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My mindset/problems

jimmysmith

Well-Known Member
Messages
57
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
So I've already done an introductory thread but I need to get the following off my chest.

I was diagnosed with type 1 when I was around 8 or 9 and I'm 26, nearly 27, now. At that point everything was very strict and I was a 'good' diabetic, my sugars were usally under control from what I can remember.

Not long after my 14th birthday I was knocked off my bike, leaving me with a broken ankle and wrist, sprained knee tendons and severe trauma to the frontal lobe of my brain. (This is relevant just bear with me) This all left me severely shaken but I seemed on the road to recovery, although the doctors warned that the full impact wouldn't be felt until my 20s.

Around the age of 19 I began to lose control of my diabetes. I began missing injections, I didn't do my blood tests. I was in hospital with DKA about twice a year, there was one time when the Doctor in ER told me I'd been in DK fpr about a month and was 20 minutes away from going under and dying.

I was also diagnosed with a IBD at the age of 20 which seemed, to me, to add another responsibility to my, what felt like, already heavy load of responsibilities.

Eventually, around 2013, I admited that I didn't know if I wanted to live and it was thought that my accident'd had a deeper impact on me then originally thought and I was subconsciously sabotaging my diabetes as I was depressed and therefore selfharming via my diabetes.

I started seeing someone about it and started to make some progress, although none of it seemed to change my management of my condition.

In 2014 however I started dating the most brilliant of girls and that seemed to be a turning point. I started to take me control of my diabetes, I went on DAFNE and I managed to get my HBA1C down to single figures for the first time in years (I still operating under the old way of recording it lol). That was in 2015. I'm still dating the same girl, recently got engaged in fact, but since 2015 my control has gone again, my HBA1C is back in double figures and I'm missing injections, not doing bloodtests again and when I do injections I'm just guessing what doses to do.

I want to get things under control, I want to be that guy I was after I did the DAFNE course, the guy who had a single figure HBA1C but I just.....can't seem to get into a mindset that will do it. I'm not posting this just to moan, I'm posting this to explain myself to, maybe, get some advice.

Sorry for such a long post.
 
Your fiancee saw something in you .... as did you in her.

Talk to her as this must work for both of you. Dig deep and get all the support you need, outside and within this forum.
 
Congrats on your engagement! Now presumably you want a long and happy life with your fiancé so you have to take control. Get her to help. It's all about partnership. Take care.
 
Hey @jimmysmith - Mike has a good point, talking this through with your fiancé and getting her support is vital, ultimately you share a future together so working on this is important for you both, it's your life you are sharing with her.

A few things that could help.. A good meter, Abbott produces the freestyle insulinx which does the sums for you, so you input the carbs and it calculates your dose, you can set reminders. Access to a supportive DSN, who will take time to run through the basics again with you, get clued up again pick up a copy of 'think like a pancreas'. Use a app like Diaconnect which will record results and you can email to your DSN, try something else like the Libre sensor too, takes the pain out of testing, you have to pay for it but it's a good investment to start re-focussing on your control and to check your day to day management. As you are here it shows you care and want to become better controlled, so no time like the present to start
 
I second the suggestion to get think like a pancreas. The book breaks down how you can get increased control.

Basically what it did for me was gave me a framework. When I first purchased it I was overwhelmed and struggling after losing control. I told myself to read a chapter a week and try and implement something I had learnt from that chapter before starting the next. OK my control is not as good as I would like to be right now, but I know where I am heading and it has developed massively in the past year.

Also do talk to your fiance. It can be so lovely to have someone who will support you wholeheartedly. My boyfriend has been great witj helping me guesstimate for my carbs and just generally been there when things aren't going according to plan.

You've done this before so you can do it again! Congratulations on your engagement and good luck
 
Well done @jimmysmith . Even just recognising something can put you back on track is enough to turn your higher bgs around. Some stress can mess you up a little. Try and relaxand find a good routine which works for you and taking your insulin. Like brushing teeth, showering and shaving or buying food. Taking our insulin is a necessity. Try and accept it for what it is and not an option unless you want more hassle with health problems. I know by your post you really could do without that.
I have no doubt in my mind you can have stable bgs with stable injections.
I see mine like using deodorant or brushing teeth. I neccesity and in with my daily routine.
I hope you settle your working routine soon and it just becomes normal.
 
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Welcome to the forum @jimmysmith. I went through denial when I was first diagnosed and it cost me dearly. I know how you feel, but at least you are honest with yourself. The time has come to regain control. We are with you every step.
 
Hi Jimmy Smith, thanks for sharing your story with us! I can relate in many ways. When I was 19 at university I was told I needed a heart operation - I won't bother with all of the details. but at that time I thought I was coping when I wasn't really, I had a great boyfriend (we are now married) but that didn't stop me going down quite a self destructive path. I didnt have type 1 diabetes then but i dont think i could've coped with it then! I think you have been very brave! your fiance will want to support you fully and you could have a form of post traumatic stress you need extra help with. I think you will get back on track as you clearly want to - coz you posted! do one step at a time change things slowly this is a marathon not a sprint after all
 
@jimmysmith A very brave story Jimmy, thanks for sharing. Are you on a pump? If not, it sounds like you have a good chance of meeting the criteria and this could be something to work towards in the long term, which gives you greater control, more freedom with your diet and stops you worrying about missing injections, although you'd obviously need to operate the pump at that moment you would be doing your injection.

Hope you are on a good track soon. Always remember, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
 
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Well done with recognising that you dropped some aspects and actually want to put things right.

First off I would suggest that you book an appt with consultant and go as a couple.... explain just as you did here to consultant / DSN as well.

Before you see consultant/DSN sit down with fiance and have chat and really explain that diabetes needs to be looked after on a long term basis but you are struggling with it. Explain what you arent doing.. say you dont want her to to "nag" but dont mind her reminding you if you drop doing an injection etc... you must commit to listening and acting though, if she does ever have to remind you...

Work out your difficulties and list them. Then seriously work out what you know you need to do and to explain them.

Tell fiance (if you drive) that you must test before driving. You must be above 5 to drive. Explain it that if you dont, then its as serious as getting in to a car with a drunk driver...

Explain any fears about hypo's and how scary tgey are and how she can best assist (partners can find these frightening too), ask how she feels about hypo's or hypers can also make people "narky"...

Get "think like a pancreas", read it together. Ask to go on a refresher dafne course. Explain all about carbs and counting them.

If you are thinking about children at some point, then say you want the best for her and for children and this means really starting afresh with diabetes good care now.

Pumps are good. Perhaps this may be something to discuss with consultant and for you to consider?
 
Thanks everybody for your kind words.
I'm hoping to try out the freestyle libre for 2 weeks to see that makes a difference.
I'd love to try a pump but, because I'm inconsistent with me doing my injections, I don't think I qualify.
 
You do need to prove that you can be consistent with jabs because you have to actually manage the pump settings. Its not a plug n play gadget it needs commitment to make it work and understand how the hourly basal rate programming is altered etc..I'm sure the libre will help enormously.
 
Start small and work your way up rather than getting frustrated if you can't fix it all at once, once you see improvements it is motivating to make more! Start by trying to do your injections regularly. Do you eat meals with your fiancé (congratulations by the way!) could she help you with that? Could you put your medicines in the cutlery draw or somewhere else you always go to before you eat so that you get a reminder? Then once you've got into that habit move onto regular testing, then carb counting, then the world!
 
All joking aside good on you for recognising the problem and wanting to do something about it. Forums and talking to other diabetics are great resources and even just places to vent.
 
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