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Humour

chris lowe said:
When he was about four, my sons favourite joke was What to you call two thieves? A pair of nickers! then he would hold his hand over his mouth & giggle because he said a "rude" word
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that's so sweeeeeet!
 
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop ? 'Shoe'

What do you do if a bird poo's on your car, don't ask her out again !

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup ? Anyone can make roast beef.

What makes a forum ? a two -um plus a two - um
 
Doctor, I've terrible heartburn!
Nonsense Jeannie!, put your bra on & take your breasts out of the porridge!
 
A friend wrote them on a card for me last year, thought they might brighten up that 'Monday morning' feeling
 
Robinredbreast said:
A friend wrote them on a card for me last year, thought they might brighten up that 'Monday morning' feeling
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My favorite period of the week... Oh, you guys now this is a joke. As my pic says, and this goes to some of my colleagues, we try our best to get started. Though sometimes we have help with it. I do not mean coffee, but little jokes like: "the batteries in my machine are dead as a dodo"
 
 
A couple goes to a fair every year. And, every year, the man wants to ride an airplane.

The wife says, "We've talked about this. £20 is £20."

A pilot overhears their conversation and tells them, "I will make you a deal. I will take you up in the plane. And if you do not say a word, it is free. If you say one word, it is £20."

They get in, and he goes up, and does loops and dives - the man says nothing.

When they land, the pilot says, "Wow, I was sure you would say something."

The man replies, "Well, I did think about it when my wife fell out, but £20 is £20."
 

A group of Canadians were travelling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making,
explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
 
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