To be honest, I feel like I am losing my mind to anxiety and fear and I am not really coping, to be honest. I seem to have no control over my body and what it does. I have lost my courage. Thanks for asking x
I remember that feeling, it does seem that the speed of your racing anxiety just won't stop, continuously asking yourself if you are getting it right or can I do something else to make it better, make me feel better, will this train of thought slow down, let me get off, I want a bit of peace, a lot of stuff all at once, I need to do something, I want to do it but what if I can't or fail or its too much!
First, talk to someone, you can trust.
Second, sit down, lie down, stop.
There is nothing that cannot wait till sometime later, tomorrow, if then.
There is nothing that will stop your brain, except using a calming tool, like a breathing exercise, or finding your calm place. A tool to help you cope with your issues.
Do what is next one at a time, or go for a walk or watch a favourite television programme, film, documentary.
Relax, get some me time. If something wants doing ask someone else to do it!
I have faced some nightmare scenarios for me, it has taken over two years to get here and I still have reservations about certain aspects of my life and what my life has been.
I am still empty inside regarding my work life. My family, friends, counsellors, and others including former colleagues have helped so much.
There are many options open to you, use them, asking for help is needed and should be given in my experience.
You can get through this. I know how that doesn't seem possible sometimes. But it is. You have a future, you really should want to. It is there when you want it.
Get off that train, take a break, relax, baby steps, use your experience of helping posters on here. Just don't give up!
Hugs and best wishes.