I’m scared to marry a diabetic person

[Keevenii]

Hi,

I was dating a guy(25M) for almost 7 months, then he left for his masters to another country. After that we both decided to move on and had not spoken for almost 8 to 9 months. Last month he suddenly came back and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and get married. I was very happy about that as we were not talking only because we were not interested in long distance relationship that time, otherwise we are very compatible and great together. As we were considering getting back together he suddenly tells me that he is diabetic. He got is 5 years back and he has not performed the test to see if it’s type 1 or type 2. But he told me that the test process was draining him and also the doctor thought it was type 2. Initially when he was diagnosed he has been taking insulin injections everyday after a while when is sugar levels were under control the doctors reduced his dosage. When I asked him about his current medication he told me that he is taking insulin but not everyday. He is saying that he takes them when he eats too much carbs or sugar, on average he is taking insulin 4 to 5 times a month.

I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right.

 

[ElenaP]

Hi,

I was dating a guy(25M) for almost 7 months, then he left for his masters to another country. After that we both decided to move on and had not spoken for almost 8 to 9 months. Last month he suddenly came back and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and get married. I was very happy about that as we were not talking only because we were not interested in long distance relationship that time, otherwise we are very compatible and great together. As we were considering getting back together he suddenly tells me that he is diabetic. He got is 5 years back and he has not performed the test to see if it’s type 1 or type 2. But he told me that the test process was draining him and also the doctor thought it was type 2. Initially when he was diagnosed he has been taking insulin injections everyday after a while when is sugar levels were under control the doctors reduced his dosage. When I asked him about his current medication he told me that he is taking insulin but not everyday. He is saying that he takes them when he eats too much carbs or sugar, on average he is taking insulin 4 to 5 times a month.

I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right.

Are you now living in a country with a decent health service, so that your prospective partner can be tested?

 

[Keevenii]

Are you now living in a country with a decent health service, so that your prospective partner can be tested?

We could get tested but he says the process is draining him out and he does not want to do it now.

 

[ElenaP]

We could get tested but he says the process is draining him out and he does not want to do it now.

At least in the UK, a simple blood test will show if someone has Type1 diabetes. Type 2 is the most common, but there are other diabetes types, less common. Perhaps someone else will pick this up, to give you more details.

 

[PenguinMum]

We could get tested but he says the process is draining him out and he does not want to do it now.

Maybe he is scared and in denial but Diabetes can get complicated if you don’t address the issue. As already suggested get tested to find out type and then maybe you can convince him to tackle it with your support. One of the best things he could do is come on this site and read around to get info. Then he could join and ask any specific questions or just ask for support. Members on here are non judgemental because we have all walked the walk and we aren’t saints, we fall off the wagon sometimes and find it challenging. But though you could be a real help to support him he has to make that move to manage his condition. Best wishes.

 

[Keevenii]

Maybe he is scared and in denial but Diabetes can get complicated if you don’t address the issue. As already suggested get tested to find out type and then maybe you can convince him to tackle it with your support. One of the best things he could do is come on this site and read around to get info. Then he could join and ask any specific questions or just ask for support. Members on here are non judgemental because we have all walked the walk and we aren’t saints, we fall off the wagon sometimes and find it challenging. But though you could be a real help to support him he has to make that move to manage his condition. Best wishes.

He tells me that he is getting his sugar levels tested and taking insulin when he needs it(I’m not sure that’s the right way). Also he says is working out and watching his diet. But I hear you.

 

[Zhnyaka]

I would say that his diabetes is his problem, not yours. He can join this or a similar forum, read good books and articles about diabetes (there are really a lot of them), talk to a doctor about his condition, but he should do it, not you. You will not force him to take tests or visit a doctor, and if you try to control him as a child, it will only kill your love. At least I would advise you to live together for at least a year without getting married and understand what living together with each other is. And if you want children, know that diabetes can be inherited, yes, not always, as a percentage, you can read here https://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-and-genetics.html, but if a child has diabetes, then this will be your problem, because children cannot cope with it themselves until they are small.

It seems strange to me that he does not take insulin every day, usually insulin injections are given several times a day. But if it's several times a month and he's still alive, it's not like T1, because with such treatment, T1 would already be in a coma.

 

[HSSS]

Unless there are solid practical reasons for not testing and treating (unavailable or cost) then I’m going to be harsh and say you need to ask if this is the person you want to spend your life with. He is not addressing a potentially serious health condition. That’s different to trying but not yet succeeding. If you marry the repercussions of that will affect you too. Will he have the same head in the sand/denial approach to other life issues you may face as a couple and if so that’s a big red flag to me? More generously against that you need to weight the fact you love him and the stress of such a condition can be very hard and draining and maybe all he needs is some loving support to face up to it and he’ll be fine.only you know him well enough to know which situation this is.

Only using insulin infrequently for 5 years makes that very unlikely to be type 1. Being type 2 so young (assuming same age ish as you) isn’t common though and diet really needs to be a major factor in management. Most type 2, especially those young and not decades into the condition are not on insulin. There are lots of methods and medications before this.

Regardless of your choice for a relationship it’s in his best health interests to learn more about his condition. That means type, and options for management both lifestyle, drugs and daily testing.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Hi,

I was dating a guy(25M) for almost 7 months, then he left for his masters to another country. After that we both decided to move on and had not spoken for almost 8 to 9 months. Last month he suddenly came back and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and get married. I was very happy about that as we were not talking only because we were not interested in long distance relationship that time, otherwise we are very compatible and great together. As we were considering getting back together he suddenly tells me that he is diabetic. He got is 5 years back and he has not performed the test to see if it’s type 1 or type 2. But he told me that the test process was draining him and also the doctor thought it was type 2. Initially when he was diagnosed he has been taking insulin injections everyday after a while when is sugar levels were under control the doctors reduced his dosage. When I asked him about his current medication he told me that he is taking insulin but not everyday. He is saying that he takes them when he eats too much carbs or sugar, on average he is taking insulin 4 to 5 times a month.

I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right.

I dove headlong into diabetes-research, not to fix myself, but to fix myself for my husband. Because I saw my aunt have to drag my legless uncle from the bed onto a loo. Because I saw various family members die because they didn't handle their diabetes well at all, and their hearts gave out. Diabetic complications don't come on in a heartbeat, they can mean years of misery, for the patient and their loved ones. And if he's sticking his head in the sand, while the likelihood, considering his intermittent insulin needs indicate it's probably not T1 (or he'd quite likely be dead), is that he can completely reverse the condition if it is T2...! He just has to have a reason to want it badly enough. ( https://josekalsbeek.blogspot.com/2019/11/the-nutritional-thingy.html would make a massive difference, most likely!)

The worry wouldn't be whether you want to marry a diabetic. The question is, do you want to marry a diabetic in denial? One who finds excuses not to have a blood draw that takes less than a minute to be done, because it's "exhausting"? Talk about it. Diabetics can have long, healthy lives, with little to no complications... But not if they stick their heads in the sand and simply go "Jesus, take the wheel". It's a big thing to ask of someone. If he loves you, use that as leverage

It either will save his life, and his quality of life, or you dodge one heck of a bullet.

I hope he has the wisdom to see what he's got in you.
Hugs,
Jo

Edited by mod to remove profanity

 

[eventhorizon]

***I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right***

I think you already know and if I were you I would be very concerned. But we don't make choices when we fall for someone. He needs to get his act together and at least prove he will look after a serious lifelong medical condition.

A few things don't add up about his treatment, as first steps he needs to find out what type of diabetes he has and how to manage it. If he won't do that for your piece of mind at the very least then you think very carefully about making a massive commitment to this chap.

Best of luck and happy new year!

 

[jonathan183]

He got is 5 years back and he has not performed the test to see if it’s type 1 or type 2. But he told me that the test process was draining him and also the doctor thought it was type 2. Initially when he was diagnosed he has been taking insulin injections everyday after a while when is sugar levels were under control the doctors reduced his dosage. When I asked him about his current medication he told me that he is taking insulin but not everyday. He is saying that he takes them when he eats too much carbs or sugar, on average he is taking insulin 4 to 5 times a month.

I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right.

Testing for antibodies can become less reliable the longer it is left after initial diagnosis - high antibodies would confirm autoimmune component but not all antibodies are detected. A c-peptide test may help confirm if type 2 or something else.

Testing can help establish the correct treatment and specific things to watch out for. If the test results do not affect the treatment then they have limited use.

Has he been told for specific things to do or things to watch out for ?

 

[Danmiluk]

Hi,

I was dating a guy(25M) for almost 7 months, then he left for his masters to another country. After that we both decided to move on and had not spoken for almost 8 to 9 months. Last month he suddenly came back and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and get married. I was very happy about that as we were not talking only because we were not interested in long distance relationship that time, otherwise we are very compatible and great together. As we were considering getting back together he suddenly tells me that he is diabetic. He got is 5 years back and he has not performed the test to see if it’s type 1 or type 2. But he told me that the test process was draining him and also the doctor thought it was type 2. Initially when he was diagnosed he has been taking insulin injections everyday after a while when is sugar levels were under control the doctors reduced his dosage. When I asked him about his current medication he told me that he is taking insulin but not everyday. He is saying that he takes them when he eats too much carbs or sugar, on average he is taking insulin 4 to 5 times a month.

I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right.

Personally, if my potential other half is not bothered about a serious medical problem, then you’ve got to think to yourself, Is he going to bother about anything in life.
My wife is my support on my journey through my diabetes and my taking ownership is my choice.

Edited by moderator to remove paragraph that was against forum rules

 

[Keevenii]

Testing for antibodies can become less reliable the longer it is left after initial diagnosis - high antibodies would confirm autoimmune component but not all antibodies are detected. A c-peptide test may help confirm if type 2 or something else.

Testing can help establish the correct treatment and specific things to watch out for. If the test results do not affect the treatment then they have limited use.

Has he been told for specific things to do or things to watch out for ?

Thank you very much!!!
He just told me that his doctors asked him to monitor his blood sugar and have a healthy lifestyle.

 

[Keevenii]

***I’m really confused after listening to whatever he said, I surfed a lot about diabetes and I’m very scared to get back with him. I’m scared that he is not being serious. I need a clarification about his case and I want to know if he is handling it right***

I think you already know and if I were you I would be very concerned. But we don't make choices when we fall for someone. He needs to get his act together and at least prove he will look after a serious lifelong medical condition.

A few things don't add up about his treatment, as first steps he needs to find out what type of diabetes he has and how to manage it. If he won't do that for your piece of mind at the very least then you think very carefully about making a massive commitment to this chap.

Best of luck and happy new year!

Thank you !!!

 

[PenguinMum]

Thank you very much!!!
He just told me that his doctors asked him to monitor his blood sugar and have a healthy lifestyle.

I don’t want to add to your anxiety but its not as simple as that. It is vital his Dr finds out if he has T1 or T2 as they are very different. As a general cover all living a healthy life is good advice but you need to do more than that. He should be having annual eye screening, regular A1cs and general blood panel work and be seeing a Diabetes nurse for check ups. Its possible to manage Diabetes well but you must be on it and take it seriously or complications can creep in.
I wonder if your partner is talking it down because he doesn’t want you to worry.
Best wishes.

 

[Deleted member 527103]

It is vital his Dr finds out if he has T1 or T2 as they are very different.

I don't disagree that T1 and T2 are different and require different treatment.
However, given the comments above about the validity of GAD and c-peptide tests, "finding out" may just be a case of suck it and guess.

My diagnosis of Type 1 was 20 years ago before GAD and c-Peptide were regularly used. It was considered unusual at that time for someone of my age (mid-30s) to get Type 1. However, my GP decided it had to be the case for me because I was "too slim and active" to have type 2. In other words, she guessed and got it right. Others were not so lucky and needed to push for the correct diagnosis after the "suck and see" type 2 guess was invalid.
In this case the OP's partner needs to have the interest in their condition to push for a different guess from their doctor.