From the "Have I Got News For You" Twitter account:
BREAKING: Boris Johnson denies hosting quiz at No 10, as it was actually an emergency Cobra meeting to determine which Irish singer-songwriter released the 1990 hit single ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’.
As the government confirms school nativity plays can go ahead as long as parents wear protection, B&Q immediately sells out of industrial earplugs.
As Sweden’s Prime Minister resigns after less than 12 hours, Ikea shoppers say they’ve spent far longer than that failing to put a cabinet together.
As air travel to the US reopens, Prince Andrew pledges allegiance to Insulate Britain and glues himself to the M25.