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Alarm Fart - Starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, & ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. Sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you, you'll be alarmed.
Amplified Fart - Any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table, & empty 50 gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they're strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart..
Anticipated Fart - Warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd & who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted.
Bathtub Fart - A Bathtub Fart is something special. It is only fart you can see! What you see is bubbles. Can be either single or multiple noted & fair or foul as to odor. Farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong & one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping & a bunch of bubbles. Sound depends somewhat on depth of water, & even more on tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with funny legs you can get terrific sound effects.
Biggest Fart in World Fart - Can either be a group one or a group 2 fart & can occur just about anywhere. Can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic is it size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, & making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger & then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farters.
Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking & initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of rest of volume during next step: "brrrrrr..."
Bullet Fart - Its single & most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. Sounds like a rifle shot. Farter can be said to have snapped it off. Can startle spectators & farter alike. Fairly common following eating of more common fart foods, such as beans.
Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually an adult fart, occurring while driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. Smells a little like burning brakes, & seems to hang around longer than most farts, which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted.
Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group 2 fart. Very tricky. Meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, farter trying to fart at exact moment he slams car door shut. Usually a good loud fart. One of funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. A desperation fart.
Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with Did An Angel Speak Fart, it is soft & delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. Probably most shy of all farts & might be compared with wood thrush, a very shy bird. It doesn't have sly or cunning sound of Whisper Fart. A very small clear fart with no odor at all.
Chinese Firecracker Fart - An exceptional multiple noted fart identified by number, & variety of its noises, mostly pops & bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops & bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause.
Command Fart - Can be held for long periods of time waiting for right moment. It is intended to be noticed.
Crowd Fart - Distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. Trick here isn't to identify fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless farter panics, & starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at ceiling or sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one.
Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. They'll squirm & push their butt way down into cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair & ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much.
Did An Angel Speak Fart - Any loud fart in church.
Dud Fart - Isn't really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. The most private of all farts. Farter usually feels a little disappointed.
Echo Fart - A fart that makes its own echo. It is a 2-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, & then second tone.
G & L Fart - One of most ordinary & pedestrian of farts. Certainly it is the least gross. G & L stands for Gambled & Lost. One of most embarrassing farts, even when you're alone.
Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone & to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter & smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - Strictly an old lady's fart. Person manages to hiccough, sneeze, & fart all at same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she'll usually pat her chest & say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well."
Jerk Fart - A fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, & points to himself in case you missed it. Usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but jerk will act as if he just farted Biggest Fart in World Fart.
John Fart - Any ordinary fart farted on the john. Sound is somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to john amounted to he'll be disappointed for sure.
Lead Fart - Heaviest of all farts. Sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. The only fart that goes thud. Except for odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart.
Oh My God Fart - The most awful & dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
Organic Fart - Sometimes called Health Food Nut Fart. Person may be talking about healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good & pure & healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
Quiver Fart - When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is Scratchass Fart.
Rambling Phaduka Fart - One of most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter & spectator alike. Has a sound of pain to it. It is longest-lasting fart there is. Will sometimes leave farter unable to speak. As though he has had wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least 15 seconds.
Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is tremendous sense of relief that you've finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief."
Reluctant Fart - One of oldest farts known to man. Seems to have a mind of its own. Gives impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
Rusty Gate Fart - Sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is most dry & squeaky sound a fart can make. Sounds as if it would've worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. Sounds like a fart that hurts.
S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly.
Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back & scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart.
Shower Fart: These are a lot worse than bathtub farts, due to conditions of humidity & heat. George Carlin once said that you can tolerate smell of your own farts, but shower farts are exception to that rule.
Skillsaw Fart - An awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. Sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive.
Snart: A fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.
Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than Biggest Fart In World Fart. It is supposed to shake house & rattle windows.
Splatter Fart - Wettest of all farts. It probably shouldn't be called a fart at all.
Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. A fart that can't seem to get going. Sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, & only gets farted after considerable effort.
Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound & no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you'd rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone & not miss saying a word. If wind is right he'll never know.
Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you've farted & say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
Tickle Fart - A group one only & one of easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is fart for you!
Unconscious Fart - My friend is asleep & snoring & they let out a couple of farts without know it.
Amplified Fart - Any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table, & empty 50 gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they're strong through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart..
Anticipated Fart - Warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd & who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted.
Bathtub Fart - A Bathtub Fart is something special. It is only fart you can see! What you see is bubbles. Can be either single or multiple noted & fair or foul as to odor. Farter's location is what does it. Maybe there is a kind of muffled pong & one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping & a bunch of bubbles. Sound depends somewhat on depth of water, & even more on tub. If it is one of those big old heavy tubs with funny legs you can get terrific sound effects.
Biggest Fart in World Fart - Can either be a group one or a group 2 fart & can occur just about anywhere. Can be impressive. The most diagnostic characteristic is it size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines, & making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger & then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farters.
Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking & initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of rest of volume during next step: "brrrrrr..."
Bullet Fart - Its single & most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. Sounds like a rifle shot. Farter can be said to have snapped it off. Can startle spectators & farter alike. Fairly common following eating of more common fart foods, such as beans.
Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually an adult fart, occurring while driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. Smells a little like burning brakes, & seems to hang around longer than most farts, which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted.
Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group 2 fart. Very tricky. Meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, farter trying to fart at exact moment he slams car door shut. Usually a good loud fart. One of funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. A desperation fart.
Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with Did An Angel Speak Fart, it is soft & delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. Probably most shy of all farts & might be compared with wood thrush, a very shy bird. It doesn't have sly or cunning sound of Whisper Fart. A very small clear fart with no odor at all.
Chinese Firecracker Fart - An exceptional multiple noted fart identified by number, & variety of its noises, mostly pops & bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops & bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause.
Command Fart - Can be held for long periods of time waiting for right moment. It is intended to be noticed.
Crowd Fart - Distinguished by its very potent odor, strong enough to make quite a few people look around. Trick here isn't to identify fart but the farter. This is almost impossible unless farter panics, & starts a fit of coughing or starts staring at ceiling or sky as though something up there fascinates him. In which case he is the one.
Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. They'll squirm & push their butt way down into cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair & ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much.
Did An Angel Speak Fart - Any loud fart in church.
Dud Fart - Isn't really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. The most private of all farts. Farter usually feels a little disappointed.
Echo Fart - A fart that makes its own echo. It is a 2-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, & then second tone.
G & L Fart - One of most ordinary & pedestrian of farts. Certainly it is the least gross. G & L stands for Gambled & Lost. One of most embarrassing farts, even when you're alone.
Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone & to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter & smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.
Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - Strictly an old lady's fart. Person manages to hiccough, sneeze, & fart all at same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she'll usually pat her chest & say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well."
Jerk Fart - A fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, & points to himself in case you missed it. Usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but jerk will act as if he just farted Biggest Fart in World Fart.
John Fart - Any ordinary fart farted on the john. Sound is somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to john amounted to he'll be disappointed for sure.
Lead Fart - Heaviest of all farts. Sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. The only fart that goes thud. Except for odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart.
Oh My God Fart - The most awful & dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.
Organic Fart - Sometimes called Health Food Nut Fart. Person may be talking about healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good & pure & healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.
Quiver Fart - When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is Scratchass Fart.
Rambling Phaduka Fart - One of most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter & spectator alike. Has a sound of pain to it. It is longest-lasting fart there is. Will sometimes leave farter unable to speak. As though he has had wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least 15 seconds.
Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is tremendous sense of relief that you've finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief."
Reluctant Fart - One of oldest farts known to man. Seems to have a mind of its own. Gives impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
Rusty Gate Fart - Sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is most dry & squeaky sound a fart can make. Sounds as if it would've worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. Sounds like a fart that hurts.
S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly.
Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back & scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart.
Shower Fart: These are a lot worse than bathtub farts, due to conditions of humidity & heat. George Carlin once said that you can tolerate smell of your own farts, but shower farts are exception to that rule.
Skillsaw Fart - An awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. Sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive.
Snart: A fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.
Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than Biggest Fart In World Fart. It is supposed to shake house & rattle windows.
Splatter Fart - Wettest of all farts. It probably shouldn't be called a fart at all.
Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. A fart that can't seem to get going. Sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, & only gets farted after considerable effort.
Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound & no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you'd rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone & not miss saying a word. If wind is right he'll never know.
Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you've farted & say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!
Tickle Fart - A group one only & one of easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is fart for you!
Unconscious Fart - My friend is asleep & snoring & they let out a couple of farts without know it.
