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Finally making the decision to talk...

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by Pheebs, Feb 17, 2011.

  1. Pheebs

    Pheebs · Member

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    Hey everyone. After taking a slow interest in Diabetes (I've been type 1 for 5 years) I stumbled across this forum and became inspired and indeed motivated to make more of an effort with myself and my disease. I'm not the world's most saintly type 1, my last hba1c came back at 8.1, not the best it has ever been but certainly not the worst. After reading some of the things you guys talk about me I wanted to share a little of my experience and see if any of you feel or have felt the same.
    I was diagnosed in March 2006 with fasting bloods of 30.1mmol/L, I was ignorant to Diabetes, I had no idea what it entailed. My first question was "is this my fault? Could I have prevented it?". The simple answer was no, it can happen to the best of us, and the worst. The hospital believed my Diabetes was triggered by a nasty strain of the influenza virus I contracted 3 months prior. Whether there is any truth in that I don't know. Anyway, after my visit to hospital I came home none the wiser, not because the health professionals hadn't explained to me but because I didn't want to listen. I begrudgingly plodded through the next month taking 2 injections a day, of what I cannot remember. Although I do recall running way into the 20's most days. No wonder I felt cr*p! With GCSE's looming I decided to go to back to the doctors and reasses my options. I then changed to Novorapid 3 times a day and Levemir once per day. I again plodded through my Diabetic existence willing someone I knew to have Diabetes so I wouldn't be so alone, so when I had a hypo or felt irritable because of the fluctuation in my blood sugar someone would understand how it actually felt. I hated any sympathy from people, the "there there" stares when you devour a bottle of lucozade, eyes glazed over and shaking like a rabbit in headlights. I wanted complete empathy from someone - but I didn't want to talk about it. The next couple of years got worse, I smoke and drink and I persistently revolted against my Diabetes going as far as to refuse to inject for over a month. Sure, I liked the weight I lost but I felt like I was dying inside. I did this a couple of times in my teens, not to lose weight, that was never the aim, I wanted to prove to everyone that I didn't need the injections, I wanted to BELIEVE I was like everyone else still, that all of these people were trying to scare me with stories of blindness and limb loss. I was lucky, I didn't do myself any permanent damage and now looking back I just want to slap myself. But I was so headstrong, it's taken me years to get to the point where I even want to talk about any of this, I have consistently bottled it up and shrugged it off.
    The only time I've actively spoke up about Diabetes is when I've been confronted with someone who was Type 2 at the age of 20. He thought it was funny and refused to change his 6000 calorie a day lifestyle. He weighed in at 25 stone. Over the years, what has frustrated me most (second to having the disease) is the way people assume all Diabetics are the same, that we have all caused ourselves to be this way through lack of exercise and overeating. It couldn't be further from the truth for most of us.
    I now do my insulin every time I eat, I check my bloods regularly and exercise as and when my free time will allow, although I do prefer taking the 3 dogs for a long walk rather than jumping on a treadmill. I smoke, too much. And drink, too much. I get mad about lipodystrophy, hypos make me want to eat everyone out of house and home and I always overtreat them (still not got the hang of that), hypers make me agitated and grumpy and the restrictions on my car license make me rage, along with the extra insurance I have to pay because i'm "high risk". I still get frustrated going for my Diabetic appointments, especially when they ask how many units I inject a day. How long is a piece of string? It greatly depends on what I eat!
    But for me now, the most important thing in my life is enjoying the time I have, not making myself feel like a pin cushion or constantly fretting that my Diabetes will get in the way of something I enjoy. I'm not going to declare my love and acceptance for Diabetes, I don't love it and I still don't accept it. I'm not sure I ever will, but it does help knowing I'm not alone :)
     
  2. MegaMan

    MegaMan Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Not much to say but nice read and welcome aboard the diabetic train [​IMG]
     
  3. SophiaW

    SophiaW Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Pheebs, I'm glad you are taking better care of yourself now. Welcome to the forum :)
     
  4. daisy1

    daisy1 Type 2 · Legend

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    Hi Pheebs - and welcome to the forum. :) I'm glad you have started taking proper care of yourself now. You're not on your own any more - we are all like you - just human beings and none of us are perfect. For all of us some days are better than others. Have a good read around and ask as many questions as you like - we are all here for you. :)
     
  5. lee39

    lee39 · Active Member

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    hi pheebs nice post i was diagnosed this week type1 and been through alot of emotions you described already this week :( but reading yours and others posts gives me hope it not the end of good days for me.
     
  6. Pheebs

    Pheebs · Member

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    Thanks for all the kind welcomes :) And Lee, it most definitely isn't the end of good days for you. There will be days where you think it is and you'll resent more than other times, but the important thing to remember is that you control it. It doesn't control you. That's easy to say when I'm not sat having a hypo for what appears to be no reason whatsoever (see, look at me having my resentful day), but hang in there, it gets better eventually :)
     
  7. Levy

    Levy Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Pheebs welcome to the forum! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was the same as you for a long time. I was diagnosed 8 years ago and have only recently (admittedly after joining this forum) started taking proper care of myself. I was 14 when I was diagnosed, just a stubborn teenager who just wanted to be like everyone else. I always ate what I wanted and regularly forgot to inject myself. My HBa1C results have never been the worst either (the highest I've ever been after my diagnose is 10.5 and the lowest 7.6) but definitely not good. Especially when I was at uni, living away from home, I just went on and pretended that I was normal, like everyone else. I've just never really learned to accept it or to talk to anyone about it. I've never had any friends who also had diabetes, so I've never had anyone else to talk about it.

    A few months ago I decided it was enough, and started to confront it. Things have been going quite well for me, especially since I joined this forum and met a few really nice people to talk to. I will also be given a pump next month, so hopefully my control will be a lot better!

    It used to make me really frustrated and depressed when I started thinking about my diabetes and my future, but now I'm seeing things a lot more positive! I have my can do attitude back and it's definitely me in control now!

    You're certainly not alone Pheebs!
     
  8. Pheebs

    Pheebs · Member

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    I think for young people dealing with Diabetes is a lot like giving up cigarettes, it's not something that will just happen for most of us. It's taken me a while, like you, but it sounds like we're both just about ready to confront it. Glad you're feeling more positive.
     
  9. Levy

    Levy Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Yeah you're right, all feels really unfair when you're young and want to do what everybody else does.. Happy we managed to pick ourselves up! Knowing that you're not alone does really help.

    All I think now is: bring it on, I can deal with it! :lol:
     
  10. lee39

    lee39 · Active Member

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    hi pheebs thx again 4 advice as a newbie 2 this can you tell me how long it takes 2 get insulin under control at moment they got me on 70/30 mix twice a day i have 18 in morning and 20 at night but blood is still averaging between 10 and 16.
    thx
    lee
     
  11. Pheebs

    Pheebs · Member

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    Wow you must be feeling pretty pants. They've put you on the same as what I had when I was first diagnosed. I didn't get on with it at all as I found it very inconvenient having to eat meals at set times so I pushed for the 4 a day injections, basically inject every time you eat. My bloods were always high on that one too. If you can, ask for a referral to a DAFNE course, i'm promised it's going to help. I've put mine off for years due to lack of interest but am finally going next month. A lot of it is trial and error, finding out your limits. If you've just been diagnosed you're likely to still be in the honeymoon period whereby your pancreas still produces a little bit of insulin, just not a sufficient amount to keep you from falling ill. Don't take what the doctors and nurses say as gospel. Everyone reacts to insulin differently and have different tolerances, for instance what I inject will probably be too much for you. Maybe inject a little bit more, but make sure you test regularly to see what your bloods are doing. That way you can keep on top of what's happening.
     
  12. lee39

    lee39 · Active Member

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    yeah they told me its gonna take a while to even out i dont feel to bad at mo was gonna go back to work a week monday just feel tired.I hope everything goes well for you and hopefuly we can keep in touch via forum.
    thx again
    lee
     
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