is it your own fault

[Toby789]

The 'fat abuse' kind of prepared me for being heckled for being trans. Something which happens rather more frequently, these days. I've been this body shape since around 5 years old (stayed with grandparents for a while, and my grandmother didn't think I was happy unless I was eating.) So yes, I've grown up with the ridicule of my peers, rather than just strangers, and like to think I have a thicker skin as a result. One memory of primary school is regularly 'forgetting' my swimwear on swimming days, so that I didn't have to change in front of others. Children are, of course, pack animals (and schools allowed them to be, back then.) They pick on the different, be it body shape, race, or anything else that makes someone stand out from the crowd.

I now find myself in a situation where I've always considered myself massively overweight, and yet (based on the 2018 UK stats) if I were 2 inches taller, I'd be average BMI for my age group. (We are, of course, overweight as a nation.) School reunions are an eye opener, because I'm far from the fattest one there. I've also aged better than most.

People who haven't suffered from a serious addiction underestimate what a crutch these substances become. When you've watched a chronic alcoholic, who's been hospitalised with liver failure twice, respond to the news that they've mashed their liver up so badly that continuing to drink will kill them, by going on a drinking binge, you start to understand the smokers outside of the hospital. Whatever's put them in there (which might not even be smoking related) is likely causing them stress, and they need their crutch right now. And like Steve McCroskey in Airplane, that probably isn't the right time to quit anything (mentally, at least.)

There is, of course, nothing wrong with encouraging people to live healthier lifestyles, and applauding them when they do. It's just that Joe Public doesn't seem to know the difference between encouragement and shaming, and tends to use negativity as an enforcement tool. Yet when you make someone who comfort eats miserable, what do they do? Generally speaking, they go straight to the fridge. Fat shaming is actively counterproductive.

Sure all of us could be more perfect, and we should never stop striving, but importantly, you survived, which means you won and they lost. And that is a good thing.

 

[DCUKMod]

For me, in all of this, I just put one foot in front of the other each day, trying to be the best form of me, without mucking up the lives of other around me.

How that works? Well, sometimes better than others, as it involves compromises, from me, but also by my life partner too. He is a slim, fit, 73 year old, with A1cs lower than mine, eating and drinking, pretty much as he wishes.

Somehow, we have managed to rub along in all this, but I do think we need to find tolerance with each other, within whatever situation. That doesn't mean we always give in to the wishes of other, but we do take into account that whilst we might not always agree with it, others' ways of living are just as valid, to them, as ours are to us.

Change is hard. Very hard. As someone who spent years being paid to introduce and achieve changes in all manner of environments, from tech, to people, to culture, I quickly learned that no matter how excellent a change is, there will always be some who either will not or cannot achieve it. At that time. They may later or in another space, but 100% change is rarely, if ever, sustainable.

Are we to blame? Who cares? The important thing is how we move forward, not spending time flagellating ourselves about the past. We can't change that.

 

[Nicole T]

I'm sure it's been said before, and possibly better. But the way I'm looking at this now is that I am 'carbohydrate intolerant.' Other people are gluten intolerant or lactose intolerant. Depending on how seriously, it might be a trace that sets them off, or it might take a significant quantity. Carbohydrate intolerance really is no different.

Do we blame those with gluten and lactose intolerance for the fact that their body doesn't process these nutrients correctly? It's news to me if we do. So why would we blame carbohydrate intolerant people for their predicament?

Clearly, if you are carbohydrate intolerant, you can do yourself a lot of damage by eating too many carbs. But someone who isn't, can eat as many carbs as they want. So yes, you probably made your situation worse with bad diet, but you most certainly didn't create it.

The blame seems to revolve around the connection between eating too much, or the wrong things, and the high blood sugar levels resulting in those with a carbohydrate intolerance. And of course there's a connection between visceral fat and insulin resistance in those of us who are Type 2 and overweight. So weight and body fat distribution are factors.

But ultimately, the blame over diabetes, and lack of it over other forms of food intolerance, just amounts to a different flavour of fat shaming. In fact, I'd be curious to know whether thin diabetics get blamed (or blame themselves) as much for their condition as overweight ones do.

 

[HSSS]

I'd be curious to know whether thin diabetics get blamed (or blame themselves) as much for their condition as overweight ones do.

Well I do see a lot of “but I’m not fat” comments from newly diagnosed in here reflecting the preponderance of the fat causes diabetes thinking out there. It also suggests that perhaps there’s less self blame and more confusion about the cause for these people. Oddly it’s these same people that are the best teaching example that being obese is not a prerequisite for type 2 and therefore not always or directly a cause either. They are forced to look for other reasons and causes beyond flat and lazy we all should be doing.

When people that have only known me since my weight loss hear about my type 2 they often comment “but you’re not fat” too. (could still benefit from another stone off but just about in the normal bmi). Same thing really.