VioletViolet I hate to say it, but I honestly thought that too! It was a massive impact today, totally out of the blue. And genuinely, there are narcissistic tendencies involved here, it didn't make sense to me that she kept it secret for 3yrs. Then I considered that it might be that, because she usually does this type of dramatic delivery - she initiates scenes and scenarios to focus on her, so something that initiates drama or some form of validation where attention is on her on a regular basis. We've had all the tactics over the years, triangulation, flying monkeys, drama/attention seeking, psychological manipulation, extreme control. When I asked her why she hadn't told me about her diabetes for 3 years (inc through my Dad's bad experience) she turned it around on me, and said the reason was that she didn't want to add to the daily stresses - she knows I handle everything so there was no stress. I love her very very much, but I know her character and her traits/behaviours having been on the receiving end of much of that, so I can spot it a mile off nowadays.
You're absolutely right, I can't change her, but I can change my reactions to her. I think maybe I need to back off and let her get on with however she wants to help herself, or not maybe. It's difficult though. I'm an empath so I always like to 'help'. It did take me by surprise , so my emotions were caught off guard with the way she just threw in the response to me saying she def should get checked because those symptoms sound like diabetes , she responded "oh well I've not told you this, but I already am diabetic. Have been for a long while"... I was speechless, then asked her if she was joking, because I couldn't get my head around it. Yep, bad response but I actually did get angry - with frustration - she just sat there with a smirk.
I think you're right, focus on keeping myself on track, that needs to be the main focus I guess, and hope she works out a way to help herself. Yeesh, families!!!!
