Jokes?

[JTL]

Guy walking down the street.
Sees a shop selling unusual pets.
Goes to have a look.
Fascinating place!
After looking around and talking about some of the unusual pets in the place he decides to buy a talking centipede.
Comes complete with a little white box to live in.
Guy gets home and finds a place to put the box and then says ... fancy coming to the pub with me?




Nothing ... silence.



Do you fancy coming down the pub with me for a pint or two he shouts.






Again silence.



He gets as close as he can to the box and bellows at the top of his voice ...
I'm going to the pub do you want to come?

A little voice comes back ... Give me a minute I'm trying to put my shoes on!

 

[JTL]

 

[Pollylocks]

Ha ha just seen this! reminds of this, I love the old childish ones...

What goes 98 stomp 99 stomp......a centipede putting on his boots before the footie match..

 

[JTL]

Guy phones home from work to his wife.
Darling I won't be home tonight hope you understand.
The boss has invited a couple of us to go fishing with a valued customer for the weekend ... this is the big chance I've been looking for for that promotion.;
Please pack me some stuff and I'll collect it late this afternoon.
Get my fishing tackle from the attic for me and pack that ready to go too.
Oh as an after thought please pack my red silk pyjamas too.
She thinks it a little odd he'd want red silk pyjamas but complies with his request.
Late Sunday evening he arrives home and his wife greets him and asks if he had a good time.
Hell yes I had a wonderful time.
Did you catch any fish?
Oh yes really impressed the boys with my fishing skills.
Why didn't you pack my silk pyjamas like I asked you?
I did ... in your tackle box .....