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False pretences?

I think I am about to go against the mainstream advice in this thread :)

Firstly, your partner is (significantly?) over 20 stone, and was before diagnosis.
So this to me is the major problem, not the T2 diabetes.
To get to this weight you usually have to eat not just the "wrong" things but a lot of them over a long period.
You also either have to be proud of your weight, or desperately unhappy about it and eating to cheer yourself up.
[Please excuse the sweeping generalisation!]

In his situation, the diet advice from the NHS is good because it is aimed at getting obese non-diabetics (80% of their clients) to reduce weight.
The idea is that you eat everything you like, but less of it.
You also have more of things you may not be eating enough of to make the "balanced" plate.
I know on here we generally don't agree with this diet advice because of the amount of carbs, but I believe that this approach is a pragmatic one because it is hard enough to get someone to reduce portion sizes without also denying them the pleasure foods that they have eaten all their life and which they crave.
The HCPs are well aware of the problems of modifying eating habits and are happy with limited gains which they can achieve instead of "ideal" solutions which will be rejected out of hand.

As an aside, I was chatting with a long term T1 a while back and he said that his first reaction on diagnosis was to go to the sweet shop and eat as much as he could because he knew sweets were going to be taken away from him.
I think your partner is going down this route - denial that there is a problem (which we all go through) plus a fear that he is going to be forced to give up the foods he craves.
His reaction is to challenge any change you put forward and also to go out and eat so he is successfully rejecting your attempts to modify and control his diet.

I think it is more important to address the weight than change the underlying diet.
Giving him the food he has always had (but less of it) keeps you on his side instead of being the enemy.
Any counselling services the NHS offers plus membership of a weight loss club may help to motivate him.
He needs to be motivated to change - you cannot force him even though you know it is in his own best interest.

If he is lucky and he can take a significant chunk of weight off fairly quickly he may be able to reverse his symptoms.

Summary: I would address the psychological reasons that he is over 20 stone before trying to change what he eats. Once he is willing to lose weight, then he is more likely to be open to dietary changes.

Hope this helps.

LGC
 
himtoo said:
Hi Kingsland
i really feel for you -- doing your best to do the right thing and not getting anywhere.

You could try telling your husband that Diabetes is the largest single cause of amputations and one of the leading causes of blindness , along with kidney failure , strokes , and heart attacks. -- and that it is very much a silent killer until often it is too late.

none of us are immortal but those of us that actively manage our condition stand a much better chance of delaying or stopping these complications altogether
i wish you all the best :)
Click to expand...
Not to mention the poor family that was bereaved due to the husbands not taking t2 diabetes seriously...he lost a few pounds in weight carried on eating the " healthy plate" and died from a silent heart attack in his sleep three months later having regained the little weight he'd lost....i feel sorry for his widow and children
 
Great post @LittleGreyCat I agree sometimes you have to go in under stealth, doing things from A to B rather than A to Z in one massive swoop
 
I had kinder the same problem as your husband ... was 19st when just over a year ago was told I was T2 ... then told to use the eat by the well plate advice to loose weight ... thinking brilliant .. I can eat loads more carbs than the wife allows .. I set to eating and not testing bs as the DBN advise (quite forcibly told to do this, after I said to the DSN that it lots more than I do normally eat !) So off I went ..and ate more carbs as told ... turned a blind eye to the wife's pleading for me to stop this new eating plan ... So within three months I had got my weight up to 21st and trebled my blood sugar reading at the Drs. I was becoming very unwell ....... much to the joy of my DSN !!!!!!

Only then did I let the wife step in ... eating the LCHF diet and regular testing I have lost almost 6st now ..feel great .. all by bloods are normal ....

So think you need to wait until he's ready to make the change .. from ill health to healthy .. the wife packed my bag and told me to get out as she would not stand by and watch me killing my self with food !!!!!! but we have been together so many years she knows how to keep things right when upsetting the applecart.
hope he sees sense s:confused::confused:n
 
As far as the OP, don't try to turn your life upside down and live in misery while you try to help your husband. It will frustrate you and make you resentful of him. This is HIS diagnosis, not yours. That does not mean that you don't support him and love him along this journey, but you can't make him want it. He has to want it for himself to be successful. And it make take some time before he is ready to accept his diabetes and be personally accountable for his diagnosis. Good luck to you.





Edited by Mod to remove answer to a spammer.
 
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