1. Get the Diabetes Forum App for your phone - available on iOS and Android.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Guest, we'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the Diabetes Forum Survey 2021 »
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Diabetes Forum should not be used in an emergency and does not replace your healthcare professional relationship. Posts can be seen by the public.
    Dismiss Notice
  4. Guest, stay home, stay safe, save the NHS. Stay up to date with information about keeping yourself and people around you safe here and GOV.UK: Coronavirus (COVID-19). Think you have symptoms? NHS 111 service is available here.
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Find support, ask questions and share your experiences. Join the community »

Is it my fault

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by Lindad, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Lindad

    Lindad Type 1 · Member

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    Hi everyone. I know this a daft question but I feel I must ask as I am getting quite upset. I have been type 1 for 37 years. My eldest son type 1 for 17 years. Today my youngest son who is 30 went to the Doctors for a new patient check and was told it's possible he has Diabetes. He's got to fast from 10pm and go back in the morning for blood test.
    My question........ Is this all my fault
     
  2. Bakerjass

    Bakerjass Type 1 · Active Member

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Hi no you shouldn't blame yourself!
     
  3. Lindad

    Lindad Type 1 · Member

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    I know deep down its not my fault but you're right there's this guilt thing as a parent. It's just have they got weak immune systems from me?
     
  4. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

    Messages:
    18,448
    Likes Received:
    27,584
    Trophy Points:
    298
    I felt guilt as well, because my 2 1/2 year old granddaughter was diagnosed type 1 and it made me so upset because she was so desperately ill. She is now 7 and leads a normal, happy life. It can be hard, but try not to be too hard on yourself.
    Best wishes RRB
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  5. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
    Retired Moderator

    Messages:
    8,336
    Likes Received:
    6,660
    Trophy Points:
    198
    Sorry you feel this way, being diagnosed can open up so many questions. Think of the experience and support you can offer your sons, you are an expert and can offer so much valuable support to them ;)
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. Lindad

    Lindad Type 1 · Member

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    I know you're all right. He went to doctors again this morning for blood test. They've told him it could be a week before his results come in. Just hope it was just one of those things and he's gonna be ok
     
  7. TorqPenderloin

    TorqPenderloin Type 1 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    2,189
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Of course, you have to realize that it's not your fault morally. That part needs to be understood and has nothing to do with what else I'm about to say.

    It is important that your sons understand that type 1 is hereditary and the chances of them passing it along to their children is significantly higher than people without type 1 in their family. In the event one of your sons were to marry some else with type 1 the chance of them having a type 1 child could be as high as 1 in 4.
     
  8. kesun

    kesun Other · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    679
    Trophy Points:
    133
    @Lindad I do sympathise with your guilt feelings. My daughter has a severe chromosome abnormality, and even when tests showed it wasn't inherited I still kept worrying about what I might have done to cause - or even deserve - it. But we parents need to keep remembering that causation is not the same thing as fault: we aren't to blame for anything in our genes - except of course when we're taking the credit for our children's exceptional brilliance, athletic prowess and good looks that they obviously inherited from us :D

    Kate
     
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Kyi

    Kyi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    902
    Trophy Points:
    133
    @Lindad The question is interesting. Do you blame your parents for creating you, do they feel guilty for making you? the answer is no, without them your world would not be the same. Genetics is a mystery as to why some genes carry and others do not. Nothing is a guarantee. Their mutations could have nothing to do with you. So no, do not feel guilty. Enjoy them and guide them because you know what its like. Support them and love them.
     
    • Like Like x 5
    • Winner Winner x 1
  10. Garr

    Garr Type 1 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    360
    Likes Received:
    425
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Hi @Lindad , No, it's not. I doubt that Type 1 is hereditary, myself and my brother were both diagnosed T1 in our 40s. There are no diabetes in our family whatsoever, as far and wide as I can trace it anyway. No T1 and no T2. Our other siblings are in their 40s and 50s and diabetes free. In my opinion they're still guessing as to what causes it.
     
  11. Rosbif

    Rosbif Prediabetes · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    503
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Don't blame yourself. Your sons wouldn't want you to, I can be sure of that!
     
  12. Erin85

    Erin85 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    209
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Hi @Lindad, this is not your fault, in the same way that your own diagnosis is not your fault and neither is it either of your son's faults. I think it's natural to have these feelings, particularly as we still don't understand enough about what brings on t1 diabetes.

    I am t1 and the only one in my family with diabetes (t1 or t2), and was diagnosed a little over a year ago at the age of 29. Of course, diagnosis is difficult, but I am so so grateful that I developed it now rather than when I was child or teenager (every cloud ☺).

    I know it's hard, but try not to be so hard on yourself. I think you know in yourself that there's nothing you could have done to prevent this (and vice versa, you can't bring it on either). Be strong and continue being a fantastic mum. Your youngest son is lucky to have 2 family members who understand and can give advice, and of course to provide the support he needs. All the best x x
     
  13. Kevo62

    Kevo62 · Newbie

    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    Hi I'm type 2 so was my father my uncle
    And most of his kids but we dont blame
    Anyone .live life to the limit
     
  14. fern000

    fern000 Type 1 · Member

    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    53
    You can't blame yourself for something you didn't wish to be inflicted upon them :( I'm sure if anything, they are glad that someone (you) with a similar experience is of immediate reach to them and they can count on you for great advice about how to manage diabetes!
     
  • Meet the Community

    Find support, connect with others, ask questions and share your experiences with people with diabetes, their carers and family.

    Did you know: 7 out of 10 people improve their understanding of diabetes within 6 months of being a Diabetes Forum member. Get the Diabetes Forum App and stay connected on iOS and Android

    Grab the app!
  • Tweet with us

  • Like us on Facebook