crime, the funny man to my straight guy, who’s been with me since 2006, but my type 1 diabetes, my constant, lifelong, other till-death-us-do-part companion since May 1986.

And when I say ‘forget’ to introduce it, the inverted commas are there for a reason. Because, well, it’s a bit of a fib.
I choose to not mention it. Because why would I mention it?
It’s not interesting. It’s an effort to explain. And if I talk about it the second I meet you, I feel I would come across as self-obsessed.

And if I do mention it, I find it difficult that people think they know about diabetes. ‘No sugar, and injections, right?’ Wrong.
It’s more complicated than that. It takes a long time to explain.
And in that whole time I’m taking to explain it, I’m the centre of attention. It’s all about me, me, me. And that’s social death, isn’t it? ‘Hi, I’m me. Let’s talk about me.’

Why would people need an introduction to it, though? ‘Hi, I’m Rebecca’ should surely suffice. That’s ‘me’, isn’t it? They don’t need to know that I have type 1 diabetes.

They don’t necessarily need to know.
But actually, I need them to know.

Many people summarise – to me – my diabetes with the catch-all statement ‘You can’t eat sugar’. Yes, I can. But it’s more complicated than that.

You see, sugar isn’t just sugar. What people get confused about is the fact that all carbohydrate in food breaks down into glucose, or ‘sugar’, in the body. If I eat anything containing carbohydrate, it will raise my blood glucose level. Not just sugar.

Not just that white granulated stuff, or the crunchy brown Demerara, or the treacly Muscovado that’s the magic ingredient in my banana cake recipe. Not even just sweet things. There are many things that break down into ‘sugar’ in the body. Things like milk, bread, rice, potatoes, carrots, fruit, oats, pasta, tomatoes, beans, cereal, sauces, yoghurt, biscuits, peas, couscous, curry – and lots and lots of other food and drink.

I can eat what you eat. But it’s a process. It’s not spontaneous – I can’t just decide halfway through Sunday lunch that actually I’ll have another two roast potatoes and a slug of nice thick gravy. Well, actually I can, but I’ll have to go through the process all over again. Which a lot of the time, frankly, is too much trouble. So I’ll either avoid the tempting seconds and feel hard done by, or I’ll have the potatoes and gravy regardless and then beat myself up later for the resulting high blood sugar level.

The process is this:
• I calculate (or estimate and hope for the best) the number of grammes of carbohydrate in the food I am eating.
• I test my blood glucose level – and I’m going to talk about this a bit more later on. It’s a messy, painful, attention-grabbing process involving a noisy, bulky machine, a drop of blood, a tissue. Perhaps then another tissue. If you see me grasping a tissue in my hand, with my fingers tucked into my palm – well, that’s there because I’ve just done a test. And because I do so many tests, there is usually a tissue in my hand. It is not a bandage. Please don’t ask ‘what have you done to your hand?’ because then I’ll have to explain.
• Based on the time of day, the results of my blood glucose test, and the number of grammes of carbohydrate in the food I am eating – these are three separate factors which will inevitably differ from one occasion to the next - I work out how many units of insulin I need to inject. Every time I eat.

I test at these points of the day:
• When I wake up.
• Before I eat or drink anything containing carbohydrate.
• Often after I eat.
• Whenever I don’t feel ‘right’. This is a lot of the time.
• Whenever I am about to go out.
• If I’m going to be in the company of other people and don’t want to make a fool of myself by being low.
• Before important meetings, so I don’t mess up my responsibilities.
• Before I start work. I work alone, and I work with fire. It would be crazy not to test. It would be crazy to go low – or high. I need to be safe.
• During my work. See above.
• Before bed.
• Sometimes during the night.

Let me explain what amounts to a Catch 22, really.
It frustrates me that people don’t know about diabetes.
It frustrates me that people don’t know about my diabetes.
But I don’t want to tell them.
I’m embarrassed to be ‘different’.
And I don’t want to talk about myself, because it’s a) too intimate and b) feels rather self-centred.

So, do I tell them? Well, I suppose I should – because I want people to understand - but it frustrates me that I feel I need to waste their time by telling them everything about it. And yet I can’t summarise it. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
If I’m going to tell you, I’m going to have to tell you everything.

Ready? Here goes. You might want to get comfy – it’s going to take a while.

It’s all about numbers.
Keeping between two lines.

There’s a target range for blood glucose test results. It’s between 4mmol/l and 7mmol/l (that’s millimoles of glucose per litre of blood, if you’re interested).

Imagine those numbers as two lines on a graph.

Since the age of 11, my all-consuming ambition has been for my test results to be numbers between those two lines. Always.

Every single test.

It’s a full-time job with no time off, no chance of retirement. Given that the numbers change on a minute-by-minute basis, according to what I’ve eaten or haven’t eaten, whether I’ve correctly or incorrectly calculated the amount of insulin I’ve taken, whether I’ve been very active or inactive, whether it’s a hot day or a cold day, whether I’m stressed out or chilled out, or simply because of that mystical factor of ‘just because’, – well, I’m constantly being chased by a whole series of numbers. It’s fine to be chased by the ‘good’ numbers – the ones between two lines – in fact, that’s quite fun. It’s ‘good’. It’s ‘right’.

The numbers that aren’t between those two lines, though, are the baddies. And I feel as if they’re going to get me.

But whether they’re high or low, they’re not just numbers. Those two lines aren’t arbitrary. Each number on the scale represents its own set of physical feelings.

Most of the time, I feel slightly unwell. Not awful, not ill, just slightly unwell. Bearable. Physically, it’s bearable.
But what does it all actually feel like?

High blood glucose levels
• Over about 10mmol/l, I feel sluggish and slow.
• Over about 12mmol/l, I feel tired and cross. If I’m at this level for a while, I’ll get pain in my lower back, because my kidneys are working harder to get rid of the excess glucose. I’ll feel thirsty. I’ll feel poorly. My breath will smell.
• If the number is higher, I’ll feel worse.
• Over about 18mmol/l, I’ll also feel slightly sick, and will want to curl up and go to sleep. Except I can’t curl up, because if I bend my legs I will get crippling cramp. All that sugar has made me slow and syrupy, and my blood feels just too sticky to move effectively.

Physically, then, if I’m too high, I’ll feel rubbish.

Low blood glucose levels
• At around 4.5mmol/l, I’ll begin to feel shaky.
• At around 4mmol/l, I’ll start to get hot. Very hot. And confused.
And I’ll be talking and talking without making much sense.
• Below 4mmol/l, I’ll be vague and vacant. My eyes won’t focus.
• Below 3mmol/l, I’ll be feeling – and appearing to others – very odd.
• Below 2mmol/l, it’ll get scary. I’ll be soaking wet and freezing cold.

Physically, then, if I’m too low, I’ll feel rubbish.

And if my blood glucose level is dropping fast, I might not even realise any of these things are happening.

I lose entire days to hypoglycaemia, low blood glucose. On a particularly ‘fun’ day, I’ll be a diabetes rollercoaster. If I’ve been low in the night, I’ll be stratospheric first thing. That’ll make me cross. I’ll sort that out with a corrective dose of insulin at breakfast time, calculated by me according to the ‘right’ criteria. But that might be too much, which means I’ll go low a couple of hours later. By which time I’ll be cross, and if I’m by this stage sick and tired of the situation, I’ll be impatient, and not want to wait to feel better (a process which takes 10-15 minutes or so). So I’ll eat more glucose. And more. Maybe then a biscuit, just to make sure. Or something else. And then I’ll kick myself for being high again afterwards. Again, cross. And then I’ll correct that with some more insulin. And then I might go low again, and – yes - get cross. Eventually I’ll probably just go to bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow, though, will be its own rollercoaster. Because diabetes doesn’t ‘improve’. It’s not like a cold, which feels progressively better day after day until it’s gone. Every day, every single day, I feel like a beginner, a novice, a failure. I’m out of control with trying to be in control. It’s a nightmare.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes:

It’s important to consider – for me to consider as well as for you to consider - my lack of ability, when I’m lower than I should be, to think rationally, to concentrate, and to make decisions. When I’m low, my brain doesn’t work properly. Thinking is not its main priority of function.

Consider this:
Before Jim’s recent operation, we were reading the pre-op assessment blurb from the hospital. This bit caught my eye:

‘If you have had a general anaesthetic or sedation, you should not sign legal documents for at least 24 hours.’

I realised something huge.
One can assume from the above that after general anaesthetic or sedation, one isn’t quite all ‘there’. Not quite compus mentis. Not competent to sign legal documents. Not ‘right in the head’.
I’m not ‘all there’ when my blood glucose levels are below that bottom line. I can’t think. I’m confused. But to you I might not look or seem any different, especially if you don’t know me well.

I probably won’t realise this, though. If you ask me to do something, commit to something, sign something, then the chances are I’ll be keen to do it. I’m a pleaser, and I like to help, but I might be making a decision when I’m not in full control of my brain. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but that’s the only way I can describe it.

Often, when I’m low, particularly if it’s an instance where I’ve ‘crashed’ very quickly, and although I will have awareness of not being right, I cannot be relied upon to make the right decisions and go through the right processes to fix the problem. If I’m away with the fairies, generally I’m more interested in the fairies than in finding a source of fast-acting carbohydrate.

Not only can I not make the decision to take the action required, I don’t have the capacity to make the decision to not make the decision. So I’ll just drift. The social and safety repercussions of such a scenario have the potential to haunt me for a lifetime. Some already do.

Want to hear about the psychological implications of all this? If the number’s not between those two lines on the graph, then I’m rubbish. By that I don’t mean that I physically feel rubbish (although that is often the case), but that I am rubbish.
And that I’ve got it wrong.
I’m an idiot.
It’s my fault.
I’m stupid.
I’m a failure.
And that I’ve broken my day. I might as well not go to work, not go out. Perhaps I’ll go back to bed, or eat a 1kg tin of Quality Street – after all, if the numbers are going to be ‘wrong’ anyway, I might as well make the most of it. Perhaps I’ll drive to Margate on a whim, without telling anybody. I’m unpredictable and I’m complicated. Who knows what I might do? I certainly don’t.
Too high? I feel rubbish both physically and psychologically.
I beat myself up about it. I’m cross. I hate myself for getting it wrong.

Too low? I feel rubbish both physically and psychologically.
I beat myself up about it. I’m cross. I hate myself for getting it wrong.

Do you see a pattern here? This is what it’s like.

And even when I’m not in the process of doing a test, or if I haven’t done one for an hour, or if I’m changing my plans for the day, or I’m drinking alcohol, or am full of adrenaline thanks to things going on around me, I’m always wondering where I am on the scale.
Am I ‘right’?
Am I low?
Am I high?
Am I just right but possibly dropping slowly?
Or dropping fast?
Or going high?
There is no escape. It is in my head all the time.

And for the sake of my long-term health (avoiding diabetes complications such as blindness, neuropathy, amputations, kidney failure) that’s absolutely the way it should be. It is, really.

Aiming for perfect control means that I’m more likely to be low than high. But whenever I’m low, I come across to myself and to others as completely bonkers. That’s not good for my social life, my work, or my confidence. Or indeed my safety.

I am told on a regular basis – often in fact by the very healthcare professionals who gave me the target of those two lines to stay between – that I’m too hard on myself, and that I should ease up. After all, a few numbers here and there that don’t fall between two lines are okay, surely?
Well, are they?

If you tell me to keep between two lines, then it is right to keep between two lines; ergo going out of that range is therefore wrong.

How does that compute, exactly?
‘You’ve got to be right, but actually, being right all of the time is wrong, so it’s okay to be wrong even though you need to be right’.
Eh?

I get so cross when I’m high. And when I’m low.

Sometimes, I’m just cross.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Love Snapsy xxx

I LOVED reading your post, it’s all so relatable and very very true and you put it into words so well, so thank you for this. xxxxx

 

[Ladybird1]

Hi There
I am hoping that the fabulous community here will post replies on this thread about the subject in the title.
or possibly provide links to people's blogs on the subject , or even copy a link to an old topic that covers this area

this topic could then hopefully be something that could be shown to gather support from family members, it could be helpful to newly diagnosed families as well as families with a D peep going through issues at the present time.

thanks so much for reading and for posting if you are able.

all the best !!

I've been Type 1 for 61 years now, started when I was 4. There's been vast changes to the way you manage this now. I hate being like this, I get so depressed about it. Out of a large family I am the only person to have Diabetes and I'll never get the answer to WHY ME. There's just no let up with testing, injecting, balancing carb intake with insulin doses, managing hypo's and of course complications with having it for so long. People just don't understand what every day life is really like. You don't look (ill) on the outside but there's a lot going on inside. Sorry for the rant, I've just come back from the Renal clinic and things aren't good at all. Just feeling sorry for myself atm

 

[hh1]

I'm going to be totally honest. I got diagnosed 1 month ago and as a 34 year old, this I knew was going to completely change my life. I didn't know the extent to which it would. Day by day I realised how much control I wanted over my blood sugars and became really really REALLY determined to make sure I do my physically best to control this.

I've read Dr Bernsteins book, as well as 'Think Like a pancreas' and watched several low carb doctors and picked up a wealth of knowledge in a short period of time. I initially did not have a CGM as you have to technically have to be diagnosed officially with T1 (which it has now been confirmed) but i got hold of a CGM (self funded) and have been really monitoring it with a close eye.

Since following a low carb diet my predicted A1c over the last 1 month of diagnosis is 5.7%. I still want better and believe it very much can be done.

What I would say in this short period (and many of you will know infinitely more than me having lived with this condition longer) controlling sugars if you are really determined and strive for living an optimal life, is VERY dooable.

I would encourage more people to be more curious about diet, technology, exercise and believe this can change your thought process about this condition tenfold.

I'm happy to speak to anyone, or help where I can even though i'm early on to share my experiences!

@kkapo18 welcome to the club no-one wants to join. I like your approach; it's exactly the same as mine was 40 years ago when first diagnosed. However, there's a honeymoon period, during which my sugars were even better controlled than yours. Over time, our bodies change, life changes, circumstances change and it may get harder to have that very tight control. Not becuase of not trying, but not least, as many of us know, because of the x factor - that's the diabetes x factor which means that doing exactly the same things two days running can see totally different results. Some people think it's really all down to what colour socks you put on in the morning..... it can be that inexplicable.
I wish you the best in living with T1 and hope your control continues to be very good. It's not always so doable for others.

 

[CheeseSeaker]

I'm going to be totally honest. I got diagnosed 1 month ago and as a 34 year old, this I knew was going to completely change my life. I didn't know the extent to which it would. Day by day I realised how much control I wanted over my blood sugars and became really really REALLY determined to make sure I do my physically best to control this.

Fantastic approach - if you read and understand whats going on you have a much better base to treat your own T1 (and you need to be able to self govern some of the time, NHS is wonderful, but you're there 24/7 and in the best place to make informed decisions).

You will do it - at some point you might get a bit 'whats the point?' (we all do at some stage) - keep going, and remember no-one is ever prefect. I've been bitten more than a few times from me being 'a tad thick' and doing the wrong thing.

I'm now 51 years in - have fully automated my pancreas (Fully Closed Loop) where I don't do anything, and it sorts itself out (like being human again) within limits. Even that goes pear from time to time - last night I had bluetooth issues that took my phone off-line in an odd way - no alarms or control of my pump, or CGM for 2 hours and subsequent high BG (a b*gger as I'd eaten pizza which is always tricky) and was busy doing stuff so didn't notice.

I recovered without a problem after a few hours waiting for the insulin to bring me back in range - so all ok - point is that there isn't a perfect solution, we are on the way to a work around using technology, but not there yet (but its the best its ever been in my 50+ years of T1)

 

[SimonP78]

at some point you might get a bit 'whats the point?' (we all do at some stage)

I've managed to avoid this so far (~39 years in), fingers crossed it stays that way!

@kkapo18 welcome to the club no-one wants to join. I like your approach; it's exactly the same as mine was 40 years ago when first diagnosed. However, there's a honeymoon period, during which my sugars were even better controlled than yours. Over time, our bodies change, life changes, circumstances change and it may get harder to have that very tight control. Not becuase of not trying, but not least, as many of us know, because of the x factor - that's the diabetes x factor which means that doing exactly the same things two days running can see totally different results. Some people think it's really all down to what colour socks you put on in the morning..... it can be that inexplicable.
I wish you the best in living with T1 and hope your control continues to be very good. It's not always so doable for others.

Agreed, some things make optimal control difficult, it was much easier and I had a lower HbA1c while at school (4.7% - perhaps too low) partly based on the fact that I did a lot of regular exercise and the day was very regimented re meal times and what was on offer. Work, especially irregularities in timings and locations of meetings, etc., make life difficult. I find going even slightly low in meetings isn't very helpful. CGMs make life much easier, along with being able to see my BG on my watch so I can try to head problems off in advance (and also, unrelated to work, seriously reduces the underlying concern about overnight BG when sleeping alone).

The need to drive places at a given time of the day e.g. morning school drop-off, especially as it coincides with foot-on-the-floor is the most troublesome issue I currently have with BG control. This is allied to the fact that I then need to get working pretty soon after getting back from drop off, which precludes some meaningful morning exercise. So children are troublesome though with that said, when I walked them to the local primary that was perfect, so I'll amend the previous statement - it's not the children, it's the location of the schools!

My other two bugbears are related to riding bikes and work (obliquely). If I WFH I try to get out for an hour at lunchtime, so I try to avoid having IoB at this point (as otherwise I need to eat unwanted food before I go out), but then if a meeting gets scheduled at the last minute and my BG is already heading upwards, I don't really want to take insulin if I will still be able to get out.

The last one is solely bike related - I never quite know what will happen in the first 2h of a long ride, I might go high, I might go low, I might be perfect (rarely). Different every time. At least I know I will always need to eat "all the food" after about 5h until whenever I make it back.

C'est la vie, I don't question why, it is a thing, it's in my best interests to deal with it as best I can. It's a challenge that keeps one constantly alert. Regarding control, what is the adage, "perfect is the enemy of good" - aim for good enough and don't get frustrated and burned out.

 

[a live]

I don't think there is many people with this type of look on Type 1
bot i think its a good feelings to know that your taking care of your self and you understand your body's needs
with this look I'm always happy and proud that i got this resent from good to take care if my self

 

[Captain_Sensible]

Hi There
I am hoping that the fabulous community here will post replies on this thread about the subject in the title.
or possibly provide links to people's blogs on the subject , or even copy a link to an old topic that covers this area

this topic could then hopefully be something that could be shown to gather support from family members, it could be helpful to newly diagnosed families as well as families with a D peep going through issues at the present time.

thanks so much for reading and for posting if you are able.

all the best !!

This is a truly complicated subject and a quite a difficult one to respond to.
I have been a Type 1 diabetic for 64 years now and I certainly wish I'd never been struck down with it at the age of 16!
I was admitted to hospital in 1960 in a very high blood sugar Ketoacidosis Coma. I apparently was unconscious for over 3 months whilst they were trying to get me out of it. I was very lucky to come out of it - my parents told me afterwards I was lucky to be alive. I thank the doctors and nurses at Clatterbridge Hospital on the Wirral for saving my life. Symptoms of Diabetes were not as recognisable as they are today. I do remember being extremely thirsty all the time, feeling weak and wanting to drink water a lot- probably for 3 months before I was admitted to hospital.
From the early days when I had to test my urine in a test tube every day - which at school was very very difficult never mind embarrassing- up until these days when modern technology has thankfully taken over- things have really changed for the better. Back then - having diabetes was a living hell. The worries about having high blood sugars was dwarfed by the fact that you could suffer severe hypos at any moment and with very little warning. The only "cure" was to keep your bloods as high as you were comfortable with. Home blood glucose meters didn't come in until the mid eighties so us early diabetics had to rely on the old Clinitest urine monitoring system- which was crude in the extreme and highly inaccurate as well. Each urine test involved putting 5 drops of urine and 10 drops of water into a test tube and adding a special Clinitest tablet. The mixture would boil up in the tube and turn a certain colour. You would compare your colour with the chart. Blue - negative up to bright Orange -2%. All highly inaccurate but it was all we had.
Couple that with heavy glass syringes that had to be boiled in a pan to sterilise before use and detachable needles that were thick and painful to use regularly. We had pork and bovine insulin to inject from a bottle - no throwaway needles or syringes back then. I had to keep my glass syringe in a metal container in my jacket pocket along with insulin bottles.
Things were very different and difficult back then. A visit to the hospital for a 3 monthly visit and blood and weight check was the only doctors you saw. He would adjust your insulin as he saw fit on the basis of one single hospital blood test on the day. I remember the doc saying my control was ok but a little high at 13mmols & said it should be 10mmols preferably! I've lost count of the number of really severe hypoglycaemic attacks I've had over the years. I've fallen and been unconscious many times with Bloods readings down to 1.8 and 1.9mmols on the odd occasion. So fellow DB's on here saying that the are hypo at 3.4 mmols and feel a bit woozy haven't really crossed the line like this ole boy has! I've been saved by my liver sugar storage I think? It wasn't til 1984 that I got my first finger pricking BG monitor. That was a game changer. You had to wait 2 minutes for a result but who cares- no more Wee tests!
Then came the advent of throwaway plastic syringes by Beckton Dickinson the manufacturers - I could God Bless them too In later years the BG monitors got smaller and more advanced and I've lost count of the number of those I've had to keep me on top of things. But keep on top of things they
did. I was a bit later I offered a pump but declined as my control was good at the time using just plenty of testing and being careful of my carb intake. I also didn't want the hassle of tubes etc.
Then 3 year ago my lovely DB specialist gave me my Libre 2 and honestly - I don't know what I'd do without this little patch on my arm! Absolute miracle. Fellow Type 1'ers should be really grateful for what technology has done for us.
Btw - I'm still using the old porcine insulin in insulin bottles made by Wockhardt. Hypurin and Isophane. (quick acting and medium/slow acting) I have found for the last 20 years it's always given me alot more warnings of any imminent hypos which of course is so important. It keeps my HBA1c at around 7.2- 7.5 for years.
I hope you all find my story interesting- I'm happy to talk on messages to anyone who wants clarifications or advice on how to deal with this disease we call Diabetes. I've been thru the mill on this one !

 

[Andrew2018]

Currently, life as a type 1 for me is scanning my arm with my Libre every half hour or so and taking a series of small injections (typically around 10 a day at present) through the day.

Injections and Libre scanning is the relatively easy part.

Needing to sometimes wait to eat until your sugar comes down so that you don't spike your sugar levels super-high from an already high level is one of the annoyances.

Having to make dozens of not easy decisions about how much to inject and when, what to eat, how and when. Taking into account a range of different factors every single can be mentally tiring some days.

Never being able to go much more than 500-yards without taking kit and glucose with you just in case your levels start dropping (or sometimes rising -depending how far you're going).

Having your emotions and ability to cope (physically and mentally) tied to your sugar levels. Low sugar levels making you slow and unable to cope with usual tasks that would be a doddle. High sugar levels making you irritable and/or lethargic plus can also initiate short term depressive symptoms. Both low and high sugar levels amplify emotions making it that bit harder to keep one's head together under some situations.

Having to delay or interrupt sex because of low blood sugar.

Urinary tract infections being more likely if sugar levels have been high for several hours or over a number of days -particularly if stressed at the same time.

Occasionally having to battle off feeling depressed about the risk of developing long-term complications if sugar levels having been high for longer than I'd like.

Mostly for me, type 1 diabetes is fine to deal with when control is good. But, when control goes a bit skewiff, the little persistent things can add up to the short term difficulties and that's when things get tough and you want to scream a bit inside or out.

Type 1 can amplify things. When life is tough, the type 1 makes everything that bit harder. However, perhaps the dealing with the tough stuff makes us a bit sunnier and brighter when the good times do happen?

Ed

Never heard of taking that many injections. Was that under specialist advice?. As time goes on injection sites play up even with doing 5 injections a day ( Novorapid and Levermir twice daily and Novorapid at lunch ) I have now got serious issues with different absorption rates from different sites and areas that cannot be used. I would be seriously concerned that you will exhaust your injection sites very fast.

 

[SimonP78]

I do on the order of 10 injections a day (2x basal, 3x meals - generally split doses so 2x for each, + a couple of correction doses/snacks), I don't think this is necessarily something to worry about, though I think the looking at the Libre every 30min is perhaps more troublesome especially if you end up overcorrecting (purely from a mental point of view, presumably with so much intervention the actual levels will remain reasonably well controlled).

My consultant did ask whether I was suffering from overload as I was doing lots of injections, but I told her I was quite happy.

If you're happy, crack on, but do think about the mental burden and whether loosening control/not looking so often would reduce workload, even if you're currently happy with things.

 

[hh1]

T1 for 40 years. About 8 or so years ago a nurse said I had hyperlipotrophy in my stomach, although I can't feel it myslef. However, absorption there is definitely less good than elsewhere. I believe three things led to this: one was the convenience of injecting there, hence too-frequent injections in the same place; the second was reusing needles, and the third was that when I was diagnosed, needles were much longer and wider than they are now, hence more damage every time I injected.. Since then I've used a new needle every time, I avoid that area and I take a lot more care about rotating, and using new, sites. For the past 5 or so years I've been sugar surfing, ie making more adjustments for closer control. My consultant is very happy about my approach and results and all my sites are uncompromised at present.

The problem is that living with T1 is an inexact science, and somertimes there's a trade-off for doing one thing to solve a problem which may lead to another one. I'm hopeful that my current approach will avoid further hyperlipotrophy and I suspect that I'm old enough that I'll be long gone before that has time to happen

 

[CoolLukeHand]

This is a truly complicated subject and a quite a difficult one to respond to.
I have been a Type 1 diabetic for 64 years now and I certainly wish I'd never been struck down with it at the age of 16!
I was admitted to hospital in 1960 in a very high blood sugar Ketoacidosis Coma. I apparently was unconscious for over 3 months whilst they were trying to get me out of it. I was very lucky to come out of it - my parents told me afterwards I was lucky to be alive. I thank the doctors and nurses at Clatterbridge Hospital on the Wirral for saving my life. Symptoms of Diabetes were not as recognisable as they are today. I do remember being extremely thirsty all the time, feeling weak and wanting to drink water a lot- probably for 3 months before I was admitted to hospital.
From the early days when I had to test my urine in a test tube every day - which at school was very very difficult never mind embarrassing- up until these days when modern technology has thankfully taken over- things have really changed for the better. Back then - having diabetes was a living hell. The worries about having high blood sugars was dwarfed by the fact that you could suffer severe hypos at any moment and with very little warning. The only "cure" was to keep your bloods as high as you were comfortable with. Home blood glucose meters didn't come in until the mid eighties so us early diabetics had to rely on the old Clinitest urine monitoring system- which was crude in the extreme and highly inaccurate as well. Each urine test involved putting 5 drops of urine and 10 drops of water into a test tube and adding a special Clinitest tablet. The mixture would boil up in the tube and turn a certain colour. You would compare your colour with the chart. Blue - negative up to bright Orange -2%. All highly inaccurate but it was all we had.
Couple that with heavy glass syringes that had to be boiled in a pan to sterilise before use and detachable needles that were thick and painful to use regularly. We had pork and bovine insulin to inject from a bottle - no throwaway needles or syringes back then. I had to keep my glass syringe in a metal container in my jacket pocket along with insulin bottles.
Things were very different and difficult back then. A visit to the hospital for a 3 monthly visit and blood and weight check was the only doctors you saw. He would adjust your insulin as he saw fit on the basis of one single hospital blood test on the day. I remember the doc saying my control was ok but a little high at 13mmols & said it should be 10mmols preferably! I've lost count of the number of really severe hypoglycaemic attacks I've had over the years. I've fallen and been unconscious many times with Bloods readings down to 1.8 and 1.9mmols on the odd occasion. So fellow DB's on here saying that the are hypo at 3.4 mmols and feel a bit woozy haven't really crossed the line like this ole boy has! I've been saved by my liver sugar storage I think? It wasn't til 1984 that I got my first finger pricking BG monitor. That was a game changer. You had to wait 2 minutes for a result but who cares- no more Wee tests!
Then came the advent of throwaway plastic syringes by Beckton Dickinson the manufacturers - I could God Bless them too In later years the BG monitors got smaller and more advanced and I've lost count of the number of those I've had to keep me on top of things. But keep on top of things they
did. I was a bit later I offered a pump but declined as my control was good at the time using just plenty of testing and being careful of my carb intake. I also didn't want the hassle of tubes etc.
Then 3 year ago my lovely DB specialist gave me my Libre 2 and honestly - I don't know what I'd do without this little patch on my arm! Absolute miracle. Fellow Type 1'ers should be really grateful for what technology has done for us.
Btw - I'm still using the old porcine insulin in insulin bottles made by Wockhardt. Hypurin and Isophane. (quick acting and medium/slow acting) I have found for the last 20 years it's always given me alot more warnings of any imminent hypos which of course is so important. It keeps my HBA1c at around 7.2- 7.5 for years.
I hope you all find my story interesting- I'm happy to talk on messages to anyone who wants clarifications or advice on how to deal with this disease we call Diabetes. I've been thru the mill on this one !

Absolutely fantastic post, it has made me feel like a complete novice at 38+ years type-one those kind of levels for so long are just remarkable! You have amazing willpower which is something I am struggling with a bit as I get older. Since I turned 50 I seem to have slipped but still hanging in there!

If ok I will message y

 

[Paul_Spittel]

I wrote this in April 2014, in the middle of a meltdown.
Things are different now - I'm on a pump, I have a Libre, I have discovered exercise and I choose to not base my diet around much carbohydrate. And I'm finally feeling that I am actually living my life.
This is my story. I am very unsure about sharing it so widely, so please be gentle with me.
Thank you.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

BETWEEN TWO LINES

When I introduce myself to people, I often ‘forget’ to introduce my other half. No, not Jim, my husband-to-be, my partner-in-crime, the funny man to my straight guy, who’s been with me since 2006, but my type 1 diabetes, my constant, lifelong, other till-death-us-do-part companion since May 1986.

And when I say ‘forget’ to introduce it, the inverted commas are there for a reason. Because, well, it’s a bit of a fib.
I choose to not mention it. Because why would I mention it?
It’s not interesting. It’s an effort to explain. And if I talk about it the second I meet you, I feel I would come across as self-obsessed.

And if I do mention it, I find it difficult that people think they know about diabetes. ‘No sugar, and injections, right?’ Wrong.
It’s more complicated than that. It takes a long time to explain.
And in that whole time I’m taking to explain it, I’m the centre of attention. It’s all about me, me, me. And that’s social death, isn’t it? ‘Hi, I’m me. Let’s talk about me.’

Why would people need an introduction to it, though? ‘Hi, I’m Rebecca’ should surely suffice. That’s ‘me’, isn’t it? They don’t need to know that I have type 1 diabetes.

They don’t necessarily need to know.
But actually, I need them to know.

Many people summarise – to me – my diabetes with the catch-all statement ‘You can’t eat sugar’. Yes, I can. But it’s more complicated than that.

You see, sugar isn’t just sugar. What people get confused about is the fact that all carbohydrate in food breaks down into glucose, or ‘sugar’, in the body. If I eat anything containing carbohydrate, it will raise my blood glucose level. Not just sugar.

Not just that white granulated stuff, or the crunchy brown Demerara, or the treacly Muscovado that’s the magic ingredient in my banana cake recipe. Not even just sweet things. There are many things that break down into ‘sugar’ in the body. Things like milk, bread, rice, potatoes, carrots, fruit, oats, pasta, tomatoes, beans, cereal, sauces, yoghurt, biscuits, peas, couscous, curry – and lots and lots of other food and drink.

I can eat what you eat. But it’s a process. It’s not spontaneous – I can’t just decide halfway through Sunday lunch that actually I’ll have another two roast potatoes and a slug of nice thick gravy. Well, actually I can, but I’ll have to go through the process all over again. Which a lot of the time, frankly, is too much trouble. So I’ll either avoid the tempting seconds and feel hard done by, or I’ll have the potatoes and gravy regardless and then beat myself up later for the resulting high blood sugar level.

The process is this:
• I calculate (or estimate and hope for the best) the number of grammes of carbohydrate in the food I am eating.
• I test my blood glucose level – and I’m going to talk about this a bit more later on. It’s a messy, painful, attention-grabbing process involving a noisy, bulky machine, a drop of blood, a tissue. Perhaps then another tissue. If you see me grasping a tissue in my hand, with my fingers tucked into my palm – well, that’s there because I’ve just done a test. And because I do so many tests, there is usually a tissue in my hand. It is not a bandage. Please don’t ask ‘what have you done to your hand?’ because then I’ll have to explain.
• Based on the time of day, the results of my blood glucose test, and the number of grammes of carbohydrate in the food I am eating – these are three separate factors which will inevitably differ from one occasion to the next - I work out how many units of insulin I need to inject. Every time I eat.

I test at these points of the day:
• When I wake up.
• Before I eat or drink anything containing carbohydrate.
• Often after I eat.
• Whenever I don’t feel ‘right’. This is a lot of the time.
• Whenever I am about to go out.
• If I’m going to be in the company of other people and don’t want to make a fool of myself by being low.
• Before important meetings, so I don’t mess up my responsibilities.
• Before I start work. I work alone, and I work with fire. It would be crazy not to test. It would be crazy to go low – or high. I need to be safe.
• During my work. See above.
• Before bed.
• Sometimes during the night.

Let me explain what amounts to a Catch 22, really.
It frustrates me that people don’t know about diabetes.
It frustrates me that people don’t know about my diabetes.
But I don’t want to tell them.
I’m embarrassed to be ‘different’.
And I don’t want to talk about myself, because it’s a) too intimate and b) feels rather self-centred.

So, do I tell them? Well, I suppose I should – because I want people to understand - but it frustrates me that I feel I need to waste their time by telling them everything about it. And yet I can’t summarise it. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
If I’m going to tell you, I’m going to have to tell you everything.

Ready? Here goes. You might want to get comfy – it’s going to take a while.

It’s all about numbers.
Keeping between two lines.

There’s a target range for blood glucose test results. It’s between 4mmol/l and 7mmol/l (that’s millimoles of glucose per litre of blood, if you’re interested).

Imagine those numbers as two lines on a graph.

Since the age of 11, my all-consuming ambition has been for my test results to be numbers between those two lines. Always.

Every single test.

It’s a full-time job with no time off, no chance of retirement. Given that the numbers change on a minute-by-minute basis, according to what I’ve eaten or haven’t eaten, whether I’ve correctly or incorrectly calculated the amount of insulin I’ve taken, whether I’ve been very active or inactive, whether it’s a hot day or a cold day, whether I’m stressed out or chilled out, or simply because of that mystical factor of ‘just because’, – well, I’m constantly being chased by a whole series of numbers. It’s fine to be chased by the ‘good’ numbers – the ones between two lines – in fact, that’s quite fun. It’s ‘good’. It’s ‘right’.

The numbers that aren’t between those two lines, though, are the baddies. And I feel as if they’re going to get me.

But whether they’re high or low, they’re not just numbers. Those two lines aren’t arbitrary. Each number on the scale represents its own set of physical feelings.

Most of the time, I feel slightly unwell. Not awful, not ill, just slightly unwell. Bearable. Physically, it’s bearable.
But what does it all actually feel like?

High blood glucose levels
• Over about 10mmol/l, I feel sluggish and slow.
• Over about 12mmol/l, I feel tired and cross. If I’m at this level for a while, I’ll get pain in my lower back, because my kidneys are working harder to get rid of the excess glucose. I’ll feel thirsty. I’ll feel poorly. My breath will smell.
• If the number is higher, I’ll feel worse.
• Over about 18mmol/l, I’ll also feel slightly sick, and will want to curl up and go to sleep. Except I can’t curl up, because if I bend my legs I will get crippling cramp. All that sugar has made me slow and syrupy, and my blood feels just too sticky to move effectively.

Physically, then, if I’m too high, I’ll feel rubbish.

Low blood glucose levels
• At around 4.5mmol/l, I’ll begin to feel shaky.
• At around 4mmol/l, I’ll start to get hot. Very hot. And confused.
And I’ll be talking and talking without making much sense.
• Below 4mmol/l, I’ll be vague and vacant. My eyes won’t focus.
• Below 3mmol/l, I’ll be feeling – and appearing to others – very odd.
• Below 2mmol/l, it’ll get scary. I’ll be soaking wet and freezing cold.

Physically, then, if I’m too low, I’ll feel rubbish.

And if my blood glucose level is dropping fast, I might not even realise any of these things are happening.

I lose entire days to hypoglycaemia, low blood glucose. On a particularly ‘fun’ day, I’ll be a diabetes rollercoaster. If I’ve been low in the night, I’ll be stratospheric first thing. That’ll make me cross. I’ll sort that out with a corrective dose of insulin at breakfast time, calculated by me according to the ‘right’ criteria. But that might be too much, which means I’ll go low a couple of hours later. By which time I’ll be cross, and if I’m by this stage sick and tired of the situation, I’ll be impatient, and not want to wait to feel better (a process which takes 10-15 minutes or so). So I’ll eat more glucose. And more. Maybe then a biscuit, just to make sure. Or something else. And then I’ll kick myself for being high again afterwards. Again, cross. And then I’ll correct that with some more insulin. And then I might go low again, and – yes - get cross. Eventually I’ll probably just go to bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow, though, will be its own rollercoaster. Because diabetes doesn’t ‘improve’. It’s not like a cold, which feels progressively better day after day until it’s gone. Every day, every single day, I feel like a beginner, a novice, a failure. I’m out of control with trying to be in control. It’s a nightmare.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes:

It’s important to consider – for me to consider as well as for you to consider - my lack of ability, when I’m lower than I should be, to think rationally, to concentrate, and to make decisions. When I’m low, my brain doesn’t work properly. Thinking is not its main priority of function.

Consider this:
Before Jim’s recent operation, we were reading the pre-op assessment blurb from the hospital. This bit caught my eye:

‘If you have had a general anaesthetic or sedation, you should not sign legal documents for at least 24 hours.’

I realised something huge.
One can assume from the above that after general anaesthetic or sedation, one isn’t quite all ‘there’. Not quite compus mentis. Not competent to sign legal documents. Not ‘right in the head’.
I’m not ‘all there’ when my blood glucose levels are below that bottom line. I can’t think. I’m confused. But to you I might not look or seem any different, especially if you don’t know me well.

I probably won’t realise this, though. If you ask me to do something, commit to something, sign something, then the chances are I’ll be keen to do it. I’m a pleaser, and I like to help, but I might be making a decision when I’m not in full control of my brain. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but that’s the only way I can describe it.

Often, when I’m low, particularly if it’s an instance where I’ve ‘crashed’ very quickly, and although I will have awareness of not being right, I cannot be relied upon to make the right decisions and go through the right processes to fix the problem. If I’m away with the fairies, generally I’m more interested in the fairies than in finding a source of fast-acting carbohydrate.

Not only can I not make the decision to take the action required, I don’t have the capacity to make the decision to not make the decision. So I’ll just drift. The social and safety repercussions of such a scenario have the potential to haunt me for a lifetime. Some already do.

Want to hear about the psychological implications of all this? If the number’s not between those two lines on the graph, then I’m rubbish. By that I don’t mean that I physically feel rubbish (although that is often the case), but that I am rubbish.
And that I’ve got it wrong.
I’m an idiot.
It’s my fault.
I’m stupid.
I’m a failure.
And that I’ve broken my day. I might as well not go to work, not go out. Perhaps I’ll go back to bed, or eat a 1kg tin of Quality Street – after all, if the numbers are going to be ‘wrong’ anyway, I might as well make the most of it. Perhaps I’ll drive to Margate on a whim, without telling anybody. I’m unpredictable and I’m complicated. Who knows what I might do? I certainly don’t.
Too high? I feel rubbish both physically and psychologically.
I beat myself up about it. I’m cross. I hate myself for getting it wrong.

Too low? I feel rubbish both physically and psychologically.
I beat myself up about it. I’m cross. I hate myself for getting it wrong.

Do you see a pattern here? This is what it’s like.

And even when I’m not in the process of doing a test, or if I haven’t done one for an hour, or if I’m changing my plans for the day, or I’m drinking alcohol, or am full of adrenaline thanks to things going on around me, I’m always wondering where I am on the scale.
Am I ‘right’?
Am I low?
Am I high?
Am I just right but possibly dropping slowly?
Or dropping fast?
Or going high?
There is no escape. It is in my head all the time.

And for the sake of my long-term health (avoiding diabetes complications such as blindness, neuropathy, amputations, kidney failure) that’s absolutely the way it should be. It is, really.

Aiming for perfect control means that I’m more likely to be low than high. But whenever I’m low, I come across to myself and to others as completely bonkers. That’s not good for my social life, my work, or my confidence. Or indeed my safety.

I am told on a regular basis – often in fact by the very healthcare professionals who gave me the target of those two lines to stay between – that I’m too hard on myself, and that I should ease up. After all, a few numbers here and there that don’t fall between two lines are okay, surely?
Well, are they?

If you tell me to keep between two lines, then it is right to keep between two lines; ergo going out of that range is therefore wrong.

How does that compute, exactly?
‘You’ve got to be right, but actually, being right all of the time is wrong, so it’s okay to be wrong even though you need to be right’.
Eh?

I get so cross when I’m high. And when I’m low.

Sometimes, I’m just cross.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Love Snapsy xxx

I feel your pain!