Joke: Mid-Life Blues

[WantingAdvice]

Mid-life Blues

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We're no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we're flying squirrels in drag.

The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror & you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram & realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

In mid-life you're still a HOT babe, but now it comes in flashes.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top & scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, & those will, too!"

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor & you realize you're now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves & you're sitting on your biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself & your chins follow suit.

Mid-life is when you realize that if you were a dog, you'd need a control top flea collar.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenage & think: "For this I have stretch marks??"

Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's more like Splat!)

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing you can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally . . . more red & blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But, mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, & chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.

Would any of you trade the knowledge you have now for the body you had back then? Maybe our bodies have to expand to hold all the wisdom &d love we've acquired . . . anyway that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!