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Losing the plot.

C

chocoholic

Well-Known Member
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Location
United Kingdom
Why is it that a normally sane person (okay hubby might dispute the sane part) can so suddenly totally lose the plot?
I seem to have constantly high readings at the moment. I am feeling very low (often happens to me this time of year) and it seems no matter what I eat at the mo', my readings are just not what I expect them to be. I can eat something that would normally leave me with good readings and I get a reading of 10. Today I've had a "s*d it" day.....you know the type......nothing you do is right,so you feel "what's the point. If I'm going to get a high reading anyway, I might as well eat something naughty." :roll:
I normally like to post messages of encouragement on this forum but I don't even feel able to do that today because I'll feel a fraud. I honestly just feel like crying and giving in.
Please don't tell me to cut the carbs. more. I've tried to cut down to a level that suits me but right now, I just feel at a point of not coping at all.
I sat wading through beansprouts, spinach leaves, cucumber, red onion and cheese one day this week with tears trickling down my face. At the other end of the scale, when I caved in today, I ate things I haven't eaten for months and still felt like crying.
I've lost interest in my main hobby and am trying so hard not to let my family know I'm low.I am trying to be strong for hubby who has lost his job, strong for my mum who is coping less and less mentally with my disabled brothers problems and strong for my brother himself, whose own problems dwarf mine (and always have done). I was told I was selfish by my father years ago, when I was severely depressed and his words "we have enough to worry about with your brother without worrying about you" haunt me to this day. Don't get me wrong, I adored my father but he could be Joe Blunt and he was right really. It's why I struggle to this day, when I get depressed.
I think I just needed to write this down because I feel like I've totally lost the plot and I don't know how to pull myself up again.
Sorry for waffling.
 
Choccie you low in mood ,maybe even depressed and you are obviously very stressed,is it any wonder your levels are up!Give yourself a break.Sometimes life just throws things at us and we have to try and cope the best we can,we may fool ourselves that we are coping but our bodies know different!!
It is probably impossible but,if it is possible go and do something just for your self even if it is only going for a walk away from all the stressors that you have.A couple of hours away ,if possible ,doing some thing to make your laugh or relax would do you good and maybe give you strength to carry on.I know it's not easy to do these things but it sounds like you need to be 'selfish' for once and think of yourself for a change,otherwise you will be no good to anybody.
 
Chocoholic, we love you.
Really, you have given so many people so much support, I wish we could all come round to yours with a good bottle of wine and refuse to leave until we'd cheered you up.
Chin up, stay strong and things will seem better tomorrow, I promise.

fergus x
 
Hi Chocoholic

I really don't know what to say other than, thinking of you! I can sometimes feel low at times too- it's like you want to do everything right, but nothing's on your side. I too have been attempting to lower my carbs this past week, but was at a kids party today and gave into kids cupcakes of all things, :oops: then felt bad for spoiling things :cry: .

I hope writing everything down has helped. I am sure that Fergus is right, things will feel better tomorrow. I hope so!

Take Care
Orchid x
 
hya hunni,
sending you lots of hugs , i know how u feel hunni, ive just had another illness diagnosed n im fed up too :D chin up x
 
Hi Choc

I really dont know you as am new to this site, but have read some of your posts and what an inspiration you are, i wish i had your strength and determination, you have such a rare quality and find the good in most thing judging by your posts.

How your feeling now is called life, its like a rollercoster of ups and downs, and usually we take what it throws at us but sometimes it catches us unawares like you are feeling now.

All i can say is give urself a break, if everyone is happy and bubbly and perfect all the time ( like me!!!) then the world would be a boring place.

What i do when am feeling down is timeout and give myself a good talking to, even having a bubble bath locking the bathroom door with a donot disturb unless house is on fire. I then try to focus on the positive things in my life and try to put things into perspective.

One last thing other ppl's problems are not worse than anybody elses their just different and ppl have different coping mechanisims and it doesn't make you a lesser person if you say your not coping infact that makes you stronger.

And if there is one thing i have learned is that tomorrow is another day, so u mess up today so what you always have tomorrow

Juliexx
God its to early for this stuff lol
 
Awwwww Choccie, lots of hugs from me too.

Look dont be so hard on yourself, you are allowed to have off days and feel sorry for yourself, my goodness look at you, there you are, all strong for your family, your husband who has lost his job which is a devastating experience for all of you, not just for him, your elderly Mum and sick brother, and on top of it all you are meant to handle your diabetes too, it is an awful lot to handle, small wonder you are a bit wobbly now and then.

Give yourself credit for what you have achieved, despite everything, you are still supportive and considerate, even though you are feeling low, you are still kind and caring, it could be different you could be there ranting and raving and yelling at everyone telling them to just 'burger off' and leave it at that, but that is just not you is it.

You have been so strong for such a long time, it is no wonder that you are feeling low, something just had to give, so take stock of your situation, see what positive changes you can make to help you feel better and more optimistic again, and make sure that you put yourself first now and then, reward yourself with something that you enjoy, you know that to be able to be strong and support other people you have to look after number one (<<<You).

So let go, and know that your family love you and people here in the forum have grown very vond of you too, go have some 'me' time, and dont feel guilty for posting and sharing your feelings, although we all want you to be happy and smiley you are still helping people to understand and realise that the downs go with the ups and its all normal to feel like that, we are not clowns, we cant be laughing all the time, this is real life isnt it.

I am sure that you will get to grips with your bg levels again soon, small wonder they are up when you are so stressed and feeling under the weather, this diabetes thing is so hard to cope with at times, its because there is no let up, its 24/7 and you cannot ever put it aside because it revolves all about food mainly and you have to eat, so there it is right there in front of you every single day, and then there is the so called 'good' and 'naughty' food and when we are depressed we are often drawn to the naughty food. I often used to say/think that diabetes really is cruel some way and if only there was someone else to take away this responsiblity of dealing with diabetes, just for a while someone take over from me, please...
It helped me to learn not to think of good and naughty food, its all food, just that some of it is not so healthy for me, this way I didnt feel guilty any more whenever I had a treat, oh yes the bg went up, but I soon had it all under control again.
You say your readings have been a bit higher again lately, you are not sickening for something are you, a cold or something, you say you have been out walking in the freezing cold you havent got a bladder infection, even slightly, this could all affect your bg, so make sure all is ok there.

I hope that you are feeling better soon, I am with Fergus there, I wish I could organise a coach trip to your place and we all come round to give you hugs and try to cheer you up best as we can :-)

Lots of love and more hugs for you

Karen x
 
OMG what a lovely bunch you are. I got quite choked up reading your kind messages.
I'd taken myself off to the bedroom for a few private tears last night but hubby came in and gave me such a big supportive hug. I so needed that and I suppose he is not a mind-reader but that hug meant so much.
There is so much truth in all your postings
its because there is no let up, its 24/7 and you cannot ever put it aside because it revolves all about food mainly and you have to eat, so there it is right there in front of you every single day,
Click to expand...
Chocfish, that is so spot on because my mum keeps on and on at me saying "you have to forget about your diabetes". I always say that's easier said than done when I inject myself with insulin 5 times a day and prick my fingers 4 or 5 times a day too, It's not that that hurts, it's just that it makes it harder to put the diabetes out of my mind. Again, Chocfish when you talk about someone taking over responsibility for it all, that so sums up how I felt last night. I just wanted it all to go away, even if it was for a few days, until I could deal with it all again. The trouble is, with this condition if you cave in for a few days, readings go higher, you then feel guilty and then feel even worse mentally than you did before.
Just knowing that others understand how I feel is so helpful, so I cannot thank you enough, all of you who have posted messages to me today.
Hopefully, the queen of blubbers will get herself together soon. Hubby enrolled me in a photography course as part of my Christmas present, so I will take the advice and try and focus(excuse the pun) on things more positive.
Thanks again everyone.
Choccie.
 
Choccy
You need to look after yourself.You are the support for your whole family. imagine what might happen if you weren't there for them.
Put your health higher up your priority list. Look after yourself for them.
 
Hello Chocoholic,
I don't think we've discussed much together but we do share the same type of diabetes.
When you have to focus on your BS, the amount of insulin to take, the amount of carbs you're eating then every day, I think its almost inevitable that it gets you down sometimes. I know I do.
It might sound a bit trite but one thing that does help me is to get out and go for a long walk, preferably by myself, whatever the weather, the endorphins come into play and I always feel much better when I get back.
If you feel it might help you why not take that camera with you and focus on getting some great pictures?
Don't do anything different about your diabetes control for the moment and don't think that you are being naughty if you eat something you wouldn't normally (if possible, just adjust your insulin to compensate) Perhaps in a week or so you might be able to think about what you could change either with your diabetes control, or other things that might make things easier for you. One thing it sounds as if you've got a lovely husband and that's always useful. :D
 
Hi Phoenix,
You're right about the walking. I do belong to a walking group and I enjoy that.
I know this might sound daft but I think I might have sussed why my readings are a bit haywire at the moment. I have pain in my mouth this afternoon and on inspection I seem to have a bloomin' gum disease flare-up again. My gums on one side are deep red. Guess it's back to the Corsadyl and the dentist again. :roll: I don't mind if I know why readings are "up", it's when you try so hard and do not get the expected results that it can be so frustrating. Also, if I'm honest,I think the bad readings just seemed like the straw that broke the camel's back, IYSWIM.
Onwards and upwards. Choccie.
 
Choccy as one who has been helped by your advice i wasnt looking to repay the debt so soon.

Given what youve said about your life and where you are now it seems to me that you havent really lost it you just cant see it. I think hanadr has it about right change your view point and give yourself some priority. Its not selfish its common sense.
Above all i hope its some support that we all want you to do whats right for you.

Dave P
 
chocoholic said:
Hi Phoenix,
You're right about the walking. I do belong to a walking group and I enjoy that.
I know this might sound daft but I think I might have sussed why my readings are a bit haywire at the moment. I have pain in my mouth this afternoon and on inspection I seem to have a bloomin' gum disease flare-up again. My gums on one side are deep red. Guess it's back to the Corsadyl and the dentist again. :roll: I don't mind if I know why readings are "up", it's when you try so hard and do not get the expected results that it can be so frustrating. Also, if I'm honest,I think the bad readings just seemed like the straw that broke the camel's back, IYSWIM.
Onwards and upwards. Choccie.
Click to expand...

That might be it, I'm trying to decide if my numbers are down to a flare up of sinus infection or if there's something wrong with my guts. Also this awful winter dragging on and on isn't helping any. It was wet cold and blowy today, an ideal day for getting on with some of the indoor stuff I've been putting off, but it was soooo dull I just couldn't get motivated to do more than half the things I intended. Now I think I'm going to crash out for a bit, then get up and have a shower and try to start the day over in the middle of the night when it's not so dark <G>

You might consider medication if things are that bad. Also if it's something you tend to get seasonally, bright lights in the morning or evening may help. Personally I think half my genes come from spring bulbs, I know I shall start to improve soon, just not quite yet.
 
Hi Choccy,

Sorry to hear you've not been doing quite so well.

Here's hoping you manage to hang on to the plot and feel better soon.

With best wishes,
timo.
 
Hi choco, just to reiterate what everyone else has said. You like many others have helped me in the past and i really hope things take a turn for the better soon. Your diabetes is the priority, if you don't take care of that you won't be able to help anyone else.

You need to be a bit selfish though and have some "me time", ask yourself what would they all do if you weren't there ?. Great to hear about the photography course and you go for it. Just think to yourself when your hubby hugs you again that we're all giving you a hug at the same time. :) :)

Good luck and take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Oh my goodness Choccy, we havn't met yet but i understand about being down and with all you have to contend with i'm not surprised. You no, we carry our love around in a bucket and ladle it out to every one near and dear to us and eventually we find the bucket is empty. You are allowed to be selfish sometimes you know. Anyway, heres the first ladle full to refill your bucket. Hope you feel better soon.
Dee.
 
Hope you feel better soon! Take some time for yourself sometimes, everyone needs to have a bit of a rest sometimes.
 
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