Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

pavlosn said:

I would interpret the doctor's statement as saying that testing only once a day, usually on waking up, is not sufficient. That the real damage is done by the peaks that follow carb intake with meals and that these can only be recognized by testing before and after each meal and only controlled by restricting the amount of carbs in our diet.

Pavlos

Click to expand...

An interesting point, it's all down to hermeneutics. Even stranger to tell someone who didn't have a BG meter at that point in time. The main thing is that as you say, testing is important and more than just at the same time every day, but before and after meals to get a handle of how different carbs affect you is better.

graj0 said:

An interesting point, it's all down to hermeneutics. Even stranger to tell someone who didn't have a BG meter at that point in time. The main thing is that as you say, testing is important and more than just at the same time every day, but before and after meals to get a handle of how different carbs affect you is better.

Click to expand...

That's how I would prefer to interpret what the doctor said but what I actually suspect he meant is that any testing is pointless as damage is inevitable.

It's just that I do not subscribe to this fatalistic view of diabetes so I prefer my former interpretation.

Pavlos

Ps I actually had to look "hermeneutics" up, it's a new word for me meaning "the study and interpretation of texts) despite being derived from the Greek word "erminia" meaning interpretation ( greek being my mother tongue)

Molly56 said:

@Enclave ...to briefly answer your question, my OH's birth sign is Aquarius......but what is perhaps more telling is that my birth sign is Virgo....perhaps that may just explain a few things...
Not sure how much I believe in birth signs etc but sometimes it just seems to hit the nail on the head....am sure someone will be along soon to assess the situation and our compatibility / incompatibility.....I look forward to hearing the verdicts....

Click to expand...

Aquarius....... arrr that explains a lot .. I am also Aquarius..... I will ask the wife how a virgo will cope with an Aquarius.... my wife is a crab ,, so can be a bit nippy .. but i just poor water over her

I personally feel that his children should be made fully aware, but that's because I would always expect my stepdad to be fully honest with me about anything to do with my mum's health and well being.

As for your OH, if he has to go on to insulin, then I suspect he will believe he can do it as and when etc, and won't keep to any regime that may be necessary and eating what he wants, when he wants. He may get lucky with his surgeon for his leg (as stated before, my orthapaeidic surgeon couldn't even recall operating on any diabetic with an hba1c less than 9.0. So he may still get a chance at the op, but his recovery could be hindered from his raised levels.

Molly, finally. Good for you for being so enthusiastic with your new enterprise. As they are handmade.. Make sure you emphasise this on your marketing information... I.e individually crafted by Molly.... Stunning bags. You are so talented. Sx

Enclave said:

Molly, ... What's your OH's birth sign ?

Click to expand...

?

Today, I was at a meeting and with a person that works with volunteers, and is trying to get funding to set up a diabetes group of volunteers.

It absolutely amazed me that she really does consider herself to be an expert on type 2 but during a chat she stated "of which sugars" and watching "sugars" in food. I said to he that it was "total carbs" is what you should be checking, not sugars. Another type 2 gentleman was there and agreed....

The lady concerned said "well, I never knew that".

It amazed me that this lady is genuinely thinking she is a type 2 "expert" going to be involved with trying to help diabetics and didn't know what carbs were... And she a long time diabetic too.

So, Molly... You're OH is not the only person that has misinterpreted things like hba1c wrongly. I was staggered today. I would have loved to have found out how she thought that "of which sugars" were the judge of foods rather than carbs.

She will get fundng on the basis if she is so unknowing about things she is safe to give money to, won't rock the boat of the nhs.

Mud Island Dweller said:

She will get fundng on the basis if she is so unknowing about things she is safe to give money to, won't rock the boat of the nhs.

Click to expand...

It scares the heck out of. She meant to be steering a group of diabetics in need of support and advice. Funded by a CCG and could do so much damage to others that will probably consist of non good hba1c patients. It's so sad to see CCG's going to pump good money after bad money!! They can give awful advice in the NHS and then when these patients can't get their hba1c'd down they are encouraged to go to CCG funded support groups run by aT2 without a clue. Truly scary.

pavlosn said:

. . . . . actually suspect he meant is that any testing is pointless as damage is inevitable.

It's just that I do not subscribe to this fatalistic view of diabetes so I prefer my former interpretation.

Ps I actually had to look "hermeneutics" up, it's a new word for me meaning "the study and interpretation of texts) despite being derived from the Greek word "erminia" meaning interpretation ( greek being my mother tongue)

Click to expand...

Me neither. In fact I'm pleased to say that after being type II for 17 years and having recently had a Treadmill ECG and a Heart Echo Cardiogram, my heart is in good shape and my arteries aren't clogged. Not bad for an old geezer (62 LOL).
Hermeneutics is a nice word because it's so concise. Indeed, one of the issues with the written word as a form of communication on things like forums is that it is so easy to mis-interpret.

:***:

Molly56 said:

@Enclave ....just wondered what particular traits you were referring to when you say 'that explains a lot'.....perhaps as a fellow Aquarian (with him, not me) you could expand on that a little ......it may just help me to work out what I am dealing with....

Click to expand...

Yes .. I can now see a lot of the way I am in him and his star sign being the same as mine explains why.
I do sometimes just give up .. Curl up in a ball and try to sleep any problems away.. I can also lash out verbally at my OH. I keep my worrys to myself .. The wife knows now when something is worrying me and will not leave me to sleep it away any more. Yes we do have a small amount of time when I am biting her head off ( her discription ) but after it helps clear my problems and we work together on sorting things out.
We had the mother and father of rows about the Drs advice on managing my DB .. Needless to say the Dr lost ... And I feel great now. I think if the wife was not a crab nipping away at my problems .. I could well just take to my bed .. Avoiding health problems and denying there was a problem. The wife did say your star sign needs perfection and order .. But you are very compatible with your OH's star sign.. So you just need to find a way to get through to him... She also said humour can help ... along with direct threats .. Like where she would take blood from if I did not test myself ...
It's not going to be easy, but he needs you to push, shove, bully and some laughter to pull him out of the way he's feeling ... Leaving him to it is just letting him sink deeper into his giving up mode...
Hope this helps a little ... Don't move him out .. Tidy him up ... If he want to say in bed then change the sheets under him .. To make him comfortable.. And bite his bum in the process :***:

I haven’t posted on here for a while, as I wanted to see how things panned out, particularly on return from holiday.

I’m fascinated by your ability not to address these issues with him directly. In smiling, ignoring and suggesting you’re as unconcerned as he is, you are facilitating his continued behaviour. I think the prospect of this guy changing, without some seismic event, is negligible. The seismic event might be a challenging outcome from one of his Consultant appointments, but I have my doubts. He may verbalise, at his various appointments that he will take action, but his repeated, historic inactions suggest any changes he makes are likely to be marginal and short-lived.

Obviously, I am a different person to both of you, as is my own OH. But, I believe that unless you bring this to a head, you are meandering into a situation where you will be his carer when the going gets tough. Not if, but when. If you’re not willing to address matters now, how do you think you will tackle it when he is in crisis?

If he has a limited relationship with his children, I would be astonished if that would change as and when he becomes needy, for whatever reason.

Now is the time for action. You have control of how this moves forward, but you are also avoiding taking control of your own life and aspirations. In my view, you are displaying your own form of avoidance.

I’m sorry of this all sounds harsh, but it is my view, and it is unchallenged by anything I have read..

AndBreathe said:

I haven’t posted on here for a while, as I wanted to see how things panned out, particularly on return from holiday.

I’m fascinated by your ability not to address these issues with him directly. In smiling, ignoring and suggesting you’re as unconcerned as he is, you are facilitating his continued behaviour. I think the prospect of this guy changing, without some seismic event, is negligible. The seismic event might be a challenging outcome from one of his Consultant appointments, but I have my doubts. He may verbalise, at his various appointments that he will take action, but his repeated, historic inactions suggest any changes he makes are likely to be marginal and short-lived.

Obviously, I am a different person to both of you, as is my own OH. But, I believe that unless you bring this to a head, you are meandering into a situation where you will be his carer when the going gets tough. Not if, but when. If you’re not willing to address matters now, how do you think you will tackle it when he is in crisis?

If he has a limited relationship with his children, I would be astonished if that would change as and when he becomes needy, for whatever reason.

Now is the time for action. You have control of how this moves forward, but you are also avoiding taking control of your own life and aspirations. In my view, you are displaying your own form of avoidance.

I’m sorry of this all sounds harsh, but it is my view, and it is unchallenged by anything I have read..

Click to expand...

@AndBreath has voiced my own thoughts on the situation.

I too feel that you are avoiding the issue, avoiding bringing matters to a head and in so doing walking into a trap of your own making.

Any healthy relationship must be based on honesty and mutual respect and both of these presuppose proper communication.

I fear you are sticking your head in the sand at the moment.

Pavlos

AndBreathe said:

I haven’t posted on here for a while, as I wanted to see how things panned out, particularly on return from holiday.

I’m fascinated by your ability not to address these issues with him directly. In smiling, ignoring and suggesting you’re as unconcerned as he is, you are facilitating his continued behaviour. I think the prospect of this guy changing, without some seismic event, is negligible. The seismic event might be a challenging outcome from one of his Consultant appointments, but I have my doubts. He may verbalise, at his various appointments that he will take action, but his repeated, historic inactions suggest any changes he makes are likely to be marginal and short-lived.

Obviously, I am a different person to both of you, as is my own OH. But, I believe that unless you bring this to a head, you are meandering into a situation where you will be his carer when the going gets tough. Not if, but when. If you’re not willing to address matters now, how do you think you will tackle it when he is in crisis?

If he has a limited relationship with his children, I would be astonished if that would change as and when he becomes needy, for whatever reason.

Now is the time for action. You have control of how this moves forward, but you are also avoiding taking control of your own life and aspirations. In my view, you are displaying your own form of avoidance.

I’m sorry of this all sounds harsh, but it is my view, and it is unchallenged by anything I have read..

Click to expand...

That's just what I am saying ... If my wife avoided me when I am not wanting to face things I would be in a worst state than Molly's OH ....lucky the wife will not leave me to it

@Molly56.

Have you ever stopped to think that this relationship relies on co-dependency.

Sift through this article and see if you accept what is going on, which is to the detriment of both of you.
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

I don't think anyone can judge your partner's children as they have not heard it from their point of view and it may be that they have decided that enough is enough. He may have treated them badly in the past.

I am waiting for the post from you when you say that you have packed his bags and he is loading his car up and leaving as you have had enough and that you will find the inner strength to rebuild your life which does not include being a dogsbody for a partner with no insight into how relationships work.

AndBreathe said:

I haven’t posted on here for a while, as I wanted to see how things panned out, particularly on return from holiday.

I’m fascinated by your ability not to address these issues with him directly. In smiling, ignoring and suggesting you’re as unconcerned as he is, you are facilitating his continued behaviour. I think the prospect of this guy changing, without some seismic event, is negligible. The seismic event might be a challenging outcome from one of his Consultant appointments, but I have my doubts. He may verbalise, at his various appointments that he will take action, but his repeated, historic inactions suggest any changes he makes are likely to below marginal and short-lived.

Obviously, I am a different person to both of you, as is my own OH. But, I believe that unless you bring this to a head, you are meandering into a situation where you will be his carer when the going gets tough. Not if, but when. If you’re not willing to address matters now, how do you think you will tackle it when he is in crisis?

If he has a limited relationship with his children, I would be astonished if that would change as and when he becomes needy, for whatever reason.

Now is the time for action. You have control of how this moves forward, but you are also avoiding taking control of your own life and aspirations. In my view, you are displaying your own form of avoidance.

I’m sorry of this all sounds harsh, but it is my view, and it is unchallenged by anything I have read..

Click to expand...

I wish I could like this post x 100. You may not like it but god. Do I agree

I'm a psychologist. Retired theatre sister. You are fascilitating his behaviour. Enabling him. His is passing the buck so to speak. To YOU...I could say much more. But will advise you on one...distance yourself. ( please). I so wish you well.

alliebee said:

I'm a psychologist. Retired theatre sister. You are fascilitating his behaviour. Enabling him. His is passing the buck so to speak. To YOU...I could say much more. But will advise you on one...distance yourself. ( please). I so wish you well.

Click to expand...

Nice to know my wife is (I think) doing the right thing .. Alone I know I could not get my head around how to manage my health problems.. But the wife takes them in her stride and thinks outside the box. She shows me the worst things can get and then will explain how we will avoide the worst ... Even though I may not want to hear these things .. She will never treat me as a child shielding me from my health problems.
Molly do try being honest with him.. It's the least you can do..., then if he wants or you want him to leave .. Let him go .. Your lives are to short to carry on like this