Is it my fault

Lindad said:

Hi everyone. I know this a daft question but I feel I must ask as I am getting quite upset. I have been type 1 for 37 years. My eldest son type 1 for 17 years. Today my youngest son who is 30 went to the Doctors for a new patient check and was told it's possible he has Diabetes. He's got to fast from 10pm and go back in the morning for blood test.
My question........ Is this all my fault

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Hi no you shouldn't blame yourself!

Lindad said:

I know deep down its not my fault but you're right there's this guilt thing as a parent. It's just have they got weak immune systems from me?

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I felt guilt as well, because my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter was diagnosed type 1 and it made me so upset because she was so desperately ill. She is now 7 and leads a normal, happy life. It can be hard, but try not to be too hard on yourself.
Best wishes RRB

Sorry you feel this way, being diagnosed can open up so many questions. Think of the experience and support you can offer your sons, you are an expert and can offer so much valuable support to them

Lindad said:

I know deep down its not my fault but you're right there's this guilt thing as a parent. It's just have they got weak immune systems from me?

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Of course, you have to realize that it's not your fault morally. That part needs to be understood and has nothing to do with what else I'm about to say.

It is important that your sons understand that type 1 is hereditary and the chances of them passing it along to their children is significantly higher than people without type 1 in their family. In the event one of your sons were to marry some else with type 1 the chance of them having a type 1 child could be as high as 1 in 4.

@Lindad I do sympathise with your guilt feelings. My daughter has a severe chromosome abnormality, and even when tests showed it wasn't inherited I still kept worrying about what I might have done to cause - or even deserve - it. But we parents need to keep remembering that causation is not the same thing as fault: we aren't to blame for anything in our genes - except of course when we're taking the credit for our children's exceptional brilliance, athletic prowess and good looks that they obviously inherited from us

Kate

@Lindad The question is interesting. Do you blame your parents for creating you, do they feel guilty for making you? the answer is no, without them your world would not be the same. Genetics is a mystery as to why some genes carry and others do not. Nothing is a guarantee. Their mutations could have nothing to do with you. So no, do not feel guilty. Enjoy them and guide them because you know what its like. Support them and love them.

Hi @Lindad , No, it's not. I doubt that Type 1 is hereditary, myself and my brother were both diagnosed T1 in our 40s. There are no diabetes in our family whatsoever, as far and wide as I can trace it anyway. No T1 and no T2. Our other siblings are in their 40s and 50s and diabetes free. In my opinion they're still guessing as to what causes it.

Don't blame yourself. Your sons wouldn't want you to, I can be sure of that!

Hi @Lindad, this is not your fault, in the same way that your own diagnosis is not your fault and neither is it either of your son's faults. I think it's natural to have these feelings, particularly as we still don't understand enough about what brings on t1 diabetes.

I am t1 and the only one in my family with diabetes (t1 or t2), and was diagnosed a little over a year ago at the age of 29. Of course, diagnosis is difficult, but I am so so grateful that I developed it now rather than when I was child or teenager (every cloud ☺).

I know it's hard, but try not to be so hard on yourself. I think you know in yourself that there's nothing you could have done to prevent this (and vice versa, you can't bring it on either). Be strong and continue being a fantastic mum. Your youngest son is lucky to have 2 family members who understand and can give advice, and of course to provide the support he needs. All the best x x

Hi I'm type 2 so was my father my uncle
And most of his kids but we dont blame
Anyone .live life to the limit

You can't blame yourself for something you didn't wish to be inflicted upon them I'm sure if anything, they are glad that someone (you) with a similar experience is of immediate reach to them and they can count on you for great advice about how to manage diabetes!